The Root of the Week VIII

This is a difficult week. It is a difficult week, a dastardly week, laborious and burdensome and loathsome. It is an ugly, low down, dirty, knock-down, drag-out, all-around, and altogether ... dare I say it ... HATEFUL week. Fitting, given it is Week the Eighth. Tarantino has vision and the world wears bifocals, and though they be more often as not tinted red, 'tis a splendid vision, indeed.

And so it falls to you, the participants, to look down the list and pick the least of all evils. There is no choice comes not without risk. There are no locks this hateful week eight, there are no "gimme" games or "sure thing" selections. It is survive at all costs, sponsored by Jimmie Dimmick.

Let us discuss the matchups, one by one:

Jags @ Titans ... Completed already, not that anyone who has been a part of this pool for any length of time would ever pick the Titans to beat the Jags. This matchup several years back was cause for one of the greatest upsets in Swami Pool history; 70 participants took the Titans to win ... and they lost. 'Twas also a crowning Swami achievement. Would've also broken the division game rule.

Skins @ Bengals ... Logic dictates this to be one of the better matchups this week. No rules broken, one of the few this can be said about. And yet ... Skins have shown great flashes and sit 4-3, while the Bengals has shown the reverse and sit 3-4. No one would feel great about this one. Swami Sayeth: Bengals 27, Skins 23.

Jets @ Browns ... No one would take the 0-7 Browns to win, would they? No one would take the 2-5 Jets to win on the road, would they? Because Cleveland, maybe, but remember the Tribe is up 3-1. Swami Sayeth: Browns 20, Jets 19. Darth Bennett likes to live dangerously: Cleveland to win.

Seahawks @ Saints ... Is anyone willing to take the Seahawks traveling cross country on the road? Feel like picking against Brees against a banged up Seattle secondary? No broken rules, just broken dreams for the ones who elect to select this one. Swami Sayeth: Saints 27, Seahawks 16.

Cards @ Panthers ... Hope it doesn't come down to a field goal. Panthers are 1-5 and sputtering, but coming off a bye. The Cards have struggled, but still have weapons galore. Swami Sayeth: Cardinals 30, Panthers 20.

Pats @ Bills ... Rules, rules, rules. Bills cannot beat Patriots twice, can they? With Brady back and lighting things up? Pats are on the road against a team that is in their head. Good luck finding your way with this one. Swami Sayeth: Pats 34, Bills 23.

Raiders @ Bucs ... Meh. Swami Sayeth: Raiders 19, Bucs 17.

Chiefs @ Colts ... Reid's boys seem like the logical pick ... they are just on the road. Swami Says: Chiefs 24, Colts 23.

Lions @ Texans ... The best game no one will watch. Lots of scoring, I think, in this one. No one can really trust the Texans, can the Lions be trusted on the road? Swami Sayeth: Lions 33, Texans 19. If you've gotta pick a winner, make it a Lion, says the Factor.

Chargers @ Denver ... Breaks a divison rule and no one ever likes betting for or against the Chargers. Should be a game the Broncos win. Why, then, are my palms sweating? Swami Sayeth: Broncos 17, Chargers 16. The Swami himself takes the Broncos to win.

Packers @ Falcons ... Good luck with either of these teams. Have no idea what to expect so this one's a full shot in the dark. Swami Sayeth: Falcons 31, Packers 30.

Eagles @ Cowboys ... Division rivalry, two top teams, Dak vs Carson. Too many storylines, just one matters. Swami Sayeth: Boys 24, Eagles 20.

Vikings @ Bears ... Who wants to wait until Monday, really. Division game. Favored team on the road. So many rules to break, so little time. No one will actually pick the Bears, of course, but Vikings are a hard pill to swallow. Swami Sayeth Upset Special: Bears 23, Vikings 18.

Only the Swami remains undefeated; the Factor and Darth have one loss apiece, and Mama Bear lives no more. Once again, we roll Browns, Lions, and Broncos. When has that trifecta EVER hit on the same weekend? Good luck to everyone on this hateful, hateful week.

