Saturday Taunt VI

The Reaper continues his vacationing ways as only three souls drop this weekend past -- and deservedly so, betting against the Beloveds. Woe be to those who would diminish the greatness and glory of the Beloved Fish.

Onward we merrily roll into Week Seven with 81 participants still in the fold.

That is all.

The Root of the Week VI

A double dose of teams for the Swami Clan on this fine Week Six, a double dose of teams and thus a double dose of images. There is no pick to feel good about, not ever, in this crazy 2018 season ... but I suppose if one was to feel good about anything, it would be (1) a backup quarterback for an otherwise extraordinarily medium team going into Rodgers-land (despite the gimp) and, therefore, highly unlikely to Lambeau Leap, and (2) a rookie-and-yes-plays-like-an-unseasoned-rookie-led team in the NFL going up against a highly competitive if somewhat up-and-down (are not they all) defensive-oriented squad from the great state of Texas.

Honestly, who knows. We just know it is unlikely -- not a given -- that both teams lose. The Reaper might scythe one or two, but the pack prevails.

Packers and Texans, FTMFW.

That is all.

Thursday Taunt VI

Everyone needs a crystal ball - this crazy mixed up NFL season follows no discernible path or plan. There are no safe bets, none at all. Well, let me add a caveat to that statement.

Because Cleveland.

But aside from simply following the Browns around to pick against them, there is no safe harbor upon which to shuttle your anchor. Home teams? Not safe. Double digit favorites? Nope, not having it. The rules this season seem more like guide lines than rules, and many have been made to be broken.

Except "do not bet against the Beloveds", and shame on those who did.

Week Six Stats

159 participants

7 undefeated at 6-0, including Swami Clan members Spawn of Swami and the Factor

51 with one loss at 5-1, including the Swami himself plus Darth Bennett and Avery of Avalor

35 who rode the broncos to a mile-high defeat

21 who soared with the falcons

101 deceased

Good times a-comin in the Pool in Week the Eighth.

That is all.

The Root of the Week VI

It is worth reminding those who have forgotten - as well as those who have not yet heard - of the Swami Hex. To pick against the Swami's Beloved Dolphins incurs the wrath of the Swami, and brings down upon thee the dreaded Swami Hex.

No participant with the Hex in place has ever won the Swami Pool.

How do you get rid of the Hex if you have it on you? You must pick the Dolphins to win, and win. Otherwise, only getting knocked out of the pool entirely ends the Hex.

The Falcons are a popular pick despite this warning. We shall see just what fate and fortune brings this crazy mixed up NFL Week Six. Texans are another popular pick, as are the Broncos. Redskins bringing up the rear.

As for the Swami Clan, picks this week are as follows as we venture into different directions for the first time in several weeks: Swami himself rides the Broncos, the Factor factors in for the Texans, Avalor as well supports Houston, the Spawn scalps alongside the Redskins, and Darth joins his patriarch in Denver. Not all of us will get through unscathed.

That is all.

The Root of the Week VI

Fun facts about cardinals, in case anyone is taking an exam in the near future:

(1) Cardinals are so named for their distinctive coloring, red like the robes of the Cardinals of the Roman Catholic Church, viva la Vatican;

(2) Ornithology is from the greek 'ornis', which means birds, and 'logos', which means explanation -- it is, therefore, an explanation of birds;

(3) Bird-watching is also called birding, and while ornithology is the official study of birds using formal scientific methods, birding is largely for recreational and social purposes;

(4) The cardinal is also thought to be colored red because of its romantic nature, with its chivalrous and old-fashioned courtship methods;

(5) The male cardinal will, during courtship, collect food for the female and actually feed the female himself, often times beak-to-beak in intimate, romantic bonding sessions that occur with great regularity;

(6) Once mated, the beak-to-beak only happens a couple times a month, if the male is lucky;

(7) The cardinal is a noted songbird, with mated male and female singing back and forth in clear whistled patterns, but also quite prideful and jealous as the songs are additionally used to aggressively defend territory and to chase off other males;

(8) Cardinals have resulted in significant losses in the Swami Pool this season, more losses, in fact, than any other team in the league;

(9) There is no rule against picking the Monday Night Football game, but it is a pain in the proverbial tail feathers to have to wait through the weekend and into the following week;

(10) Swami and his clan* will roll with the Cardinals on Monday Night, and will sing a song of their own alongside Faith Hill, set to a tune by Hank Williams, Jr.

That is all.

*Except Darth, who has already tried them, and will instead ride a Ta-Tonka to victory over the Kneeling Kaepernicks.

Friday Taunt VI

Bless the Beloveds, they have returned. I will dedicate this first paragraph to renewed hope in the strong Tight End hands of Dan Campbell. Color me impressed. Color me hopeful that there may yet be time to salvage what was once thought to be salvageable, and for a time now the Beloveds are in the exciting position of being intriguing.

Much like this year's pool, in which intrigues abound. More losses at the hands of the birds; Hitchcock would be so proud. We roll into Lady Luck's week with 81 surviving souls and only seven undefeateds.

