Swami's NFL Pool 2018: Man of Wench

October 18, 2010

Doh Bears

Shunning the herd, I thought I'd be clever and take da Bears at home against Matt Hasselbeck and the Seahawks, who I thought were terrible on the road. Instead in a flash, I am out of the pool. Thanks Jay and the rest of the JV Bears (who unbelievably lead the NFC Norse still).

For you Mr. Cutler and our humble readers (however few you may be), I give you another Haiku . . .

Bears at home v. Hawks
No Brainer right you say, no?
Drunk Vandy Frat Boy

October 11, 2010

Ode to Norv

For all those dumb enough to role the dice with the Chargers this week (like me), I give you a Haiku:

Norv Turner you suck

One should never pick the Bolts

Stick a fork in me

September 22, 2010

Top Dog

Sad day in Eagle-land, fair readers. Andy Reid has announced that Michael Vick will be the Eagles starting QB for the remainder of the season. Many had questioned the wisdom of trading pro-bowl QB Donovan McNabb to a division rival. True McNabb is getting old, blew chuncks in the huddle during the biggest drive of his life and had perfected the art of throwing at his receivers feet, but given the influx of speedy wide-outs in Philly, it was still hoped that McNabb could finally take us to the promise land and actually win a Super Bowl. After the trade we even talked ourselves into the Kevin Corn-on-the-Kolb era in Philly. Kid has a strong arm and put up some big numbers last year in a couple of games, right? What could go wrong, perhaps we wouldn't go 13-3 but 10-6 and wildcard seemed okay.

The Michael Vick experiment seemed like an afterthought. Only played a handful of plays, didn't really have to support him last year. Plus, second chances are great, well, sort of. That is when you don't have to actually root for the guy getting the second chance every offensive down. Now we get to root for a dog-killer or, in the alternative, hope the defense scores every time somehow. I'm all for second chances, but it doesn't mean I want to be the one who has to support the guy. Selfish, perhaps, but now Sundays will be a little less fun. Then again, at least I'm not a Cowboys fan.

Fly, Eagles, Fly. I guess.

Introducing . . .

. . . Ze German, a frothy, filthy, unfiltered 'Skins-lover bringing you weekly rants from his tapestry-laden castle high upon the Zugspitze peak. There is wisdom and method to his madness, however, so pay attention -- just look out for the women and children.

. . . The Holy Light, and the best of us, a beacon of strength, dignity, and truth, and shining where there is darkness. As it was in Ezekiel, his word is his bond and his name is the law, and he shall strike down those who dare not listen when he doth speak.

. . . The Hooded Fiend, brilliant, diabolical, devious -- the smartest man you've never met, and will never have the chance. Locked away in the dungeons below a nondescript building, we only bring the Fiend out to post when the situation is most dire.

. . . El Doctor, the tall, dark, hunky, and handsome resident surgeon of Suicide. Women love his strong hands, men respect his keen mind, and Swami requires his wicked wit, but no one understands his almost unholy passion for autos and linen pants.

. . . Man of Wench, that staunch fan of all things Philly and a fine specimen of masculinity, bold enough to tie the knot with the feisty, infamous Wench. Whether at the grill or at the bar, with a healthy glass of vino in his hand he'll bill you by the hour for a taste of his good times.

. . . Master of Macabre, a delightfully sinful and sinister purveyor of doom and gloom, keeper of all things dark and deathly. It is unsure what horrifies more: his spectral air, his cadaverous crypt, his Machiavellian machinations, or his penchant for Princess and the Frog.

. . . Shapeshifter, he of the ever-changing ways, ever-shifting forms, and everlasting enthusiasm. Our newest commentator brings forth pomp, verbosity, and circumstance on scale to rival even the Swami himself. Shifty, yes, and subtle when necessary, his form is never out of fashion.