Tuesday Taunt XVI

143 participants
2 undefeated
9 with one loss
22 week 16 losers

Absolute bedlam.

Absolute, historic, glorious bedlam. I've seen chaos, I've seen carnage, but nothing compares to the destruction of this Week Sixteen. 79% of participants met their reaper, seventeen for the second and final time. You can cheat death once in our Suicide Pool, but the second time brings the swipe of the scythe.

To help put things in an unusual perspective, the losers selected the Eagles, Cowboys, Dolphins, Jaguars, Chargers, and Texans, while the winners chose the Chiefs, Bucs, and Rams. Repeat: the Chiefs, Bucs, and Rams. Let that little factoid stew for a while.

And so we enter the last week of the regular season with a pair of undefeateds, guaranteeing we will reach the playoffs for the third straight season. Eleven participants in total remain, the cream of the crop. Fewer than I expected, but still too many for my taste.

Mister Reaper, a little off the top in Week Seventeen, if you please.

That is all.

The Root of the Week XVI

It's a rare thing when I am afforded the opportunity to come on the blog, and in the process of posting my weekly Root, come to realize that a great many participants have already been ousted.

Thank you, Jay Feely.

I do find it a little sorrowful that such carnage comes on such a glorious day, and a very Merry Christmas to all of you; I hope your day, for those who perished, was not too tarnished. By the by, the level of Cowboys-wrought death is six, with two previously undefeateds -- including Ze German, and you may find irony therein to last several lifetimes.

For those who roll into Sunday with teams still to go, it seems the Eagles have picked up a number of rooters this week, which is strange given their expected eventual playoff success. Then we have a collection of Rams, Jags, Chiefs, and Chargers, plus one man alone on my beloveds this week (and an undefeated, no less). By the by, part two, at this point so late in the season, just to keep things wholly above board, it is worth noting that my wife is still in the pool (by the grace of some higher power) under the heading of The Factor, and her pick this week is the Texans on the road, to win. Good luck to her.

It seems we are carving the fat from our proverbial turkey in Week Sixteen. Will you be next?

That is all.

Merry Christmas To ALL

Except the six other undefeateds.....I hope you lose.

XOXO,

Ze German

Tuesday Taunt XV

143 participants
7 undefeated
21 with one loss
115 dead

'Tis the season for merry-making and joy, for good cheers and chuckles and roasting chesnuts, and while I have never actually met anyone who has eaten a roasted chestnut, it still sounds good even without Bing singing it.

And so on this most festive of weeks and coming weekends, I will refrain from my usual taunting, partly also due to the lack of losses last week, which was mildly disappointing. My hope for Week 15 is too much eggnog and celebration will yield forgotten picks, however unlikely. A man can dream, after all.

I will leave you with this last little tidbit, which is five quotes from a few of my favorite holiday films. Can you figure them out?

"Santa Claus does exist, and he exists in the form of Kris Kringle."

"We're kicking off our fun old fashioned family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols."

"This is Sussudio, a great, great song. A personal favorite."

"I've always had a thing for Santa Claus, in case you didn't notice. It's like a a deep-seeded childhood thing."

"Now I have a machine gun. Ho Ho Ho."

That is all.

The Root of the Week XV

In thinking of cliches to use for the Root in this, our Fifteenth Week, several came to mind: time to separate the men from the boys, really coming down to the wire, and this could be as interesting as two blind men having a conversation in sign language were the three that came most readily to mind.

The first two are rather boring, however, and the last was extremely difficult to find a suitable photo for, so I am going a different way. Allow me to lay it out on the table, people.

We find five horses in the race this week -- never knew a poker player yet didn't want to bet the pony -- and three are teams that have caused significant carnage over the past four years or so. We actually have people taking the Cowboys and Chargers in the same week, and expecting them to win, not to mention a gaggle on the Raiders. Bold, says I, very bold, much like gut-shot drawing the river with sure-fire trips in the other hand. Not so bold is staking your claim to my beloveds, who see heavy action for the third straight week, nor the dirty birds, who are working to wrap up NFC home field advantage. These are the surer bets, although the latter might be regretted come January.

