Saturday Taunt VIII

Like sands through the hourglass, so go the days of our lives. Like wheat at the blade of a scythe, so fall the stalks of the field. Like souls through the middle weeks of this season ... everyone prevails.

Apparently, the Reaper so dramatically hard those first three weeks, it's not a vacation, it's a sabbatical. No one lost in Week Eight - not one loser, not the one.

159 participants
10 players at 8-0
64 players at 7-1

87 deceased

Reminder: Week Nine is the last week you can select a team and still reuse them in the playoffs. Please make sure you brush up on the Playoff Rules because this becomes important at least every other year.

That is all.

The Root of the Week VIII

Put your Warpaint on, kids. The Swami Clan is breakin' rules. One of the strongly recommended Rules for Survival of the Swami Pool is:

# - Do Not Pick a Team Playing Against a Team in Their Division

Strange things happen in divisional games, talent be damned. Still, there are only two selections left before the Playoff Rules kick in, and if the Swami Clan does want to use them, they will need to do so this week ... and break the Swami's own divisional rule.

The Chiefs to Mahomes all over the Broncos at home on Sunday.

That is all.

Saturday Taunt VIII

The old yin and yang of the NFL season, once again proving that the coin has two sides. Chaos and destruction rained down upon the participants in the first few weeks, but now the scythe has gone quite calm. In point of fact, there were NO losers in Week Eight.

The Bengals, Saints, Vikings, and a couple others came through to carry everyone to victory, and to a fun conversation about Week Nine - which looms.

We will see if the update carries with it any news in days to come.

That is all.

The Root of the Week VIII

Rohan Bendre would be so proud.

A week of peace and calm followed three tumultuous weeks of chaos and strife; we are still sitting in single digit weeks and yet a full two-thirds of participants have already met the Reaper a second time, and the second time means likewise you meet your Maker.

We still have Week Eight and Week Nine to pick teams that are re-usable in the NFL playoffs - not that any pool veteran actually thinks we will get there at this rate. 2017 has all the makings of an exciting regular season finish.

But who to choose in Week Eight? 

Not even the Swami Clan is immune to pick error - the Lady of Avalor was too prone to Texans and has been eliminated upon spreadsheet review, leaving but four remaining. We shall divide our efforts this week to conquer the Reaper for a Saintly Tiger combination.

The Swami and the Spawn will ride the Brees this week and sing with the heavenly angels and Saints. Darth Bennett and the Factor will stalk and stripe their way into next week on the backs of the Bengal Tigers. Two by two, and that's how we roll in cover formation.

That is all.

Thursday Taunt VIII

This photo comes out once per year. Those of you who have been with us for a few years know what it means, and from whence it came. The Reaper returned to the Swami Pool this past weekend, or more accurately this past Monday night, to reap and reap and reap those many, many souls who put themselves on Viking ships to sail across the sea. They did not reach their destination.

We lost 34 to their second and final loss, most of whom were on the Vikings. The Vikings actually took 41 down with them, many previously undefeated participants. The ranks have thinned.

Weekend Statistics
202 participants
30 undefeated at 8-0, of which Swami is one
51 with one loss
121 deceased, which includes the whole rest of the Swami clan

Week Eight was hateful, indeed.

That is all.

The Root of the Week VIII

This is a difficult week. It is a difficult week, a dastardly week, laborious and burdensome and loathsome. It is an ugly, low down, dirty, knock-down, drag-out, all-around, and altogether ... dare I say it ... HATEFUL week. Fitting, given it is Week the Eighth. Tarantino has vision and the world wears bifocals, and though they be more often as not tinted red, 'tis a splendid vision, indeed.

And so it falls to you, the participants, to look down the list and pick the least of all evils. There is no choice comes not without risk. There are no locks this hateful week eight, there are no "gimme" games or "sure thing" selections. It is survive at all costs, sponsored by Jimmie Dimmick.

Let us discuss the matchups, one by one:

Jags @ Titans ... Completed already, not that anyone who has been a part of this pool for any length of time would ever pick the Titans to beat the Jags. This matchup several years back was cause for one of the greatest upsets in Swami Pool history; 70 participants took the Titans to win ... and they lost. 'Twas also a crowning Swami achievement. Would've also broken the division game rule.

Skins @ Bengals ... Logic dictates this to be one of the better matchups this week. No rules broken, one of the few this can be said about. And yet ... Skins have shown great flashes and sit 4-3, while the Bengals has shown the reverse and sit 3-4. No one would feel great about this one. Swami Sayeth: Bengals 27, Skins 23.

Jets @ Browns ... No one would take the 0-7 Browns to win, would they? No one would take the 2-5 Jets to win on the road, would they? Because Cleveland, maybe, but remember the Tribe is up 3-1. Swami Sayeth: Browns 20, Jets 19. Darth Bennett likes to live dangerously: Cleveland to win.

