The Detroit Lions of 2008 went the entire season without a single win, and they worked very hard to do so. Several games went down to the wire, three finished with spreads of four points or less, five inside a touchdown. More were closer than the score would suggest, with the Kittens giving up late touchdowns while hope remained to pad the score. They worked hard to lose games, snatching defeat from the jaws of victory on a regular basis.
Because they were competitive, the Suicide participant masses did not ride against them as much as one might suggest, particularly down the stretch. Their games were too close, their talent too . . . average . . . to be considered a loss surety.
None of these statements hold true for the Jacksonville Jaguars of 2013.
This team is terrible. Their average margin of loss sits just a hair under three touchdowns. They have been even remotely competitive in one --- count 'em, one --- game thus far, a 10 point loss to the juggernaut up north, the Oakland Raiders, with all of their own two wins. I see three winnable games remaining on their schedule, but who in their right mind would ever even think of picking the Jags to win.
The Rules are there for your safety, and the safety of others. But when the 49ers are coming into town and the Jaguars are the home team opponent, if there was ever a time to disregard the rules, this is it. The masses seem to agree with me.
Oh sure, there are other hot picks this week. The Saints are trendy, the Chiefs are also saddled up, and a smattering of picks have been spread around to the Broncos, Patriots, and Packers. But the 49ers are the big one for those who still have them available.
And why not? Jacksonville to lose has been the biggest bet game of the week in Weeks Three, Five, and Six, with many riding against them as well in Weeks Two, Four, and Seven. People actually picked the Raiders and Chargers to win---and survived. This more than anything tells you how bad Jacksonville truly is.
The Swami will tempt a little self-fate in Week Eight, and jump on the Jaguar dumping parade. I predicted 10 wins for the San Fran 49ers, even though they will miss the playoffs, and this is certainly one of them.
That is all.
*The above photo is accurate. The Jaguars did indeed select a punter five slots before Russell Wilson was selected in the third round of the 2012 NFL Draft. In the Jags defense, when you have Blaine Gabbert and Chad Henne as your quarterbacks, you need the best frickin' punter you can get your hands on.
Fifty Shades of Failure reads the epitaph for the seventh week of the Suicide Pool. Fifty fine souls, departed. Fifty men and women who waved their flags, but ring their bells no more. Fifty who found themselves on the short end of the stick.
Which brings to mind Ulysses, he of Fifty fame, to whom history has been---largely and regretfully, and wrongly---unkind, and thus also got the short end of the stick. I recommend you read about it, here or there: there is much to be learned and gleaned from the tales of history, and Grant particularly.
Weekend Stats
35 undefeated at 7-0
75 with one loss at 6-1
50 deceased
It was a wise man who said "the only new thing in the world is the history you don't know." The masses are moving, fifty have fallen, thirty-five remain unscathed with the remainder in-between. Will they heed the warnings of history or fly in the face of danger?
Will the Reaper sharpen his scythe after the quiet of Week 7? Yes, but it remains to be seen if he will get to use it.
That is all.
Those who are veterans of Suicide know and understand the Swami Rules for Success. One of those Rules involves the Chargers, as in:
#3 - Never pick for or against the Chargers in the first six weeks.
Well, here we are in Week Seven, and the masses are mobilizing once again on the sidelines opposite the helpless, hapless Jaguars. Which makes sense, except that this week's sideline belongs to the Chargers.
Fact: the Chargers have burned more participants in the Suicide Pool over the years than any other team. By wide margin. My own personal rule, therefore, is never pick the Chargers game.
Like, ever.
And so I will leave you all to your good luck, and roll merrily along and into Week Eight with the Packers of Green Bay. Other teams on the hot docket this week: Chiefs and Dolphins, and the occasional Patriots. Good luck to all. And now I'm off to my cheesehead.
That is all.
Things to say after six--and only six--poor souls drop losses in Week Six on the red and blue bull. Not everything's bigger in Texas. Makes a wicked good burger. Douse the lights and dream of 2012.