Whip out that poker face, my friends; it's time to ante up.

That is all.

BUY MY UNDEFEATED SPOT!!

Ok, here's the deal...I watch a lot of college football. Now, I get to watch a lot of Pro Football thanks to this Pool. I have other pursuits that are begging of my Sunday time so again I will offer for sale my undefeated record through week 14 of the season. You will be in rare company - only 8 others remain unbeaten so a share of the top three $$ is likely. I will also offer my pick suggestion services each week if desired.

Please kindly contact the Swami with any offers. If not, then I guess I'll push thorugh and win the pool...

It's a balmy 70 degrees here in The Springs today...and time for a late lunch and Sangria at Tommy Bahamas...cheers

Tuesday Taunt XIV

143 participants

9 undefeated

20 with one loss

114 deceased

In the immortal words of Matt Damon, "How do ya like 'dem apples?"

There is a saying, a very old saying tucked away in the depths of Suicide lore, that warns participants "never to choose against the beloveds, for therein lies your doom." I mention it here, only because the Fish have been responsible for many losses this season, and while I tend to warn people about it, few take such warnings seriously.

In any event, we have whittled the field down to less than 30 participants, only nine of whom are undefeated. It is a small but illustrious group that remains, and much like Ed Harris and Harry Shearer, I keep asking myself, how will it end?

That is all.

The Root of the Week XIV

This is the week it happens, my friends. I can feel it. I can feel it coming like Phil Collins feels the brutal wind, like a yuppie feels an ivory watermark, like a Bruin feels undone.

Division. Rupture. Separation. A parting of the ways. The cream shall rise to the top this week, so sayeth the Swami.

It is coming, it is coming hard and fast, and it coming at the hands of the Falcons, Jets, or Jags, the trio representing the masses this week. Not all will survive, and I shall watch and laugh as my beloveds run rough-shod over the middling middle of the three, fresh off a Monday night beat-down.

My Fish drink your milkshake! They drink it up!

That is all.

Tuesday Taunt XIII

143 participants
13 undefeated
20 with one loss
110 dead

This is the Taunt, after all, so why not lead with the sort of taunting the city of Los Angeles expects in the wake of Rivalry Week. I would be negligent not to, I feel, given that were the situations reversed, I would certainly hear it in the pithy email comments. I shall not hit it too hard, however, more like a 10-year-old at tee-ball practice, though Lord knows I could Pujols it were I so inclined. Perhaps, I'll just let the foregoing stand for itself.

The Chargers strike again in the Suicide Pool, notching another four on their belt of death. Really, shouldn't we just all come together on this and say the Chargers stand apart, never to be selected? Haven't they caused enough carnage? Although, if we did so, it begs an additional question: how would anyone actually lose?

The noose tightens. The pressure mounts. The playoffs near. We roll on.

That is all.

Lights Out!

Most readers of this blog will remember today, Sunday, December 5th, 2010 as the day after USC kicked crap out of UCLA. Again. Others will remember it as the day "the lights went out". After an impressive run, an undefeated run, the Holy Light didn't pay his Edison bill and got shut down in 2 consecutive weeks. Words of encouragement to those still standing, be careful of picking teams that have QBs (above) who rock ladykiller haircuts like Chad Henne. That picture was taken last night. Thank you for crushing my hopes Coach Soprano.

The Root of the Week XIII

Once again, the Suicide Pool masses have moved in a million different directions. This is due to several factors, it seems, based on your pithy email comments, but most notably (1) lack of attractive options amongst likely non-playoff teams; and (2) boldness to separate oneself from the field.

Several participants are breathing easy heading into the weekend, having already secured their place in Week Fourteen with the Eagles on Thursday night, but the rest of the pack must weather the storm with selections like the Giants, Bears, Vikings, Rams, Chiefs, Chargers, and Seahawks, the first and final two of which seem to be the biggies.

