The Root of the Week VI

Fun facts about cardinals, in case anyone is taking an exam in the near future:

(1) Cardinals are so named for their distinctive coloring, red like the robes of the Cardinals of the Roman Catholic Church, viva la Vatican;

(2) Ornithology is from the greek 'ornis', which means birds, and 'logos', which means explanation -- it is, therefore, an explanation of birds;

(3) Bird-watching is also called birding, and while ornithology is the official study of birds using formal scientific methods, birding is largely for recreational and social purposes;

(4) The cardinal is also thought to be colored red because of its romantic nature, with its chivalrous and old-fashioned courtship methods;

(5) The male cardinal will, during courtship, collect food for the female and actually feed the female himself, often times beak-to-beak in intimate, romantic bonding sessions that occur with great regularity;

(6) Once mated, the beak-to-beak only happens a couple times a month, if the male is lucky;

(7) The cardinal is a noted songbird, with mated male and female singing back and forth in clear whistled patterns, but also quite prideful and jealous as the songs are additionally used to aggressively defend territory and to chase off other males;

(8) Cardinals have resulted in significant losses in the Swami Pool this season, more losses, in fact, than any other team in the league;

(9) There is no rule against picking the Monday Night Football game, but it is a pain in the proverbial tail feathers to have to wait through the weekend and into the following week;

(10) Swami and his clan* will roll with the Cardinals on Monday Night, and will sing a song of their own alongside Faith Hill, set to a tune by Hank Williams, Jr.

That is all.

*Except Darth, who has already tried them, and will instead ride a Ta-Tonka to victory over the Kneeling Kaepernicks.

Day of Wednes Double Taunt V

At long last, statistics. I know how long you have waited, I know how long you have salivated, I know how long you have chewed and chewed and chewed . . . so here I am to double your pleasure and double your fun with a healthy helping of Double Taunt for this most excellent Week the Fifth.

Let us begin with a flashback, however, to Week Four. It was not a pretty week, so I imagine a fair number of you were quite happy with a limited report -- after all, there is no need to wallow in the inferiority of your football acumen. The actual number of those who tasted bitter defeat in Week Four is 67, with a double dozen on their way out the door for good. Most damage was done at the hands of a trendy pre-season Superbowl matchup with the Pats and Cards doing it dirty, and coasting to losses. It might still happen, of course, those teams in the Big Dance, but that will not be of any consolation to those who dearly departed at their hands.

Week Four also saw a fair number of participants elect inexplicably to take the Bengals against the Beloveds, thereby bringing further down the Swami Hex upon themselves. It has become so rampant that the Update Spreadsheet now includes color coding to discern just who still has the Hex upon them, and woe be to those poor souls.

I also understand that some of you might be likely to look to ride the Steelers in Week Six; let me caution you against such foolishness. Manny P, Guapo, and the devilish HARLEYqWIN have already declared their intentions to visit Steeltown this week at the expense of the Beloveds; while it might seem tempting to follow an unabashed coquette like the pig-tailed Harley, there is naught but hex and heartache to be found at the end of that particular road.

Which brings us out of our comic-inspired digression and back into the glorious land of the pigskin, and the light-heartedness that we call Week Five. It was a casual affair, only a fine fifteen finding their way into the loss column -- with a ten-spot given the boot for the final time. It was a small but illustrious group of losers, including one previous winner and a pair of past-year finalists.

The Patriots and Steelers were the safe picks. I would like to add a special congratulations to Duster D 04, who accomplished something heretofore thought impossible: this bold man chose the Raiders to win, and won. Well played, sir. Well played, indeed.

And now we come to the moment you've all been waiting for, a Double Dose of the Weekly Statistics:

202 participants
157 still alive
71 undefeated at 5-0
86 with one loss at 4-1
56 deceased with two losses
41 losers on the cards week four
67 week four losers
15 week five losers
1 undefeated swami at 5-0
1 undefeated swami wife at 5-0
2 swami kids at 4-1

Week Six is around the corner, only one more week before the Rule ends and the Chargers can be selected once again. Only four more weeks before the Playoff Rules go into effect. If you do not know the Playoff Rules (and by rules I mean the actual logistics of the pool, not my own personal Swami rules) -- and these rules are vital so make sure you have them down. Basic strategy demands you do.

