Friday Taunt III

For many years now I have been using this image, the scythe-wielding Grim Reaper. It comes out once per year after a week of dramatic destruction. The Reaper has most often made his appearance in Week Five; patterns developed over the first four weeks are ransacked in the fifth, and the Reaper reaps the benefit.

The Reaper has never before appeared in Week Three -- and has never before presided over a week with as much devastation as Week Three of 2018. Quite simply, the results were breathtaking.

First, the Vikings, also known as the biggest upset in NFL history. A "project" rookie QB surrounded by medium talent on the road against the roster considered by many to be the most complete in the entire league. Seventeen point favorites ... who were down by several more points than that by the end of the first quarter. The Vikings were BOAT-RACED. They took 92 participants with them -- by itself, this one loss would've been enough to enter the Top Three of Worst Weeks Ever.

But then came the Jaguars and Patriots. The Jaguars? An inexplicable loss. The Patriots? Not quite as inexplicable given they were playing a team with inside info, but still: the Lions? Really, Tom?

Grand total: 125 participant losses in one week. We have only 11 undefeated teams left and it's only Week Four. The Reaper has already swept 63 participants under the blade of his scythe, twice. It's a brutal, brutal year.

Week Three Stats
11 undefeated
86 with one loss
125 week three losers
63 deceased

That is all.

Friday Taunt V

The Reaper has landed. The Curse of Week Five strikes again. Like the ninth episode in a season of Game of Thrones, the Swami Pool has seen incredible consistency in the death and devastation that rains down upon participants in each year's fifth week.

Last season was the only season since 2010 that has not brought widespread loss in Week Five; 2017 shows us the exception proves the rule as we are right back to it.

The Steelers were the primary culprits -- Big Ben's ticking clock expired, taking 47 souls right along with him. Throw the Raiders, Cowboys, Lions, Giants, Texans, and Bears (oh my) in there and you have a waterloo ... er, watershed week.

Week Five Stats

159 participants

24 undefeated at 5-0, including yours truly

74 with one loss at 4-1

64 week five losers

61 deceased

This season is absolutely ridiculous. Two weeks with two "lock picks", essential coin flips for who to choose, and both weeks one side of the coin lost their game: Falcons last week, Steelers this week. The Steelers, as it happens, are responsible for more losses thus far this season than any other team.

Lucky for the Swami, both coin flips happened to work out just fine. Hence why I reside in the Land of 24, crystal ball in tow. Here's hoping I remain there along with my 23 fellows into the long future.

Onward to Week Six.

That is all.

Thursday Taunt VIII

This photo comes out once per year. Those of you who have been with us for a few years know what it means, and from whence it came. The Reaper returned to the Swami Pool this past weekend, or more accurately this past Monday night, to reap and reap and reap those many, many souls who put themselves on Viking ships to sail across the sea. They did not reach their destination.

We lost 34 to their second and final loss, most of whom were on the Vikings. The Vikings actually took 41 down with them, many previously undefeated participants. The ranks have thinned.

Weekend Statistics
202 participants
30 undefeated at 8-0, of which Swami is one
51 with one loss
121 deceased, which includes the whole rest of the Swami clan

Week Eight was hateful, indeed.

That is all.

Friday Taunt VI

He has come.

The scythe was swift and brutal this week, slicing through 45 participants in a beautiful symphony of chaos and devastation. Seahawks at home? Done. Bengals at home? Deadlocked. The Falcons at home? Clipped. My internet at home? No chance. The Giants on the road? Well, that pick was not well mapped out, in all honesty.

The Reaper reared his head in the Sixth Week as we pass the one-third mark of this crazy, topsy-turvy, who-knows-what NFL season. The Swami knows, of course, which is why the Swami and his brood are all undefeated, along with 30+ others.

Week Six Statistics
36 undefeated
67 with one loss*
89 deceased
45 week six losers
22 knocked out for good

*There's that 67 number again. Hmmm.

Yes, for those wondering at home, a tie is a loss in Suicide play. We can thank the original tie monsters, McNabb's Eagles, for that lovely little rule, which toasted a 10-spot of tigers this past weekend.

Three weeks left before the playoff rules take effect (starting in Week 10), so know your strategy and execute it correctly. For those who do not know what I am talking about, I apologize to you for your ignorance. Sadly, it is likely incurable.

That is all.

Wednesday Taunt XII

And then there were six.

There is a new saying in the Suicide Pool: "Beware the double digits."

Since the turning of the Weeks from one digit to two, it has nothing short of sheer chaos and devastation for the masses. It has been destruction on an unparalleled scale. A pox be on some houses, methinks.

The Reaper is beside himself. After a mid-season stretch with almost nothing to do, he has scythed at a record-breaking rate. Over the past three weeks, the participants have made 159 individual team selections; 36 have survived. For those who like percentages, that's less than a 23% win rate.

We've gone from 93 living at the start of Week 10 . . . to a scant little six pack as we enter the Week of Marino. Let us take a moment to meet the glorious few: Hollandia, a veteran of Suicide; The Holy Light, one of the esteemed and light in the dark; The Lebanator, the sexiest advanced robot this side of the middle east; Pillow Connoisseur, he of the fine downy swath; DADY 03, the third but strongest of his brood; and last but perhaps not least, yours truly rounds out the field.

