The Root of the Week VI

A double dose of teams for the Swami Clan on this fine Week Six, a double dose of teams and thus a double dose of images. There is no pick to feel good about, not ever, in this crazy 2018 season ... but I suppose if one was to feel good about anything, it would be (1) a backup quarterback for an otherwise extraordinarily medium team going into Rodgers-land (despite the gimp) and, therefore, highly unlikely to Lambeau Leap, and (2) a rookie-and-yes-plays-like-an-unseasoned-rookie-led team in the NFL going up against a highly competitive if somewhat up-and-down (are not they all) defensive-oriented squad from the great state of Texas.

Honestly, who knows. We just know it is unlikely -- not a given -- that both teams lose. The Reaper might scythe one or two, but the pack prevails.

Packers and Texans, FTMFW.

That is all.

The Root of the Week I

The very notion of 'beginning' is a powerful one, if one so chooses to see it so. There is no purer moment, no more uninhibited realm. We begin, and hope springs eternal. We begin, and all else is wiped clean. We begin, and there is magic inherent. 'Twas a wise man who said, "It is time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings." Wise, indeed, for rare has a greater truth been said, and so we thank the good Meister for his excellent turn of phrase and take his words most readily to heart: there is magic in the air, the kind of magic only the fall can bring.

Ladies and gentlemen, honored guests, colleagues, heroes, villains, compatriots, competitors, lovers, and friends, I bid you welcome once more to another great and glorious year of the Suicide Pool. Allow myself to introduce myself, your host, the mischievous, oft-villainous, perhaps murderous, always iniquitous Swami of House Me, first of my name.

For those who are new to the Pool, you have much to learn, and I as your illustrious host am here to guide you and teach you, and help you along your merry way. We shall stay one step ahead of the Reaper himself, preferably two steps, for the Reaper waits on the fringes of our pool -- waiting for those who stumble and fall, waiting with sharpened scythe to finish them off. It could be short, it could be expansive, it will always be informative.

But how best to avoid the Reaper? How best to ensure you are the one left standing when the dust settles? Many men, women, and children have taken their own quite curious roads to reach the promised land; who will join them? Who will guide them?

Yes, my friends, I will come now to tell of the Two Staples and Five Rules of the Swami Suicide Pool. Rules are made to be broken, 'tis true, and more rules than one cares to admit will be broken this weekend by many experienced veterans of the Pool, and still. Still you must know them, must lay your head on the pillow and remember them, must post them widely and reverently across all manner of media.

The Two Staples of the Suicide Pool are the Root of the Week and the Tuesday Taunt. In the former, the Swami lays down his own weekly pick in advance of Sunday play, as well as the trending popular selections (and while the NFL has dropped Roman Numerals, not so shall the Swami's Root). In the latter, he taunts all those who perished the weekend prior with a Tuesday (oft Wednesday or Thursday) blog post and group email. The Swami, you will come to know, loves chaos, and relishes it.

The Five Rules for making selections in the Suicide Pool are as follows: (1) Never pick a road team; (2) Never pick a team playing a team within its own division; (3) Never pick the Chargers prior to Week Six; (4) Never pick the same team with all five of your entries; and, most importantly, (5) Never pick against the Swami's orange and aqua Beloveds, lest you risk the Swami Hex. Know, and remember.

It seems already there are those who have forgotten the rules -- the Beloveds, they of the 10.5 road-team-underdog status -- are a popular pick on this first week. It should be noted that even if you select the Seahawks and they win this week, it does not save you from the Swami Hex: it is written in sand and in stone and in fire that no participant who picks the Dolphins to lose shall ever win the Suicide Pool.

The masses have not moved in as many directions as usual for Week One; last season saw half the league selected. This week, however, it seems the Seahawks (boo) and Chiefs, with a smattering of others thrown in for good measure.

I myself have ruminated and marinated on multiple options in recent days, trying to find the best and most likely option; it has taken all my thought and some considerable skill to find the proper choice this first week. There will be no breaking of the Rules this week.

Give me JJ Watt and the Bad Boys of Texas, Houston that is, for the win.