That is all.

Friday Taunt VII

Twenty four people stepped up to the board with Bart by their side, stinging from the loss, to write "I WILL NOT DO THE DIRTY BIRD" in powder white.

It is a season of slow bleed. There has not been any crushing week of loss, but each week has seen a consistent level of chaos -- which keeps the Reaper busy, but does not satisfy. By comparison, there are almost 50 more participants still alive this season than were at the same point last season.

At this rate, we are on pace to make it to the end of the regular season, which means the playoff rules -- rapidly approaching after Week Nine -- will be important once again.

Weekend Stats
202 participants
115 still alive
40 undefeated
75 with one loss
87 deceased

Onward we roll to Week Eight with many teams on the bye. Good luck to all those who still breathe, may your Monday morning breath be your finest yet.

That is all.

The Root of the Week VII

The Swami household is a conflicted place at present, thanks to the roll call of games slated for the weekend, Week the Seventh as it so happens. There are not many good games to choose from; it is not supposed to be this hard just seven short weeks into the season. 'Tis a veritable crap shoot, as they say.

And yet, here we are, standing upon a precipice overlooking evil match-ups, looking for the lesser and least of them all. Perhaps it is simply the season for 'lesser-of-evil' choices ... and in the end a choice must be made.

Do we break a rule and take the Bengals to beat a divisional foe? The tigermen are at home, and in the words of the immortal Ze German, "Because Cleveland." A good reason, indeed.

It is Week Seven and so there is no rule anymore about picking for or against the Chargers, but they have burned many a fine and fair bridge before. Do we follow the advice of one Mr. Bart Simpson ("I will NOT do the Dirty Bird") or do we roll with Hot-lanta and do that dirty bird all the way into next week?

Do we base our lives on bucking a trend to ride the broncos on Monday night, losers of two in a row? What was the old line about riding the bucking bronco?

Do we go farther afield, perhaps taking the Chiefs against the explosive Saints offense? Not likely. Do we roll a Titan down a merry lane, as some it seems are wont to do? Not hardly.

In the end, the conflict reigns supreme and the Swami clan will diverge and look to all hit that sweet seven on the first roll -- lest we not, and crap out. Myself, breaking rules, because Cleveland. The Factor, shaking that dirty bird. Darth, bucking the trend. Mama Bear, going fully rogue and crossing the pond to take the "home team" in Los Angeles, London.

Will the group survive? Pass the dice, please, new shooter coming out!

That is all.

Friday Taunt VI

Got a package, people. My sincerest condolences to all those who elected to look to Steel a victory this past weekend, Week the Sixth, and came up disappointingly empty. Let it not be said that there were not warnings, let it not be said that we tried not to dissuade you.

The herd is beginning to thin. We lost 27 more for the second and final time with 20 more taking their first loss -- for those counting, almost one third of the pool took it on the chin thanks to the Packers, Broncos, Raiders, Eagles, and, of course, the Steelers. We bid adieu to those who have departed.

We have three weeks left (Seven, Eight, Nine) before the playoff rules kick in; I highly recommend you know what these are. Likewise, it is recommended that you review the spreadsheet to confirm your picks have been recorded correctly each and every week.

Weekly Statistics
202 participants
130 still alive
51 undefeated at 6-0
79 with one loss at 5-1
47 week six losers
27 departed for good
72 deceased

We enter Week Seven, some with exceptional confidence, some with wavering mindsets, some still in a full-scale panic. Ah, the gloriousness that is the Swami Pool. Long may it reign.

That is all.

