The Root of the Week VI

A double dose of teams for the Swami Clan on this fine Week Six, a double dose of teams and thus a double dose of images. There is no pick to feel good about, not ever, in this crazy 2018 season ... but I suppose if one was to feel good about anything, it would be (1) a backup quarterback for an otherwise extraordinarily medium team going into Rodgers-land (despite the gimp) and, therefore, highly unlikely to Lambeau Leap, and (2) a rookie-and-yes-plays-like-an-unseasoned-rookie-led team in the NFL going up against a highly competitive if somewhat up-and-down (are not they all) defensive-oriented squad from the great state of Texas.

Honestly, who knows. We just know it is unlikely -- not a given -- that both teams lose. The Reaper might scythe one or two, but the pack prevails.

Packers and Texans, FTMFW.

That is all.

The Root of the Week XIII

I am not quite sure if the image above is adorable or frightening, but for the purposes of this post, I will count it adorable as I say to myself, who can resist such an adorable face?

I cannot, and therefore I will roll with Lambeau in December and the rejuvenated arm of Aaron Rodgers. Packers for the win, says the Swami.

Picks are all over the board this week, we most certainly not emerge unscathed as a group. Saints, Broncos, Falcons, Cardinals, Steelers, Bengals, and Packers, and who knows who else.

A special shout out in this Week Thirteen to #13 himself, Mr. Marino, who always sees me through safely to the following week, provided I've made it this far in the first place.

Good luck to you all, and may the adorablest participant win.

That is all.

The Root of the Week I

It is said every season has a champion, every champion has a journey, and every journey has a beginning, and it just so happens that this season's Swami Blog journey begins from an unexpected place ... live from Lake Tahoe on Saturday Night.

Ladies and gentlemen, honored guests, colleagues, heroes, villains, compatriots, competitors, lovers, and friends, I bid you welcome once more to another great and glorious year of the Suicide Pool. Allow myself to introduce myself, your afore-mentioned host, the mischievous, oft-villainous, perhaps murderous, always iniquitous Swami Me.

For those who are new to the Pool, and who therefore have not been party to the word-smithery that comes standard in these parts -- enough hot poetic wax for a Fifty Shades sequel -- allow as well some small measure of introduction, and also erudition, that you might come to survive past the quarter-mark.

Yes, my friends, I will come now to tell of the Two Staples and Five Rules of the Swami Suicide Pool. Rules are made to be broken, 'tis true, and more rules than one cares to admit will be broken this weekend by many experienced veterans of the Pool, and still. Still you must know them, must lay your head on the pillow and remember them, must post them widely and reverently across all manner of media.

The Two Staples of the Suicide Pool are the Root of the Week and the Tuesday Taunt. In the former, the Swami lays down his own weekly pick in advance of Sunday play, as well as the trending popular selections (and while the NFL has dropped Roman Numerals, not so shall the Swami's Root). In the latter, he taunts all those who perished the weekend prior with a Tuesday (oft Thursday) blog post and group email. The Swami, you will come to know, loves chaos, and relishes it.

The Five Rules for making selections in the Suicide Pool are as follows: (1) Never pick a road team; (2) Never pick a team playing a team within its own division; (3) Never pick the Chargers prior to Week Six; (4) Never pick the same team with all five of your entries; and, most importantly, (5) Never pick against the Swami's orange and aqua Beloveds, lest you risk the Swami Hex. Know, and remember.

Week One of 2015 is a schizophrenic slate, a return to form after the heavy first-week favorites of last year. Following a Patriotic win on Thursday night, in which many participants were ushered to safety on the strong and fully-flated arm of Tom Brady, there are, simply stated, no easy match-ups. Rules will be broken. Nerves will be strained. The Reaper is already sharpening the scythe and September has not yet reached its solstice.

The masses have moved in too many directions to count: Cowboys, Bucs, Packers, Cardinals, Beloveds, Panthers, Bengals, Seahawks, Chargers, Vikings, Eagles, Browns, 49ers, Jets, and Raiders, and on and on it goes. Fully half the league has been selected.

It has taken some thought and some skill to find the proper choice this first week for the Swami himself. It would have been the Beloveds, but for a promise of honor to Ze German, who loves his politically incorrect Native American squad even though they be a particular brand of Barkley turrrible. Upon reflection, I remember the words of the brilliant Wadsworth, he of plots and intrigues with nary a Clue to be found, who reminds us all that while monkeys brains -- though popular in Cantonese cuisine -- are not often to be found in Washington DC, double negatives always lead to proof positive . . . and so in breaking a pair of his own rules, Swami will take such positive proof squarely into Week Two.

Packers, for the win.

And so, once more without further ado, with the first Root set and the Pool locked and loaded, I declare this season of the Swami Suicide Pool officially open.

That is all.

