Tuesday Taunt VIII

Ladies and gentlemen, we have our Dirty Dozen.

'Twas a beating the masses took on Monday night, to the tune of 45 poor souls feeling the sharp end of the scythe. A third of those were previous unbeatens, dropping the number of those not yet burdened with loss to a meager 12. We have also crossed the 50 threshold, with 143 deceased participants. It behooves me to mention that I myself am still undefeated, as is one of my spawn. 

"As for the rest of the undefeateds, allow me to present the most twisted, anti-social bunch of psychopathic deformities I have ever run into. You've got one religious maniac, one malignant dwarf, two near-idiots ... and the rest I don't even want to think about."

Week Eight Statistics
192 participants
12 undefeated at 8-0
37 with one loss at 7-1
49 Week Eight losers
45 crushed by the Cowboys

Note: there is one week left (Week Nine) before the playoff rules kick in and any team selected thereafter cannot be used again this season, not even in the playoffs. So strategize wisely while there is still time to strategize; after Week Nine, the Suicide Pool is solely about survival.

That is all.

The Root of the Week VIII

As we near the Week 10 marker, when the season really gets real, when the noose tightens and the claws come out, it behooves to remind participants of how precious time really is. Once eliminated, 'tis another ten long months to the start of the Suicide Pool for 2015, when a fresh batch of hope springs eternal.

The crystal ball has proven worthy thus far and the Swami and his brood will look to improve upon their successes in Week Eight, along with the other 25 undefeateds. Most action seems to be coming in this fine weekend on the Cowboys of Dallas, breaking the rule of divisional rivals, with secondary action on the Beloveds to best the improving-but-still-hapless Kitties of Jacksonville.

The Swami has already utilized the Beloveds, of course, trusting their competency long before this point, likewise the spouse and offspring. The brood will, therefore, go in four different directions: the spouse on the Swashbucklers, the girl on the Browns, the boy putting his faith in Bootleg's heir and riding the Cowboys with the masses, and the Swami himself settling down for a round of vision-gathering with the shamans of the Chiefs.

Good luck to those who remain as a wave of nostalgia washes over in honor of those who have fallen. It serves as another stark reminder: like sands through the hourglass, so pass the weeks of the Suicide season.

That is all.

Thursday Taunt VII

Not so fast there, young fellas.

Every season there is one team that seems to emerge from the pack, not in terms of its dominance or its lack thereof, but for its combination of the two. The team that looks really, really good, but loses --- and in the process, takes a whole slew of Suicide Pool participants with them.

Well, my friends, most of you likely know the answer to this trivia question, having suffered anguish and defeat at their hands already . . . Seattle Seahawks, take a big bow. Notching another 26 losses last Sunday, the Seahawks have now accounted for more than one-third of all losses this year. 

Weekly Statistics
29 undefeated at 7-0
49 with one loss at 6-1
113 deceased
30 week seven losers
26 Seahawks losers

Less than 30 remain without blemish, including the Swami, Swami's spawn, and Swami's wife. Keep tabs of our picks as always on this blog, if only to try to jump on the coattails of our prognostication successes.

That is all.

The Root of the Week VII

The whole of the Swami brood is undefeated at present, a lovely and enjoyable place to be, and yet instead of rolling en masse on our picks as we have done through the first six weeks, we now will branch out on our own, seeking the elusive and majestic Trifecta win.

We begin with the Spawn, who have elected to ride the HOF arm of one Mr. Peyton Manning. The Broncos of Denver shall best the 49ers of San Francisco, whose pans will come up empty once again in Mile High.

We move next to the Factor, the beautiful spouse of Swami, who is miffed the Spawn has taken the Broncos, and instead will settle for the HOF arm of the horseshoe heir, Mr. Andrew Luck. The Colts of Indianapolis shall best the Bengals of Cincinnati, and continue the tiger tailspin.

Last, we move to the Swami himself, who always like a little Poe in his life. And so open here I fling the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter, in there steps a raven of the saintly days of yore. And this raven, never flitting, still with patient perch is sitting, on the gleaming statue of the Swami by the door. And his eyes have all the seeming of that Swami who is dreaming, of the spawn and wife who family mantle burdens bore. And this raven still beguiling all my fancy into smiling, on this night shall ease my plight, and yield a safely winning score.

That is all.

Friday Taunt VI

He has come.

The scythe was swift and brutal this week, slicing through 45 participants in a beautiful symphony of chaos and devastation. Seahawks at home? Done. Bengals at home? Deadlocked. The Falcons at home? Clipped. My internet at home? No chance. The Giants on the road? Well, that pick was not well mapped out, in all honesty.

The Reaper reared his head in the Sixth Week as we pass the one-third mark of this crazy, topsy-turvy, who-knows-what NFL season. The Swami knows, of course, which is why the Swami and his brood are all undefeated, along with 30+ others.

Week Six Statistics
36 undefeated
67 with one loss*
89 deceased
45 week six losers
22 knocked out for good

*There's that 67 number again. Hmmm.

