In honor of Poe and his Raven, whose flock is being asked to shepherd a great mass of participants safely into Week Eleven, musings from the man himself.
"Men have called me mad; but the question is not yet settled, whether
madness is or is not the loftiest intelligence -- whether much that is
glorious -- whether all that is profound -- does not spring from disease of
thought -- from moods of mind exalted at the expense of the general
intellect.
There are two bodies -- the rudimental and the complete -- corresponding
with the two conditions of the worm and the butterfly. What we call
"death," is but the painful metamorphosis. Our present incarnation is
progressive, preparatory, temporary. Our future is perfected, ultimate,
immortal. The ultimate life is the full design.
They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.
It is more than probable that I am not
understood; but I fear, indeed, that it is in no manner possible to
convey to the mind of the merely general reader, an adequate idea of
that nervous intensity of interest with which, in my case, the powers of
meditation (not to speak technically) busied and buried themselves, in
the contemplation of even the most ordinary objects of the universe.
It will be found, in fact, that the ingenious are always fanciful, and the truly imaginative never otherwise than analytic."
Poe speaks truly, like the Swami was seated before him asking for a personally evaluative oratory. Swami speaks truly, as well, and expects scores of participants to look for the Ravens to come knocking on victory's door this weekend. However, and despite the obviousness of the Ravens pick, there will be no Ravensing for the Swami and his clan.
I feel the holy light of heaven's army upon me, and whilst they have struggled mightily, so too hast their opponent, and the old adage holds as true today as it did years ago: "why root for one Harbrother when there is another to root against?"
And so the Swami will lay down with the Saints, and hope for divine inspiration at home in the bayou, whilst the boy and girl tab the road-weary Falcons and Steelers for their selections, as we all look to roll effortlessly along.
That is all.
What is there to say about Colin Kaepernick? For starters, he might be the most overrated quarterback in the NFL, getting paid far too much for what he brings to the table; San Fran should have consulted the Swami before passing over that massive check to ensure their own mediocrity for years to come. Second, his body looks like a tribal headdress. Let's face it, the man enjoys tattoos.
Know what I enjoy? Holding on to the football. Five participants will languish below the line forever more because someone *coughKaepcough* could not hold on to the football, and Jess falls from the ranks of the undefeated. Plus a default loss on the Giants gives up a quiet week, so perhaps instead of taunting the man I should be thanking him. The Swami does love his chaos, after all.
Weekend Statistics
11 undefeated at 9-0
32 with one loss at 8-1
149 utterly deceased
We enter Week 10, which marks a shift in the rules and strategy of Suicide Pool play. Henceforth, any team selected is unavailable for the rest of the season, including playoffs.
Also worth mentioning is a comparison with last season and a reminder about the absolute devastation that came with Week 10 of 2013. After Week 09 last season, there were 30 undefeateds and 63 with one loss --- obviously we are quite ahead of that pace this season. However, in Week 10 last season, when the winless Jags got their first on the road versus the Titans, only four were left undefeated with 39 participants total. "X" has marked the devastation spot for many a Suicide season; the Reaper eagerly waits to see if the scythe will be active again in 2014. I'd like to say good luck, but you all know what I'm rooting for.
That is all.
The cream always rises. In this crazy chaotic NFL season, the cream is rising sooner rather than later --- as evidenced by the masses of participants no longer even inside the bottle.
As usual, the masses are moving in different directions, but the Seahawks (yes, those responsible for significant losses this year) and the Bengals (yes, those who have been playing too poorly of late) are the primary winners.
As for the Swami and his brood, as follows: the wife is on the Chiefs, the girl is on the 49ers, the boy is on the Chiefs, and the Swami himself does indeed like the Tigers to maul the lowly Jags in a battle of the big cats.
That is all.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have our Dirty Dozen.
'Twas a beating the masses took on Monday night, to the tune of 45 poor souls feeling the sharp end of the scythe. A third of those were previous unbeatens, dropping the number of those not yet burdened with loss to a meager 12. We have also crossed the 50 threshold, with 143 deceased participants. It behooves me to mention that I myself am still undefeated, as is one of my spawn.
"As for the rest of the undefeateds, allow me to present the most twisted, anti-social bunch of psychopathic deformities I have ever run into. You've got one religious maniac, one malignant dwarf, two near-idiots ... and the rest I don't even want to think about."
Week Eight Statistics
192 participants
12 undefeated at 8-0
37 with one loss at 7-1
49 Week Eight losers
45 crushed by the Cowboys
Note: there is one week left (Week Nine) before the playoff rules kick in and any team selected thereafter cannot be used again this season, not even in the playoffs. So strategize wisely while there is still time to strategize; after Week Nine, the Suicide Pool is solely about survival.
That is all.
As we near the Week 10 marker, when the season really gets real, when the noose tightens and the claws come out, it behooves to remind participants of how precious time really is. Once eliminated, 'tis another ten long months to the start of the Suicide Pool for 2015, when a fresh batch of hope springs eternal.
The crystal ball has proven worthy thus far and the Swami and his brood will look to improve upon their successes in Week Eight, along with the other 25 undefeateds. Most action seems to be coming in this fine weekend on the Cowboys of Dallas, breaking the rule of divisional rivals, with secondary action on the Beloveds to best the improving-but-still-hapless Kitties of Jacksonville.