Nearly on third of the way there; to those who remain, well done. It is a success to have survived this long. Give yourself a hearty pat on the back -- nay, in honor of the double dose, give yourself two pats. Want someone else to pat your back for you? Well, the Reaper is happy to oblige.

Here endeth the Double Dose.

That is all.

Thursday Taunt IV

To punt something is to delay in taking action. Also, it is something professional football coaches never fake, much to my own dismay. A good fake punt is worth it's weight in gold, and yet rarely is such a sight to be seen in today's NFL.

The blog this week features a photo of an Arizona Cardinal punting, because it is apt. First, I have punted the Update from this week into next week, a rare thing indeed; sometimes, however, it cannot be helped. I have punted it away and will look to rebound with a double dose next week. Second, one thing I do know without an official tally is that we lost a fair many people this past weekend (Week Four) who put their faith in birds, not rules, and lost.

But I digress. More words looking back will follow early next week. Until then, I will head back into my swamp where the work overwhelms like moss on the very trees. A special update next week with lots of interesting tidbits and info.

That is all.

The Root of the Week VII

The masses are moving on this fine Sunday morning ... and they are moving in many different mysterious ways. Various teams on the selection platter? Vikings, Falcons, Patriots, Rams, Cardinals, Colts, Beloveds, Panthers, Chargers, Packers, Steelers, Bills, etc.

Needless to say, there will be some carnage this week. The Reaper remains on standby, as he has all season long.

Only one clan member remains as the Swami brood pins its hopes on the darkside of the force. Darth Bennett will join many other rowdy friends on Monday night and pin his hopes on the Desert Birds of Arizona.

That is all.

The Root of the Week IV

And just like that, we are back to bunches of different teams. It seems there is no consensus this week: Cardinals are popular, Colts are popular, Broncos are popular, and many have disregarded the Rules once more and selected the Chargers prior to Week Seven. These, among many others. This, my friends, is a dangerous proposition.

And so there are three choices before the Swami and his immortal clan, three options and none of them look appetizing. Behind Door #01? The Colts, likely Luckless. Behind Door #02? The Broncos at home at Mile High. Behind Door #03? The Cardinals, Infinity-0 when Carson Palmer plays. 

And yet you know how the Swami does not travel once-traveled by ways, the path he chooses is his own, and the true one. And so the Swami and his brood will take not One, not Two, not Three, but indeed all three doors as we root collectively for bird and horse in Week Four: Colts, Broncos, and Cardinals.

That is all.

The Root of the Week VI

Continuing with the trend of flying with the birds, the Swami moves a different direction than the masses this week. Most have elected to ride with heavy hitters Broncos, Bengals, and Seahawks, with the occasional crazy person on the Chargers, a couple risking the Swami Hex on the Packers, and a smattering of Lions, Pats, and even a Titans.

But the Swami, along with a handful of others, will fly high above the fray, winging our merry way along as we descend upon the desert and watch the Little Birds do battle with the Politically Incorrectskins.

Speaking of, in honor of Ze German whose froth waxes high in favor of the Skins, the Swami Suicide Blog presents a contest for those interested in making a quick buck or forty. The winner will receive one free entry into the Suicide Pool next year. Contest: Email me your best new name for the Redskins, should the government pressure prove too much to bear. For example, the Washington Redtapes. That's my personal favorite.

Winner and top choices will be published in a future blog posting. For now, enjoy Week Six of the National Football League. I am off to join the Little Birds in flight.

That is all.

The Root of the Week XI

After last week's Cinderella story, and given the Cards are lean, mean, and not too far between, I felt it fitting to add a little Spackler to the pages of Suicide---and after last week's drubbing of the masses, a little ball wash couldn't hurt anyone, either.

Kickoff is a few minutes away, so it's a light Root this week; I am exhausted reading all the pithy commentary in your emails from Week 10. I do enjoy it, however, even if I do not respond, so keep the dialogue coming.

The Texans have a lot of action, the Bengals have a lot of action, and the Cardinals as well. The Lions, Eagles, Giants, and Chargers also have a little love from the participants this week. Another plum opportunity for the Reaper . . . we will see if he is still fat and happy from Week 10.

That is all.