Week Six Statistics
189 participants
7 players at 6-0
74 with one loss

17 week six losers

108 deceased

Onward we merrily roll. With most of the pool having used the Packers and Patriots at this point, good luck to us all. The Beloveds are open for business.

That is all.

Friday Taunt V of the Root of the Week VI

We dangle precariously and each week, it seems, brings more of the same. More devastation, more chaos. Week Three was but a blip, an aberration. Forty-five more of our finest lay down this past weekend -- and this is a later Taunt than normal, apologies apologies, as I am traveling at the moment and coming to you live from the great state of Wisconsin.

For those of you in Los Angeles, this is actually being posted tomorrow. Time changes, and all that. But I digress.

We are hanging from the small branch, ready to break at any moment. Only eight of us remain unscathed, eight majestic souls -- including the above-referenced Darth Bennett. The Spawn has fallen from the unbeaten ranks, but lives to play another day.

Once more the masses move in different directions. Week the Sixth is, in the words of Ze German, who knows his brutality, a "brutal brutal week."

And so let us remember David of the 23rd Psalm, he who walked through a shadowed valley without fear, as we walk once more toward the weekend, and the reckoning it is likely to bring. Regardless the outcome, we are strong together. We will not fear.

That is all.

PS - Or is it. Given my travels, and knowing no one knows when the arrival will actually occur on the morrow, I will put forth in this space the Spawn and Darth picks for the Sixth Week ... which are the same pick, and the best pick available this brutal week. Let it be known now how the 12th Man and his birds of the sea will rise up to slay the mighty undefeated (really?) Bagheera's of Carolina.

So it is written, so it shall be done.

Friday Taunt VI

He has come.

The scythe was swift and brutal this week, slicing through 45 participants in a beautiful symphony of chaos and devastation. Seahawks at home? Done. Bengals at home? Deadlocked. The Falcons at home? Clipped. My internet at home? No chance. The Giants on the road? Well, that pick was not well mapped out, in all honesty.

The Reaper reared his head in the Sixth Week as we pass the one-third mark of this crazy, topsy-turvy, who-knows-what NFL season. The Swami knows, of course, which is why the Swami and his brood are all undefeated, along with 30+ others.

Week Six Statistics
36 undefeated
67 with one loss*
89 deceased
45 week six losers
22 knocked out for good

*There's that 67 number again. Hmmm.

Yes, for those wondering at home, a tie is a loss in Suicide play. We can thank the original tie monsters, McNabb's Eagles, for that lovely little rule, which toasted a 10-spot of tigers this past weekend.

Three weeks left before the playoff rules take effect (starting in Week 10), so know your strategy and execute it correctly. For those who do not know what I am talking about, I apologize to you for your ignorance. Sadly, it is likely incurable.

That is all.

The Root of the Week VI

Continuing with the trend of flying with the birds, the Swami moves a different direction than the masses this week. Most have elected to ride with heavy hitters Broncos, Bengals, and Seahawks, with the occasional crazy person on the Chargers, a couple risking the Swami Hex on the Packers, and a smattering of Lions, Pats, and even a Titans.

But the Swami, along with a handful of others, will fly high above the fray, winging our merry way along as we descend upon the desert and watch the Little Birds do battle with the Politically Incorrectskins.

Speaking of, in honor of Ze German whose froth waxes high in favor of the Skins, the Swami Suicide Blog presents a contest for those interested in making a quick buck or forty. The winner will receive one free entry into the Suicide Pool next year. Contest: Email me your best new name for the Redskins, should the government pressure prove too much to bear. For example, the Washington Redtapes. That's my personal favorite.

Winner and top choices will be published in a future blog posting. For now, enjoy Week Six of the National Football League. I am off to join the Little Birds in flight.

That is all.

Thursday Taunt VI

Things to say after six--and only six--poor souls drop losses in Week Six on the red and blue bull. Not everything's bigger in Texas. Makes a wicked good burger. Douse the lights and dream of 2012. 

Has any quarterback, once excellent, become terrible faster than Matt Schaub? Five points for those who immediately thought of Eli Manning.

Week Six Stats
38 undefeated
78 with one loss
44 deceased

Your lack of loss is disturbing. Here's to lucky number seven for the Swami and the Reaper. Perhaps you have forgotten, but the Hex is still floating around out there, waiting for the right time to strike.

That is all.

The Root of the Week VI

A few weeks ago I mentioned the biggest lock pick in Suicide history was the Seahawks of Seattle besting the Kittens of Jacksonville. Let the debate begin on whether this week's Kitten game should be considered a bigger lock.

I myself tend to think that the Seattle game was a bigger lock, despite Denver looking like an unstoppable force. It's easier to travel to Denver and the Seattle stadium is recognized as the best home team crowd in football. Advantage: Seattle.

Still, being the second biggest lock pick in Suicide history is no small thing, which is why the masses have spoken and are following, Swami included. Muchos participantes on the Broncos, along with the 49ers, Seahawks, Chiefs, Cowboys, and Texans.

I think the Reaper will have to take a week off.

That is all.