And so, once more without further ado, with the first Root set and the Pool locked and loaded, I declare this season of the Swami Suicide Pool officially open.

That is all.

The Root of the Week XIII

It's Marino week. Let us all take a moment to reflect upon the best arm in the business ... Alright, on to the more important matters at hand. 

We have three and thirteen in Week 13, three undefeateds and thirteen one lossers. There is more pressure on the remaining participants than the derrier of Cameron Frye. This includes the masses rooting for the Rams of St. Louis, the prevailing pick, as well as the Swami Spawn, who pins her American Girl doll purchase fates on the Lone Star state this weekend, in the form of JJ Watt and his glorious Texans. 

Run, Arian, run. 

That is all. 

Thursday Taunt VI

Things to say after six--and only six--poor souls drop losses in Week Six on the red and blue bull. Not everything's bigger in Texas. Makes a wicked good burger. Douse the lights and dream of 2012. 

Has any quarterback, once excellent, become terrible faster than Matt Schaub? Five points for those who immediately thought of Eli Manning.

Week Six Stats
38 undefeated
78 with one loss
44 deceased

Your lack of loss is disturbing. Here's to lucky number seven for the Swami and the Reaper. Perhaps you have forgotten, but the Hex is still floating around out there, waiting for the right time to strike.

That is all.

The Root of the Week II

The masses fall into two categories this good and glorious second week: those who have, and those who yet. Those who have are, not unsurprisingly, in the minority, and they are the ones sitting fat and fancy this weekend, free of heart and spirit, secure in the knowledge that they will move on to Week Three.

I am, of course, referring to those who took the Patriots on Thursday night.

There were a good many, and they sweated out a prime time nail-biter with Angry Tom and the Gang Green Genos, but ultimately prevailed --- and so they watch with gleeful amusement as the rest of the masses sweat out their own Week Two selections.

Which are rather varied, it seems.

We have the Bears, the Eagles, the Ravens, the Packers, the Bengals, the Vikings, the Saints, the Falcons, the Cardinals, and even the Raiders in on the action, with the Ravens getting the most action of the above bunch.

But like a herd of cattle crossing the Texas panhandle, pack mentality in spades, the heaviest flow of participants has migrated to old Reliant Stadium, and put their money on the solitary star. I will join them.

That is all.

The Root of the Week IX

I believe it was the Butterfly who said, "They passed down all the roads long ago, and the Red Bull ran behind them and covered their footsteps."

I also believe that none of you will take from the above quote what I wish you to, instead wondering why the Swami is talking about energy drinks. You're wrong, of course, but then again, you've been wrong before.

Well, all but 18 of you.

And so we come to Week Nine, which is particularly important given it is followed by Week Ten, which triggers the playoff team selection clause in the rules. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you deserve the Red Bull.

Speaking of, the vast majority have placed their eggs in the basket of a very ornery beast. It is half-red, half-blue, and wholly unpredictable. I suppose it makes no difference that a Blue Bull is not a bull at all; it's an antelope, and therefore exists only as prey for larger animals. Additionally, several Texas ranches offer nilgai as the prey in sport hunting. Karl Rove shot one. Just sayin'.

Now that the majority feels better about their pick, who should the majority root against? The Boys, naturally, and as usual. The Pats, who got their groove back with a late flurry of picks. The Dirty Birds, who have yet to win a big game all year. Plus a smattering of others, too minor to mention.

Here's hoping you and yours don't end up Haggard by the sea.

That is all.

The Root of the Week V

Before we touch upon the breaking news, it behooves me to mention that the big bet this week is by far and away the New York Football Giants. For those of you on the Giants, feel free to root against the Patriots.

Now, on to the rest.

It's a sad day in the NFL, despite his naysayers. While I would never root for his team, and in later years he and his organization jumped the shark in ways not considered possible in professional sports outside the realm of Sterling, one cannot argue a legacy of success prior to the millenium turning and an indelible impact on the game. He will be missed by football people much smarter than I for a laundry list of accomplishments, and by the masses if at the very least for his draft day entertainment value. His passing is timely, too, given the selection of the Swami this week.

RIP, Al Davis.

RIP, Raiders.

That is all.