Then there are those few who deserve special mention in taking my beloveds, who are sure to pick off Delhomme at least three times en route to a 26-17 win over Cleveland. Bless your little hearts, and good luck to you.

Lastly, it is worth mentioning that in 1793 the French executed their king for a chronic case of indecision. As most of you had a great deal of indecisiveness this week, I shall leave you with hopes that you, too, do not lose your head.

That is all.

Tuesday Taunt XII

========== >  John Kasay.

Not to beat a dead horse, but the man chips in from 42 out and the Suicide world is an entirely different world today.

As I said in the update, it has taken me some days to get over the disappointment of the Browns surviving a game that by all rights they should have lost, and with 32 of 40 on the game, it cuts me to the quick.

I will take some small measure of comfort in knowing you were all freaking out while watching the game; I know this for fact, as I was on the phone with one such Browns-taker during that final minute, and also have spoken to three others whose wives were less than pleased by their screaming during the game, then gallivanting after.

Laces out, Kasay.

That is all.

The Root of the Week XII

"Yes, it has come to this."

"Cleveland?!"

"Or rather, picking against the poor Carolina kitty kats."

"Browns. What the F am I doing?"

Not exactly what I would call ringing endorsements, but the simple fact of the matter is this: the vast majority of Suicide Pool participants are staking their lives on the arm of Jake Delhomme and a football franchise whose last meaningful win came when LBJ was in office. If you had told me Cleveland would be a hot pick at any point this season, I'd have had you committed.

Still, here we are, and while a handful of participants opted out in favor of Jets, Texans, Broncos, or Giants, the group as a collective will be taking the Browns to the Super Bowl this week.

As it were, of course.

That is all.

Tuesday Taunt XI

143 participants

18 players at 10-0

23 players with one loss

102 players dead

3 week eleven losers

Not much action this past weekend given the Texans snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, but as mentioned in the update email, in considering the results I recall the magical words of the immortal Vin Scully, he of the silver tongue and glorious anecdotes, in describing the Kirk Gibson '88 World Series home-run in the moments following the man crossing home plate, post-arm-pump:

"In a year that has been so improbable, the impossible has happened."

In Suicide Pool parlance, the impossible I reference is the winning in the same week of the Cowboys and Chargers, each of whom scored 35 points to beat an inferior opponent; more astounding even than that fact, however, is that the wins came with multiple participants riding the two teams, as well.

In related news, the devil just asked for a parka.

That is all.

The Root of the Week XI

indecision /in-deh-SIH-shun/ noun (1) reluctance or an inability to make up one's mind (2) doubt concerning two or more possible courses of action (3) the trait of irresolution, a lack of firmness of character or purpose (4) the state of being unsure of something.

Yes, my friends, these all apply to you; the first seven emails I received following the update email contained seven different selected teams.

Ravens. Bengals. Saints. Jets. Chargers. Steelers. Cowboys. Titans. Chiefs. Falcons. That's ten teams with more picks still to come, which means this week is positively schizophrenic.

And ballsy, too, it seems, what with the two biggest teams of the week, if there can be big teams with the action spread so thin, are the two indisputably most dangerous teams of 2010: the Bolts, lethally electric in all the wrong ways, and the Cowboys, laughably mired in what could be considered the worst season in the history of football.

I suppose, therefore, there is only one question left to ask: is your indecision final?

That is all.

Tuesday Taunt X

143 participants
18 undefeated
26 with one loss
99 dead

Yes, this is the Wednesday edition of the Tuesday Taunt. If you refer back to the rules and regulations, you'll note I reserve the right to occasionally stretch, when life and/or technology intervene.

As mentioned in the update email, more losses this week than expected (17) after the Bucs took down the woeful Panthers, who get my vote for worst team in the league. Moderate chaos -- at least, moderate by the standards of this season. Last year, I'd have been dancing a jig to get 17 participants dusted in just one weekend.