Week 12 Stats
160 participants
0 undefeated
6 with one loss
154 deceased

It seems clear at this point that we will likely not make the playoffs, but one never knows. With six remaining, none yet have made the money, so the pressure mounts and the noose tightens as we enter Week 13. Who will rise? Who will fall? Will the Swami outlast them all? You cannot win your own pool, but that does not excuse the attempt.

That is all. 

Friday Taunt X

Was it as good for you as it was for me?

In truth, there are so many avenues to take in commentating upon the massive, glorious destruction of Week 10, I am having a hard time knowing where to begin.

First, for those of you who have emailed me with pithy comments of your own, asking for major upsets to get this pool rolling . . . well, you got it.

The Reaper has been sitting on the sidelines all season, licking his wounds and licking his chops, and "X" certainly marked the spot: 86% of the pool lost this past weekend. It shall be noted in the record books as the single worst week in the history of the Suicide Pool, from a sheer percentage perspective. The Reaper, let's just say, is fat and happy and sidelined no longer. Other numbers of note: 80 participants took a loss, 70 were on the Titans, 54 were eliminated entirely, and 26 took their first loss.

Week 10 Stats
160 participants
121 deceased
80 week 10 losers
35 with one loss
4 undefeated

Which brings us to our second point this morning: the Mount Rushmore of 2013. There are only four undefeateds remaining, three Suicide veterans and a rookie. Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to Hollandia, Father Franz, The Lebanator, and the Holy Light, your four remaining undefeateds. There are 35 one-lossers joining them, which puts us at 39 total. Congrats to those who survived the brutality of Week 10.

Lastly, and most importantly, I refer back to the first line of this post. It was one of the most glorious weeks in general for yours truly, the Swami, given how much I enjoy chaos, but compounded by the thrill of victory whilst flying in the face of logic and reason. Special shout out to Ford Model P, who also flew close to the sun and did not get burned. The Jaguars are our new favorite team.

Good luck participants as we enter the home stretch. The noose tightens and the cream rises, and when the dust settles, will you be the one left standing?

That is all.

Thursday Taunt V

You knew he was coming. You could sense it in the air last week, you could feel it in your very bones. He's been waiting, waiting, waiting . . . 

And in "V", he struck.

Twenty-five souls perished in their entirety this past week, Week the Fifth. It's interesting, the history of Week Five in Suicide lore. Relatively tame last year, in previous seasons prior it has long been associated with the end of days for many, many participants. Massive upsets, mangled dreams, etc.

'Twas again in 2013. The Dirty Birds were so very dirty.

Week Five Stats
42 undefeated at 5-0
76 with one loss at 4-1
64 losers in Week Five
42 utterly deceased
25 following the Reaper

As far as you know, the Update delay is simply because I did not want to rub salt in the wound, allowing some time to pass, allowing some healing. There was much grief and much devastation in Week Five, and while Swami himself was victim, chaos always tickles my fancy.

And fanciful I was in Week Five.

That is all.

Memories of a Time Not-So-Long Past

Well, I’ve done worse than getting bounced from the Pool in week three.  A few years ago I'd barely scrubbed the Labor Day hamburger grease off the grill when I caught the shimmer of the Reaper’s scythe reflecting off the Weber Genesis. "You gotta be kidd –“ is all I could utter before the swift end came.  Zing!  Oh-for-two.

At least this year I had a fleeting moment of glory way back in mid-September – pre-Jay Cutler’s teammates hating him – when the Bears steamrolled the Colts.  I was young and rebellious then; a cocky kid full of reckless abandon.  Ah… my halcyon days.  The memories are mostly faded now but I recall it as a simpler, more innocent time.  When high school refs could fulfill their dream of officiating NFL games.

But there will come a day when I can live again.  A day when I can accept an inept Cardinals offense outscoring Tom Brady and the Pats.  A day when I can wrap my head around the Saints blowing an 18-point lead against the Chiefs.  Yes.  I'll live again.  Maybe round about, oh, week five perhaps.

Congrats to those few who’ve made it through this three-week gauntlet still intact.  Well done.

-- Shapeshifter

Tuesday Taunt III

'Tis far, far too early for the Reaper to make his annual appearance on the pages of the Suicide blog, but it is safe to say that there will be no worse weekend for the participants of 2012 than that most recently ended, and so.

The scythe was swift and brutal, and lopped off a full on-third of the remaining field. 51 were ended for the second and final time, including for the earliest showing of his distinguished career, the Swami himself.

It should be mentioned that of the Swami, the Factor, and the Swami Spawn, only the Spawn remain undefeated. Which makes less than no sense, given the first-grade mentality of the selectors. Literally.

Weekly Statistics

135 participants
90 week three losers
18 undefeated
60 with one loss
57 deceased

Week Three came close to the record-setting Week Five of 2011, when 92 perished, but the argument can be made that this weekend was worse; most of the 2011 losses were first-timers. The second death for 51 makes the Reaper a very happy hell-spawn, and so.

I have no expectation for Week Four. In truth, perhaps those perished can breathe a sigh of relief, knowing they must not wade into the waters of this ridiculous season once more. Perhaps the old saying fits, and the living truly do envy the dead*.

That is all.

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*Of course, those dead do get a second shot at life with the Swami's Second Life Pool. See post below for more details and watch for the forthcoming email.