Yes, for those wondering at home, a tie is a loss in Suicide play. We can thank the original tie monsters, McNabb's Eagles, for that lovely little rule, which toasted a 10-spot of tigers this past weekend.

Three weeks left before the playoff rules take effect (starting in Week 10), so know your strategy and execute it correctly. For those who do not know what I am talking about, I apologize to you for your ignorance. Sadly, it is likely incurable.

That is all.

The Root of the Week VI

Continuing with the trend of flying with the birds, the Swami moves a different direction than the masses this week. Most have elected to ride with heavy hitters Broncos, Bengals, and Seahawks, with the occasional crazy person on the Chargers, a couple risking the Swami Hex on the Packers, and a smattering of Lions, Pats, and even a Titans.

But the Swami, along with a handful of others, will fly high above the fray, winging our merry way along as we descend upon the desert and watch the Little Birds do battle with the Politically Incorrectskins.

Speaking of, in honor of Ze German whose froth waxes high in favor of the Skins, the Swami Suicide Blog presents a contest for those interested in making a quick buck or forty. The winner will receive one free entry into the Suicide Pool next year. Contest: Email me your best new name for the Redskins, should the government pressure prove too much to bear. For example, the Washington Redtapes. That's my personal favorite.

Winner and top choices will be published in a future blog posting. For now, enjoy Week Six of the National Football League. I am off to join the Little Birds in flight.

That is all.

Thursday Taunt V

Meow.

The sound emanating from Ford Field on Sunday last: meow. 'Twas the Cubs that were responsible for 16 losses in Week Five -- all losses but one, and that was a default pick/panic.

Week Five has been a tough week for the majority of participants in years past, but the majority emerged unscathed in 2014, riding the Packers, Saints, Eagles, Seahawks, Steelers, and a smattering of others to success and survival. Still the losses are piling up as the numbers hit approximated thirds: one third undefeated, one third with one loss, one third out.

Weekly Statistics
58 at 5-0
67 with one loss
67 deceased
17 losers in Week Five
10 scythed for good in Week Five

Onward we merrily go into Week the Sixth. For those still undefeated, the sound you hear is the sweet sound of success, like harpers from heaven tugging the heartstrings of joy. For those with one loss, the sound you hear is the scrrch of the noose tightening around your neck, or perhaps the sllllfftt of the reaper sharpening his scythe. For those deceased, the sound you hear is . . . 

That is all.

The Root of the Week V

In considering the dangers of this slate of Week Five games, two thoughts spring to mind: a remembrance and a realization. One remembers, first, that Week Five has a history of Suicide Pool devastation; some of the worst overall participant losses have occurred in the fifth week of the season. On the heels of that horrifying thought comes a second, and no less horrifying, a stark and brutal realization: a rule must be broken in Week Five.

Some elected to break early, as if Rules don't pertain to Thursdays, in taking the Packers against their division rival. Those brave souls survived their rule-breaking and have already earned admittance into Week Six.

Most others have taken the Saints, they of the confidence-inspiring 1-3 record, against their own division rival, the Bucs of Tampa Bay -- who finally have a little momentum and a quarterback who can throw the ball semi-well. To you I just want to say, good luck, we're all counting on you.

Still more have tried to adhere to the Rules, and thus placed their faith in the Broncos (against an undefeated Arizona team) or Eagles (against the hapless Rams, and the best pick although most have already utilized this team) or Lions (against the Buff Bills, who have at times been Mr. Universe size and at times been like a frosh/soph wrestler).

The Swami has taken his time this morning, not rushing to post the Root at 2am as in previous weeks, because the Swami has no need for rushing on this fine Sunday. I will be breaking a rule, yes, and there are some times when rules must be broken -- this is one of those times. My survival will travel cross country with the Hawks of Seattle, where the Politically Incorrectskins of Washington await. The former is better, the latter in turmoil . . . but this is Week Five and so no pick is safe.

Mine is just safer than most.

That is all.

Thursday Taunt IV

Half a league, half a league, half a league onward, into the Valley of Death rode those 31 souls who went with good old-fashioned American Steel ... and a few select others, as noted below.

Week Four Statistics
65 undefeated at 4-0
70 with one loss at 3-1
31 week four losses
57 deceased

Almost one third of the participants have twice tasted the bitterness of defeat, which leaves 135 still alive and kicking. Only 65 remain unscathed, including yours truly and the brood. Little else is left to be said on this fine Thursday, except for a letter addressed to one Monsieur Woody.

Dear Woody,

I regret to inform you of your Suicide Pool loss in Week Four. I expect, however, that this news does not come as a shock in any way, given that death was likely your overall intent. One does not select the Raiders to win in any week and expect to taste glory on the other side, much less pick the Raiders to win in a week in which they battle the Beloveds. I will not call down the Swami Hex, however; it is obvious you are working through issues of your own and cannot think clearly, lest you would have confined your selection to American shores. I wish you the best of luck in future weeks. Knowing you cannot pick the Raiders again certainly improves your overall chances, as there are literally 31 better choices at hand.

Sincerely Yours,

Swami

PS - That is all.