Seahawks @ Saints ... Is anyone willing to take the Seahawks traveling cross country on the road? Feel like picking against Brees against a banged up Seattle secondary? No broken rules, just broken dreams for the ones who elect to select this one. Swami Sayeth: Saints 27, Seahawks 16.

Cards @ Panthers ... Hope it doesn't come down to a field goal. Panthers are 1-5 and sputtering, but coming off a bye. The Cards have struggled, but still have weapons galore. Swami Sayeth: Cardinals 30, Panthers 20.

Pats @ Bills ... Rules, rules, rules. Bills cannot beat Patriots twice, can they? With Brady back and lighting things up? Pats are on the road against a team that is in their head. Good luck finding your way with this one. Swami Sayeth: Pats 34, Bills 23.

Raiders @ Bucs ... Meh. Swami Sayeth: Raiders 19, Bucs 17.

Chiefs @ Colts ... Reid's boys seem like the logical pick ... they are just on the road. Swami Says: Chiefs 24, Colts 23.

Lions @ Texans ... The best game no one will watch. Lots of scoring, I think, in this one. No one can really trust the Texans, can the Lions be trusted on the road? Swami Sayeth: Lions 33, Texans 19. If you've gotta pick a winner, make it a Lion, says the Factor.

Chargers @ Denver ... Breaks a divison rule and no one ever likes betting for or against the Chargers. Should be a game the Broncos win. Why, then, are my palms sweating? Swami Sayeth: Broncos 17, Chargers 16. The Swami himself takes the Broncos to win.

Packers @ Falcons ... Good luck with either of these teams. Have no idea what to expect so this one's a full shot in the dark. Swami Sayeth: Falcons 31, Packers 30.

Eagles @ Cowboys ... Division rivalry, two top teams, Dak vs Carson. Too many storylines, just one matters. Swami Sayeth: Boys 24, Eagles 20.

Vikings @ Bears ... Who wants to wait until Monday, really. Division game. Favored team on the road. So many rules to break, so little time. No one will actually pick the Bears, of course, but Vikings are a hard pill to swallow. Swami Sayeth Upset Special: Bears 23, Vikings 18.

Only the Swami remains undefeated; the Factor and Darth have one loss apiece, and Mama Bear lives no more. Once again, we roll Browns, Lions, and Broncos. When has that trifecta EVER hit on the same weekend? Good luck to everyone on this hateful, hateful week.

That is all.

Friday Taunt VIII

And so it was that 65 remained.

After a pair of weeks with some casualties but not massive destruction, only five brave souls remain unbeaten to lead a pack that counts 60 others. We enter Week Nine, which means for those who know the rules that this is the last week you can pick a team -- and be able to reuse them in the playoffs.

Week 08 Stats
189 participants
134 deceased
5 undefeated at 8-0
60 with one loss
65 terrified week in
65 petrified week out

The availability of teams that have shown a consistent ability to win is, at this point, likely quite exhausted. Good luck to those who must begin choosing 3-4 teams to succeed. We just want to say good luck, we're all counting on you.

Onward we merrily roll.

That is all.

The Root of the Week VIII

In looking at the emails this morning, it seems there was an issue with the Update Email this week. Apologies, apologies, I will send out an expedited update email this week so you all have information. If you did not receive this past week's email, let me know when you respond to this next one.

A season characterized by people moving in different directions sees another week of darts thrown on the football map. The Falcons, Rams, Cardinals, Texans, Chargers, and Panthers seem like the big plays of the week, with a small smattering of extras thrown in for good measure.

As for Darth Bennett, as he sits down to watch not football, but the latest episode of Rebels, he is feeling very jungle-ish, and seeks to ride the Bagheera wave into Week Nine. The black Panthers for the black Darth, and on we merrily roll.

That is all.

Tuesday Taunt VIII

Ladies and gentlemen, we have our Dirty Dozen.

'Twas a beating the masses took on Monday night, to the tune of 45 poor souls feeling the sharp end of the scythe. A third of those were previous unbeatens, dropping the number of those not yet burdened with loss to a meager 12. We have also crossed the 50 threshold, with 143 deceased participants. It behooves me to mention that I myself am still undefeated, as is one of my spawn. 

"As for the rest of the undefeateds, allow me to present the most twisted, anti-social bunch of psychopathic deformities I have ever run into. You've got one religious maniac, one malignant dwarf, two near-idiots ... and the rest I don't even want to think about."

Week Eight Statistics
192 participants
12 undefeated at 8-0
37 with one loss at 7-1
49 Week Eight losers
45 crushed by the Cowboys

Note: there is one week left (Week Nine) before the playoff rules kick in and any team selected thereafter cannot be used again this season, not even in the playoffs. So strategize wisely while there is still time to strategize; after Week Nine, the Suicide Pool is solely about survival.