The Root of the Week VI

Fun facts about cardinals, in case anyone is taking an exam in the near future:

(1) Cardinals are so named for their distinctive coloring, red like the robes of the Cardinals of the Roman Catholic Church, viva la Vatican;

(2) Ornithology is from the greek 'ornis', which means birds, and 'logos', which means explanation -- it is, therefore, an explanation of birds;

(3) Bird-watching is also called birding, and while ornithology is the official study of birds using formal scientific methods, birding is largely for recreational and social purposes;

(4) The cardinal is also thought to be colored red because of its romantic nature, with its chivalrous and old-fashioned courtship methods;

(5) The male cardinal will, during courtship, collect food for the female and actually feed the female himself, often times beak-to-beak in intimate, romantic bonding sessions that occur with great regularity;

(6) Once mated, the beak-to-beak only happens a couple times a month, if the male is lucky;

(7) The cardinal is a noted songbird, with mated male and female singing back and forth in clear whistled patterns, but also quite prideful and jealous as the songs are additionally used to aggressively defend territory and to chase off other males;

(8) Cardinals have resulted in significant losses in the Swami Pool this season, more losses, in fact, than any other team in the league;

(9) There is no rule against picking the Monday Night Football game, but it is a pain in the proverbial tail feathers to have to wait through the weekend and into the following week;

(10) Swami and his clan* will roll with the Cardinals on Monday Night, and will sing a song of their own alongside Faith Hill, set to a tune by Hank Williams, Jr.

That is all.

*Except Darth, who has already tried them, and will instead ride a Ta-Tonka to victory over the Kneeling Kaepernicks.

Day of Wednes Double Taunt V

At long last, statistics. I know how long you have waited, I know how long you have salivated, I know how long you have chewed and chewed and chewed . . . so here I am to double your pleasure and double your fun with a healthy helping of Double Taunt for this most excellent Week the Fifth.

Let us begin with a flashback, however, to Week Four. It was not a pretty week, so I imagine a fair number of you were quite happy with a limited report -- after all, there is no need to wallow in the inferiority of your football acumen. The actual number of those who tasted bitter defeat in Week Four is 67, with a double dozen on their way out the door for good. Most damage was done at the hands of a trendy pre-season Superbowl matchup with the Pats and Cards doing it dirty, and coasting to losses. It might still happen, of course, those teams in the Big Dance, but that will not be of any consolation to those who dearly departed at their hands.

Week Four also saw a fair number of participants elect inexplicably to take the Bengals against the Beloveds, thereby bringing further down the Swami Hex upon themselves. It has become so rampant that the Update Spreadsheet now includes color coding to discern just who still has the Hex upon them, and woe be to those poor souls.

I also understand that some of you might be likely to look to ride the Steelers in Week Six; let me caution you against such foolishness. Manny P, Guapo, and the devilish HARLEYqWIN have already declared their intentions to visit Steeltown this week at the expense of the Beloveds; while it might seem tempting to follow an unabashed coquette like the pig-tailed Harley, there is naught but hex and heartache to be found at the end of that particular road.

Which brings us out of our comic-inspired digression and back into the glorious land of the pigskin, and the light-heartedness that we call Week Five. It was a casual affair, only a fine fifteen finding their way into the loss column -- with a ten-spot given the boot for the final time. It was a small but illustrious group of losers, including one previous winner and a pair of past-year finalists.

The Patriots and Steelers were the safe picks. I would like to add a special congratulations to Duster D 04, who accomplished something heretofore thought impossible: this bold man chose the Raiders to win, and won. Well played, sir. Well played, indeed.

And now we come to the moment you've all been waiting for, a Double Dose of the Weekly Statistics:

202 participants
157 still alive
71 undefeated at 5-0
86 with one loss at 4-1
56 deceased with two losses
41 losers on the cards week four
67 week four losers
15 week five losers
1 undefeated swami at 5-0
1 undefeated swami wife at 5-0
2 swami kids at 4-1

Week Six is around the corner, only one more week before the Rule ends and the Chargers can be selected once again. Only four more weeks before the Playoff Rules go into effect. If you do not know the Playoff Rules (and by rules I mean the actual logistics of the pool, not my own personal Swami rules) -- and these rules are vital so make sure you have them down. Basic strategy demands you do.

Nearly on third of the way there; to those who remain, well done. It is a success to have survived this long. Give yourself a hearty pat on the back -- nay, in honor of the double dose, give yourself two pats. Want someone else to pat your back for you? Well, the Reaper is happy to oblige.

Here endeth the Double Dose.

That is all.