The Root of the Week II

There is cute. There is innocent. There is precious. There are those things, and then there is football, which is not cute, not innocent, not precious. Not even close. Nor will the action be such things come the morrow, when the masses place their collective faith in a multitude of teams ... which basically means not one has any clue what is happening. 

The Broncos? Many of you seem to think this is a quality pick. Let us not forget the Swami Rules for survival: #1 - Do not pick a team on the road. #2 - Do not pick a team playing in its own division. #3 - Do not pick the Chargers for or against before Week Six. And so I repeat, the Broncos? A heavy favorite, for sure, but in its own division means never a "for sure" lock.

The 49ers? The biggest facade in the League at present. A desperate Bears team with weapons to spare little resembles a hapless Boys squad held together by Romo and glue. The upset special of the week.

The assortment of single-takers, which include this week the Seahawks, Titans, Saints, Steelers, and (excitingly) even my Beloveds? A few of these bold against-the-grain-goers always get sliced off like fat from a prized steak.

Which leaves but one clear choice for greatness this Week Two of 2014, one clear choice for moving forward unscathed. The Swami shall take this choice, along with a good number of others, and ride the talented arm of Mister Rodgers and the whole of his neighborhood.

So it is written. So it shall be done.

That is all.

The Root of the Week VII

Those who are veterans of Suicide know and understand the Swami Rules for Success. One of those Rules involves the Chargers, as in:

#3 - Never pick for or against the Chargers in the first six weeks.

Well, here we are in Week Seven, and the masses are mobilizing once again on the sidelines opposite the helpless, hapless Jaguars. Which makes sense, except that this week's sideline belongs to the Chargers.

Fact: the Chargers have burned more participants in the Suicide Pool over the years than any other team. By wide margin. My own personal rule, therefore, is never pick the Chargers game.

Like, ever.

And so I will leave you all to your good luck, and roll merrily along and into Week Eight with the Packers of Green Bay. Other teams on the hot docket this week: Chiefs and Dolphins, and the occasional Patriots. Good luck to all. And now I'm off to my cheesehead.

That is all.

The Root of the Week VIII

It seems that everybody is a Cheesehead this week. I have not taken an official survey, but the group has spoken, and anyone who has the Bay of Green left in the tank for Week Eight has tapped that reserve, and tapped it hard.

This includes the Spawn and the Factor, and for those uneducated few, or those for whom the Swami life and culture references fly far, far above, the Spawn and Factor are the offspring and mate of the Swami, respectively.

In other words, the Packers hold the fate of the masses in their hands, not to mention the Swami himself in the Second Life. I suppose there are worse hands to be in that those of Aaron Rodgers. At least, that's what Destiny Newton tells us.

That is all.

The Root of the Week II

On January 09 of this very year, as the NFL season and Suicide Pool were winding down, 89% of remaining participants rode the arm of Drew Brees in the stone-cold lock pick of the week: the Saints versus the Seahawks.

89% of remaining participants lost.

On September 18 of this very year, as the NFL season and Suicide Pool are ramping up, the vast majority of the participants have elected to ride the arm of Ben Nomeansyesesberger (despite that team coming off a 28-point loss to a hated division rival) in the stone-cold lock pick of the week: the Steelers versus the Seahawks.

I'm not one to live in the past, however, just to prognosticate the future . . . which is why I'm staying as far away from Pittsburgh as Seattle wants you to stay away from their city (google it, you can't make this stuff up).

Yes, the Swami and Factor broke out our little fondue set for the weekend, as we cast our collective lot with the cheese. Clay is a hungry, hungry man; methinks some smoked Cam is on the menu.

That is all.

The Root of the Week II

With almost 80% of the picks in, there is unsurprisingly an overwhelming Suicide favorite in Week Two. The herd is moving together, it seems, and placing its collective faith in Lambeau. The Cowboys feature second with 12 participants riding their lonesome star at last count, with a smattering of picks on the Falcons, Eagles, Vikings, and, bravely once again, the Chargers of San Diego.

But the whale of the week is Green Bay, and with Suicide participants across the country putting their lives on the arm of Aaron Rodgers, it's possible the Buffalo Bills have never been this popular, not even back when they were losing Super Bowls with Susan Lucci-esque consistency.

The Swami dislikes the herd, preferring to move instead to his own particularly aimless beat. However, there is little disputing the safety of the green-and-gold in Week Two -- until you remember that they lost their home opener last season to the Cleveland Browns, also coincidentally in Week Two, which reminds that no pick, truly, is safe in Suicide.

Colts? Manning is as unlikely to start 0-2 as his brother is to start 2-0. Chargers? See Week One. Cowboys? Should win, but does anyone want to risk angering Ze German?

And so it comes down to this, the moment of truth, the final decision, and while it is unusual, while the aimless beat keeps moving in myriad other ways, even Swami has been known, at times, to follow the pack.

Pun intended.