The Swami has already utilized the Beloveds, of course, trusting their competency long before this point, likewise the spouse and offspring. The brood will, therefore, go in four different directions: the spouse on the Swashbucklers, the girl on the Browns, the boy putting his faith in Bootleg's heir and riding the Cowboys with the masses, and the Swami himself settling down for a round of vision-gathering with the shamans of the Chiefs.
Good luck to those who remain as a wave of nostalgia washes over in honor of those who have fallen. It serves as another stark reminder: like sands through the hourglass, so pass the weeks of the Suicide season.
That is all.
Not so fast there, young fellas.
Every season there is one team that seems to emerge from the pack, not in terms of its dominance or its lack thereof, but for its combination of the two. The team that looks really, really good, but loses --- and in the process, takes a whole slew of Suicide Pool participants with them.
Well, my friends, most of you likely know the answer to this trivia question, having suffered anguish and defeat at their hands already . . . Seattle Seahawks, take a big bow. Notching another 26 losses last Sunday, the Seahawks have now accounted for more than one-third of all losses this year.
Weekly Statistics
29 undefeated at 7-0
49 with one loss at 6-1
113 deceased
30 week seven losers
26 Seahawks losers
Less than 30 remain without blemish, including the Swami, Swami's spawn, and Swami's wife. Keep tabs of our picks as always on this blog, if only to try to jump on the coattails of our prognostication successes.
That is all.
The whole of the Swami brood is undefeated at present, a lovely and enjoyable place to be, and yet instead of rolling en masse on our picks as we have done through the first six weeks, we now will branch out on our own, seeking the elusive and majestic Trifecta win.
We begin with the Spawn, who have elected to ride the HOF arm of one Mr. Peyton Manning. The Broncos of Denver shall best the 49ers of San Francisco, whose pans will come up empty once again in Mile High.
We move next to the Factor, the beautiful spouse of Swami, who is miffed the Spawn has taken the Broncos, and instead will settle for the HOF arm of the horseshoe heir, Mr. Andrew Luck. The Colts of Indianapolis shall best the Bengals of Cincinnati, and continue the tiger tailspin.
Last, we move to the Swami himself, who always like a little Poe in his life. And so open here I fling the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter, in there steps a raven of the saintly days of yore. And this raven, never flitting, still with patient perch is sitting, on the gleaming statue of the Swami by the door. And his eyes have all the seeming of that Swami who is dreaming, of the spawn and wife who family mantle burdens bore. And this raven still beguiling all my fancy into smiling, on this night shall ease my plight, and yield a safely winning score.
That is all.
He has come.
The scythe was swift and brutal this week, slicing through 45 participants in a beautiful symphony of chaos and devastation. Seahawks at home? Done. Bengals at home? Deadlocked. The Falcons at home? Clipped. My internet at home? No chance. The Giants on the road? Well, that pick was not well mapped out, in all honesty.
The Reaper reared his head in the Sixth Week as we pass the one-third mark of this crazy, topsy-turvy, who-knows-what NFL season. The Swami knows, of course, which is why the Swami and his brood are all undefeated, along with 30+ others.
Week Six Statistics
36 undefeated
67 with one loss*
89 deceased
45 week six losers
22 knocked out for good
*There's that 67 number again. Hmmm.
Yes, for those wondering at home, a tie is a loss in Suicide play. We can thank the original tie monsters, McNabb's Eagles, for that lovely little rule, which toasted a 10-spot of tigers this past weekend.
Three weeks left before the playoff rules take effect (starting in Week 10), so know your strategy and execute it correctly. For those who do not know what I am talking about, I apologize to you for your ignorance. Sadly, it is likely incurable.
That is all.
Continuing with the trend of flying with the birds, the Swami moves a different direction than the masses this week. Most have elected to ride with heavy hitters Broncos, Bengals, and Seahawks, with the occasional crazy person on the Chargers, a couple risking the Swami Hex on the Packers, and a smattering of Lions, Pats, and even a Titans.
But the Swami, along with a handful of others, will fly high above the fray, winging our merry way along as we descend upon the desert and watch the Little Birds do battle with the Politically Incorrectskins.
Speaking of, in honor of Ze German whose froth waxes high in favor of the Skins, the Swami Suicide Blog presents a contest for those interested in making a quick buck or forty. The winner will receive one free entry into the Suicide Pool next year. Contest: Email me your best new name for the Redskins, should the government pressure prove too much to bear. For example, the Washington Redtapes. That's my personal favorite.
Winner and top choices will be published in a future blog posting. For now, enjoy Week Six of the National Football League. I am off to join the Little Birds in flight.
That is all.
Meow.
The sound emanating from Ford Field on Sunday last: meow. 'Twas the Cubs that were responsible for 16 losses in Week Five -- all losses but one, and that was a default pick/panic.
Week Five has been a tough week for the majority of participants in years past, but the majority emerged unscathed in 2014, riding the Packers, Saints, Eagles, Seahawks, Steelers, and a smattering of others to success and survival. Still the losses are piling up as the numbers hit approximated thirds: one third undefeated, one third with one loss, one third out.
Weekly Statistics
58 at 5-0
67 with one loss
67 deceased
17 losers in Week Five
10 scythed for good in Week Five
Onward we merrily go into Week the Sixth. For those still undefeated, the sound you hear is the sweet sound of success, like harpers from heaven tugging the heartstrings of joy. For those with one loss, the sound you hear is the scrrch of the noose tightening around your neck, or perhaps the sllllfftt of the reaper sharpening his scythe. For those deceased, the sound you hear is . . .
That is all.