The Root of the Week V

Much has been made in this space in recent weeks regarding the Swami's Rules for Survival. It is well known that to veer off course, to subject yourself to the chaos and devastation that inevitably follows when rules are not adhered to, is a poor way to spend a Sunday.

We will now swing the pendulum back the other direction, however, to analyze just when exactly the rules should be broken -- under what circumstances and what scenarios would the old saying "the exception proves the rule" be just that, the proper time and place for an exception. A timely question, indeed, given I myself will break a rule this week and take a road team to win.

First, the Unbreakable Rule -- there is no exception to picking against the Beloveds. You get the Hex, pure and simple. The next update will, in fact, have notations for all those entries who remain hexed, to help prove the point.

Second, the Chargers Rule -- I personally cannot remember if I have ever gone against this rule, the Chargers scare me mightily and have left so much devastation in their wake over the first third of seasons' past that it is impossible for me to put any sort of myself on them. Remember the Schottenheimer era, when the team would invariably sort 0-3 before winning 13 straight games then losing in the first round of playoffs pretty much every year? Devastation in their wake. Picking the Chargers is like a Hunger Games cornucopia: it looks so tempting, so enticing, until you get there. May the odds be ever in your favor.

Third, the multi-pick rule -- just good business. Why put every egg in the same basket. You can if you want to, there are exceptions here, but this is our "good strategy" rule, not specific to picking teams.

Which leaves the last two: don't pick a team playing within its own division and do not pick a team playing on the road. I'll be honest, it is near impossible to go an entire season without breaking one of these rules. You have to pick your spots, however.

Personally, I am very much against divisional match-ups; the teams know each other better than other teams in the league and divisional games are usually tough. Still, there are times where it might be beneficial, and exceptions can be made.

Occasionally it is acceptable to consider the idea of picking a team playing on the road, if certain other factoids speak in favor of the decision. Case in point: the Swami pick for this week is the New England Patriots to beat the Cleveland Browns. Cleveland has not looked awful in recent weeks, better than expected, and they are at home, so common logic and normal rule procedure would seem to preclude the notion of taking New England.

But ... Tom Brady is back. Tom Brady is pissed off. The Patriots got shut out at home last week. The Patriots are pissed off. Belichick rarely loses two games in a row. Belichick is pissed off. Pissed off Patriots tend to lead to big wins.

Hence, an exception can be made. Hence, the Swami rolls with the Patriots, as does the Factor and Darth Bennett. Mama Bear, having broken the rules one week too early, will look for Big Ben to chime out the victory call in Steeltown, USA.

A Double Update awaits you all on Tuesday. Best of luck on a safe trip through to Week Six.

That is all.

Thursday Taunt IV

To punt something is to delay in taking action. Also, it is something professional football coaches never fake, much to my own dismay. A good fake punt is worth it's weight in gold, and yet rarely is such a sight to be seen in today's NFL.

The blog this week features a photo of an Arizona Cardinal punting, because it is apt. First, I have punted the Update from this week into next week, a rare thing indeed; sometimes, however, it cannot be helped. I have punted it away and will look to rebound with a double dose next week. Second, one thing I do know without an official tally is that we lost a fair many people this past weekend (Week Four) who put their faith in birds, not rules, and lost.

But I digress. More words looking back will follow early next week. Until then, I will head back into my swamp where the work overwhelms like moss on the very trees. A special update next week with lots of interesting tidbits and info.

That is all.

The Root of the Week IV

Five minutes to kick-off, two games already completed with the Bengals besting the Beloveds on Thursday and the Jags horse-collaring the Colts across the pond. The masses are moving in many directions this week, too many to chart fully. Cardinals, Redskins, Texans, Vikings, Patriots, and others all get play this week.

And so the Swami Clan moves as well in four different directions this week, taking one apiece the Redskins, Vikings, Patriots, and Cardinals. I myself roll with Ze German's beloved Redskins, in honor of his selection of my own Beloveds last week. Hopefully it works out as well for me as it did for him.

Onward we merrily roll into Week Four.

That is all.