The Root of the Week II

Enter week two, which sees many veteran Swami Pool participants throwing caution to the wind and breaking rules left and right. For the newbies, we will review the Swami Rules for Survival in the text of this week's Taunt -- Swami has a brunch to run to.

The Swami Clan has its usual group working the Pool this season: Swami himself, The Factor, Darth Bennett, Avery of Avalor, and Spawn of Swami.

The first three will look for lightning to strike ever-so-sweetly on the road to singe the slew of Buffalo-based Ta-Tonka. The younger ladies of the latter two will sing with the heavens and hope the fallen bounce back from the previous weekend, and rise again to put the Browns back in their usual column.

Best of luck to those who already feel the shadow of the Reaper.

That is all.

The Root of the Week XVI

'Tis the night before the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature is stirring, not even Phillip Rivers, who is silent and unmoving upon his one knee. Why only take one knee?

Not to protest America's excellence, nay. Phillip is too classy for that; besides,e does not have the hair or ink to rival the Kaep.

Phillip is praying, and praying hard. There are several riding Chargers on the road against winless Cleveland -- always a risky play, playing a team on the road, made even more dangerous what with the Browns still searching for their first victim. Still, the Swami dares to live dangerously.

Can you believe the Chargers, Titans, and Rams are the popular picks? This is what happens when you get down toward the bottom of the available teams; chaos, pure and simple.

Pray for the Chargers to find there way forward once.

That is all.

                                                                

The Root of the Week V

Much has been made in this space in recent weeks regarding the Swami's Rules for Survival. It is well known that to veer off course, to subject yourself to the chaos and devastation that inevitably follows when rules are not adhered to, is a poor way to spend a Sunday.

We will now swing the pendulum back the other direction, however, to analyze just when exactly the rules should be broken -- under what circumstances and what scenarios would the old saying "the exception proves the rule" be just that, the proper time and place for an exception. A timely question, indeed, given I myself will break a rule this week and take a road team to win.

First, the Unbreakable Rule -- there is no exception to picking against the Beloveds. You get the Hex, pure and simple. The next update will, in fact, have notations for all those entries who remain hexed, to help prove the point.

Second, the Chargers Rule -- I personally cannot remember if I have ever gone against this rule, the Chargers scare me mightily and have left so much devastation in their wake over the first third of seasons' past that it is impossible for me to put any sort of myself on them. Remember the Schottenheimer era, when the team would invariably sort 0-3 before winning 13 straight games then losing in the first round of playoffs pretty much every year? Devastation in their wake. Picking the Chargers is like a Hunger Games cornucopia: it looks so tempting, so enticing, until you get there. May the odds be ever in your favor.

Third, the multi-pick rule -- just good business. Why put every egg in the same basket. You can if you want to, there are exceptions here, but this is our "good strategy" rule, not specific to picking teams.

Which leaves the last two: don't pick a team playing within its own division and do not pick a team playing on the road. I'll be honest, it is near impossible to go an entire season without breaking one of these rules. You have to pick your spots, however.

Personally, I am very much against divisional match-ups; the teams know each other better than other teams in the league and divisional games are usually tough. Still, there are times where it might be beneficial, and exceptions can be made.

Occasionally it is acceptable to consider the idea of picking a team playing on the road, if certain other factoids speak in favor of the decision. Case in point: the Swami pick for this week is the New England Patriots to beat the Cleveland Browns. Cleveland has not looked awful in recent weeks, better than expected, and they are at home, so common logic and normal rule procedure would seem to preclude the notion of taking New England.

But ... Tom Brady is back. Tom Brady is pissed off. The Patriots got shut out at home last week. The Patriots are pissed off. Belichick rarely loses two games in a row. Belichick is pissed off. Pissed off Patriots tend to lead to big wins.

Hence, an exception can be made. Hence, the Swami rolls with the Patriots, as does the Factor and Darth Bennett. Mama Bear, having broken the rules one week too early, will look for Big Ben to chime out the victory call in Steeltown, USA.

A Double Update awaits you all on Tuesday. Best of luck on a safe trip through to Week Six.

That is all.

The Root of the Week XI

On this fine Sunday of glorious Week Eleven, the schizophrenia is starting to set in. The masses are moving far and wide in a variety of dangerous directions as the group seeks to avoid the Reaper and survive another round.