That is all.

The Root of the Week VIII

As we near the Week 10 marker, when the season really gets real, when the noose tightens and the claws come out, it behooves to remind participants of how precious time really is. Once eliminated, 'tis another ten long months to the start of the Suicide Pool for 2015, when a fresh batch of hope springs eternal.

The crystal ball has proven worthy thus far and the Swami and his brood will look to improve upon their successes in Week Eight, along with the other 25 undefeateds. Most action seems to be coming in this fine weekend on the Cowboys of Dallas, breaking the rule of divisional rivals, with secondary action on the Beloveds to best the improving-but-still-hapless Kitties of Jacksonville.

The Swami has already utilized the Beloveds, of course, trusting their competency long before this point, likewise the spouse and offspring. The brood will, therefore, go in four different directions: the spouse on the Swashbucklers, the girl on the Browns, the boy putting his faith in Bootleg's heir and riding the Cowboys with the masses, and the Swami himself settling down for a round of vision-gathering with the shamans of the Chiefs.

Good luck to those who remain as a wave of nostalgia washes over in honor of those who have fallen. It serves as another stark reminder: like sands through the hourglass, so pass the weeks of the Suicide season.

That is all.

Friday Taunt VIII

This is what happens when everyone wins. Swami gets bored, Swami falls asleep, and you get no Taunt until Friday.

I hope you're happy with yourselves.

Not one person succumbed this week to the sharp of the scythe, and the Reaper is not happy. He is quite agitated, actually, and as such I fear for you all.

Now, logistics: this week, Week Nine, represents your last opportunity to select a team you will be able to reuse in the playoffs. Beginning next week, Week Ten, any team selected the rest of the year is burned up for good. This makes the Reaper very, very happy. He expects great and glorious chaos this week, what with Jacksonville on the Bye.

Week Eight Stats
160 participants
109 winners
0 losers

I have to go back to sleep now. All this participant winning is exhausting. Let's all come together and put a little life back into this thing in Week Nine; I've had quite enough self-entertainment, thank you very much.

That is all.

The Root of the Week VIII

The Detroit Lions of 2008 went the entire season without a single win, and they worked very hard to do so. Several games went down to the wire, three finished with spreads of four points or less, five inside a touchdown. More were closer than the score would suggest, with the Kittens giving up late touchdowns while hope remained to pad the score. They worked hard to lose games, snatching defeat from the jaws of victory on a regular basis.

Because they were competitive, the Suicide participant masses did not ride against them as much as one might suggest, particularly down the stretch. Their games were too close, their talent too . . . average . . . to be considered a loss surety.

None of these statements hold true for the Jacksonville Jaguars of 2013.

This team is terrible. Their average margin of loss sits just a hair under three touchdowns. They have been even remotely competitive in one --- count 'em, one --- game thus far, a 10 point loss to the juggernaut up north, the Oakland Raiders, with all of their own two wins. I see three winnable games remaining on their schedule, but who in their right mind would ever even think of picking the Jags to win.

The Rules are there for your safety, and the safety of others. But when the 49ers are coming into town and the Jaguars are the home team opponent, if there was ever a time to disregard the rules, this is it. The masses seem to agree with me.

Oh sure, there are other hot picks this week. The Saints are trendy, the Chiefs are also saddled up, and a smattering of picks have been spread around to the Broncos, Patriots, and Packers. But the 49ers are the big one for those who still have them available.

And why not? Jacksonville to lose has been the biggest bet game of the week in Weeks Three, Five, and Six, with many riding against them as well in Weeks Two, Four, and Seven. People actually picked the Raiders and Chargers to win---and survived. This more than anything tells you how bad Jacksonville truly is.

The Swami will tempt a little self-fate in Week Eight, and jump on the Jaguar dumping parade. I predicted 10 wins for the San Fran 49ers, even though they will miss the playoffs, and this is certainly one of them.

That is all.

*The above photo is accurate. The Jaguars did indeed select a punter five slots before Russell Wilson was selected in the third round of the 2012 NFL Draft. In the Jags defense, when you have Blaine Gabbert and Chad Henne as your quarterbacks, you need the best frickin' punter you can get your hands on.

The Root of the Week VIII

It seems that everybody is a Cheesehead this week. I have not taken an official survey, but the group has spoken, and anyone who has the Bay of Green left in the tank for Week Eight has tapped that reserve, and tapped it hard.

This includes the Spawn and the Factor, and for those uneducated few, or those for whom the Swami life and culture references fly far, far above, the Spawn and Factor are the offspring and mate of the Swami, respectively.

In other words, the Packers hold the fate of the masses in their hands, not to mention the Swami himself in the Second Life. I suppose there are worse hands to be in that those of Aaron Rodgers. At least, that's what Destiny Newton tells us.

That is all.