Has any quarterback, once excellent, become terrible faster than Matt Schaub? Five points for those who immediately thought of Eli Manning.
Week Six Stats
38 undefeated
78 with one loss
44 deceased
Your lack of loss is disturbing. Here's to lucky number seven for the Swami and the Reaper. Perhaps you have forgotten, but the Hex is still floating around out there, waiting for the right time to strike.
That is all.
A few weeks ago I mentioned the biggest lock pick in Suicide history was the Seahawks of Seattle besting the Kittens of Jacksonville. Let the debate begin on whether this week's Kitten game should be considered a bigger lock.
I myself tend to think that the Seattle game was a bigger lock, despite Denver looking like an unstoppable force. It's easier to travel to Denver and the Seattle stadium is recognized as the best home team crowd in football. Advantage: Seattle.
Still, being the second biggest lock pick in Suicide history is no small thing, which is why the masses have spoken and are following, Swami included. Muchos participantes on the Broncos, along with the 49ers, Seahawks, Chiefs, Cowboys, and Texans.
I think the Reaper will have to take a week off.
That is all.
You knew he was coming. You could sense it in the air last week, you could feel it in your very bones. He's been waiting, waiting, waiting . . .
And in "V", he struck.
Twenty-five souls perished in their entirety this past week, Week the Fifth. It's interesting, the history of Week Five in Suicide lore. Relatively tame last year, in previous seasons prior it has long been associated with the end of days for many, many participants. Massive upsets, mangled dreams, etc.
'Twas again in 2013. The Dirty Birds were so very dirty.
Week Five Stats
42 undefeated at 5-0
76 with one loss at 4-1
64 losers in Week Five
42 utterly deceased
25 following the Reaper
As far as you know, the Update delay is simply because I did not want to rub salt in the wound, allowing some time to pass, allowing some healing. There was much grief and much devastation in Week Five, and while Swami himself was victim, chaos always tickles my fancy.
And fanciful I was in Week Five.
That is all.
Yes, I will.
'Tis a simple choice this week . . . the Dirty Birds will clean up nicely. At home on Monday night, their season on the line and its just early October, with fatty contracts up the wazoo and Matty Ice under center. Three losses to teams a combined 11-1, all close. Yes, the Falcons will lift the Swami to great heights, and settle us down in Week Six.
Still, I cannot help but wonder at the gall and gumption of our pool participants. The majority of the rest of the masses have put their money on Saint Louis (really?!) or Green Bay. Yes, yes, yes, I get it. Saint Louis is playing Jacksonville. And yes, Green Bay is very good. But the Jags are winless, which always makes them dangerous, and Detroit is a divisional foe (breaking a Swami Rule). I sense a little chaos and devastation this weekend, just not as a result of a career Geno Smith day.
That is all.
Listen to the rules and you won't get hurt. Many followed the rules this week, many did not. Those who did not fall into two categories: (1) those who broke the Swami's Rules; and (2) those who broke the Swami's heart.
Week Four Statistics
81 undefeated at 4-0
62 with one loss at 3-1
17 deceased
Now, those who broke the Rules did not survive Week 04, as Death himself led a merry band of miscreants on a lovely little parade: 13 to the purgatory of one loss, 9 to their ultimate demise. And yet, these were the lucky ones.
Those who broke the Swami's heart, those who bet against the Beloveds, those who watched with glee on Monday night . . . let it be known that the Swami Hex does not dissipate after just one week. It is an everlasting curse, and no participant has ever won this pool in a season in which they bet against the Dolphins. So good luck, you 31 souls who survived this week, yes, but already I hear the sharpening of the scythe.
Week Five has long been known as one of the most dangerous in Suicide lore, and a Hex is no small thing to deal with. And if you hear that sweet, sweet music playing as the parade rolls by, let not your own heart be troubled as you rise, trance-like, and follow.
Jobu is waiting for you at the finish.
That is all.