The Beloveds already have their playoff-import win in the bag, and I will thank very much those of you who tuned in Thursday, and so now the rest of the field follows with a slate filled with intriguing NFL playoff possible matchups featuring some of the best teams in the league pitted against one another.

Which is great for ratings, but not so great for you. The list of selected teams reads like a who's-who of averageness: Redskins, Steelers, Saints, Browns.

Of course, then there are the Swami selections. At this point it becomes nearly impossible not to break a few rules, and the Swami and Spawn will each break rules this week. The Spawn will throw caution to the wind and take the Super Chargers in a division match, while the Swami himself --- in what actually should be the safest pick of the wick --- will ride the Broncos to greatness as they travel to Arch City.

Good luck to all as our merry band of 36 survivors rolls on.

That is all.

The Root of the Week IX

You cannot win your own pool. This is one of the laws of higher pool operation, number twelve I think. Law #12 - You cannot win your own pool.

I run a Suicide Pool and a March Madness Pool, and it's been years since I've won either outright. Several years ago I did win March Madness, and pool participation dropped by 25%. People like fine commentary, witty dialogue, the occasional political or social reference, and excellent competition. They don't like winners.

I used to run a Bowl Pool, too, but every year I was in the top five, and the pressure proved too intense. It's difficult rooting for yourself to lose. So I gave up on the Bowl Pool, and now just enter the one run by the Hooded Fiend. Side note: it's excellent by the way, let me know if you want details.

In any event, you cannot win your own pool. But at the same time, I cannot lose intentionally. So roundabout Week Nine, roundabout now, Swami starts taking some chances with his picks. For those who don't know, the Swami accounts for three: Swami Me (the Swami), Swami Spawn (the Swami's kids), and the Factor (the Swami's woman). Heretofore, we have all ridden lock step, faltering in just one week. 

Most participant money is on the Cowboys this week, with the Patriots and Packers following behind, plus a smattering of Saints and Seahawks for those who have them left. There are also a select handful on the Panthers, which leads us to the photo.

Newton tastes good.

Clan Swami will split for the first time this season, and we are breaking rules all over the place. Mark me down for the Panthers, the Factor for Saint Diego, and the Spawn for the Saints. It is highly unlikely we all survive. Law #12, you know.

That is all.

The Root of the Week VII

Those who are veterans of Suicide know and understand the Swami Rules for Success. One of those Rules involves the Chargers, as in:

#3 - Never pick for or against the Chargers in the first six weeks.

Well, here we are in Week Seven, and the masses are mobilizing once again on the sidelines opposite the helpless, hapless Jaguars. Which makes sense, except that this week's sideline belongs to the Chargers.

Fact: the Chargers have burned more participants in the Suicide Pool over the years than any other team. By wide margin. My own personal rule, therefore, is never pick the Chargers game.

Like, ever.

And so I will leave you all to your good luck, and roll merrily along and into Week Eight with the Packers of Green Bay. Other teams on the hot docket this week: Chiefs and Dolphins, and the occasional Patriots. Good luck to all. And now I'm off to my cheesehead.

That is all.

Ode to Norv

For all those dumb enough to role the dice with the Chargers this week (like me), I give you a Haiku:

Norv Turner you suck

One should never pick the Bolts

Stick a fork in me

Dream Killers

As Swami predicted on Monday afternoon, the Chargers solidified their reputation as Suicide Pool dream killers once again. Nearly all participants, at one point or another, have put their trust in Norv Turner to lead the Bolts to victory over a heavy underdog at home or on the road. As a result, their hopes of taking home Suicide Pool gold become long shots and in some cases, are sent packing until 2011.

While it's unfair to say Norv got outcoached by KC's trio of Haley, Crennel and Pear Bryant, you have to believe it comes down to game preparation. Good coaches in the NFL don't lose games like this or any of the others Norv has blown the last three years. Marty Schottenheimer doesn't lose this game to a bad KC squad. Other than solid special teams play, there is no reason to believe the Chiefs will win more than a handful of games this year. Luckily, they play in the same division as the Raiders.

The Chargers will still win the NFL's weakest division by a few games and will continue to be a popular Suicide Pool pick throughout the year. Best of luck to those who like to live dangerously...