If you're wondering just what the picture of giant woman's waterfall horse hair has to do with football, the answer, of course, is absolutely nothing. 'Tis rare, but sometimes the well runs dry. As such, I google-imaged "great photo" and the top hit is presented for your view. I highly recommend the google image search function, as long as the Safe Search is strictly on. I like men as much as the next guy, but this is a family blog.

That is all.

The Root of the Week X

I would like to thank you all for your condolences and various well-wishes, considering the publicized accounts of my demise.

However, I must tell you that your friend here is only mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do. The degenerates among you will know what this is.

While I may not be riding off with you on four brilliant white stallions, while there is no chocolate-covered miracle pill to bring my participation back from the Pit of Despair, I do remain, mostly dead, slightly alive, to bring you the weekly postings of my eloquent self. Not even the throes of death shall keep me away, my loyal participants.

A little bit of business to attend to, given that we enter Week 10. It should be noted by all participants that we have crossed a significant boundary; any team selected this week or later in the regular season, all the way through Week 17, shall NOT be eligible for use in the playoffs should our Suicide season take us there. By playoffs, of course, I mean the actual NFL playoffs. Teams selected in Weeks One thru Nine will be eligible for re-use once we get to the playoffs, but not during the regular season.

The Bucs are the heavy favorites this week, followed by the Giants, Colts, and a handful of Texans. Who could have anticipated before the season began that a vast majority of the participants would be pinning their hopes on the Bucs in Week 10? Inconceivable! In any event, I shall root for you all this week, and wish you well.

Have fun storming the castle.

That is all.

Tuesday Taunt IX

143 participants

22 players at 9-0

35 players with one loss

86 players dead

The Swami is dead.

Long live the Swami.

That is all.

The Root of the Week IX

"You know, it's an ugly business doing one's duty . . . but just occasionally it's a real pleasure."

This, of course, is not one of those occasional times, not when I must put my life in the hands of a major divisional foe of my beloved Fish. It's hard enough being in the best division in football; rooting for the enemy makes it harder.

But root I shall, for Tom Brady and his hair and Bill Belichick and his hoodie, and for Wes Welker who took his talents from his original South Beach home. I am not alone in this; there are several participants riding the New England bandwagon.

As for the rest of the bunch, the group has gone off in more different directions than a pikey rabbit with hounds in pursuit. The Jets, Packers, Vikings, Falcons, Giants, Steelers, Saints, and Bears all have play to some degree or another, with the dirty birds seeming to have the most followers. It probably means no major losses this week, but virtually assures, with as nuts as this season has been thus far, that at least a few will fall.

This week marks a milestone of sorts, as we pass the playoff barrier; starting next week, as you'll recall, the teams you select are done for good for the season, with no reuse-ability in the post-season. Most of you know, but some of you do not, and not from a lack of trying on my part. Let's all come together on this, shall we?

That is all.

SWAMI BLOG EXCLUSIVE --- ASHTON'S TWEET OF THE WEEK

Hey Everyone!!!!! :) It's me Ashton, love swami's blog, REALLY love favre's weird looking junk, go hawkeyes!!!!! =3 ash........(ricky stanzi, we're down if you're down)

Tuesday Taunt VIII

143 participants
24 undefeated
42 with one loss
77 dead

I quote Bob Dylan, "Chaos is a friend of mine."

Apparently, and unfortunately, chaos is not as much a friend as I would like, as multiple Chiefs-lovers, recovering nicely from their anxiety attacks and overtime-induced stress headaches, will attest.

Twenty-two will do, however, and so we find ourselves with only Kiefer Sutherland left undefeated, or roughly 17% of the field. That, my faithful friends and participants, is remarkable.

I also suggest, as the calendar turns to November and we enter Week Nine, that you all remember that this is the final week before the playoff barrier, and if you do not know what that means, you have not been paying attention, and the chaos is soon coming for you, too.

That is all.

The Root of the Week VIII

I don't often drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Pacifico. So sayeth the Swami, arguably the most interesting man in the world, and so drinketh the Swami at the very moment of this posting.

My merry little band of drinking mates includes the Factor (pinot grigio), the Wench (two Peroni bottles and a dab of the pinot), and the Man of Wench (multiple Fire Rocks and a Peroni nightcap); 'tis a motley crew, but we are enjoying ourselves immensely. To all those enjoying their own bit of cocktailing on this Halloween eve, mind the Swami and the mothers of MADD, and be safe.

This week's root comes with so many reeling from a tough stretch of weeks, upsets and losses piling on top of upsets and losses. There will be few big upsets this week, not with the pool of teams so evenly dispersed: bad playing bad, good playing good, and the semi-disparities with favorites on the road, which means the participant masses are spreading themselves thin -- multiple selections on the Cowboys, Colts, Jets, Patriots, and Chiefs, plus an Oakland pick and a Redskins pick.

Which leaves the Swami.

Too many weeks this season have I caucused with the herd, too many weeks have I held close to the pack. It is time to strike out and seek new ground. It is time to be bold, and different, and a little bit wild. I will ride the arm of Sam Bradford into the Sunday sunset on the holiday of Halloween, and while scary, in the end the treat will be sweet.

That is all.

A Game of Inches: The Brett Favre Story

This whole Favre Penis thing is getting ridiculous. The FBI might be getting involved, Jenn won't talk to the NFL, Brett says he's kind of innocent. So, ridiculous it needs a movie. Swami Suicide Pool was all over this as a cast was assembled and shooting started last week. It's obviously a Romantic Comedy, a sports themed chick flick you could say. The buzz is already spreading. Seacrest wants us on next week. You saw the title above, but the tagline is "I'm Only Guilty of Voicemails, That Wasn't My Penis". I could give details, but for now, you'll just get the cast.

Brett Favre: Jay Cutler - only one man can match the turnover abilities of Favre.

Jenn Sterger: J-Woww. 2 reasons we're excited about getting J-Woww on board. I can't remember them right now.

Brad Childress, Jared Allen and Ryan Longwell - Gary from Bachelor Party, Tex Cobb, and Pee Wee Herman. Actually I think Gary from Bachelor Party actually is Brad Childress. Tex Cobb got the Jared Allen role because Jared Allen looks like the kind of guy who has told dudes to "take your pants off" on more than one occasion. I have no idea what Ryan Longwell looks like but I'd imagine he looks like Pee Wee Herman because most kickers do.

Randy Moss - Ol' Dirty Bastard. Dirtwasn't available to be on set so we're using CGI. If it blows up our budget, we're getting Webster, putting him on a stool and gluing black yarn to his head for the dirty corn row effect.

Roger Goodell - Roger Goodell. This guy's way too intense to get a stand in. The movie will end with him taking on 50 FBI agents by himself, bending guns with his hands and catching bullets with his teeth. Scary.

Brett Favre's Penis - Uncredited. It will be a mystery penis.

Get excited everyone. The Swami Blog will now show up under Google searches with the word "penis", so we will probably be getting a new audience soon.

Tuesday Taunt VII

143 participants
33 undefeated
46 with one loss
64 dead


Yes, someone has a case of the Mondays, and it's lasted until Tuesday afternoon. There are worse weekends to be had, football-wise, but as the Swami exists in a heightened state of consciousness and does not live in Dykstra or Rieber Halls, such circumstances are difficult to grasp.

Every rule has its exception, every rose has its thorn, and once in a very blue moon, every Swami sings a sad, sad song. And so it came to pass in Week Seven of Suicide in the year 2010, Oakland dropped near three-score points on the Broncos, and the first loss was obtained.

As I said in the email, there are two ways to lose in the Suicide Pool: (1) a blowout, where you whack yourself upside the head and lament your own poor decision-making; or (2) a nail-biter, where you whack your friend or spouse upside the head, as he/she/it is the living entity in most direct proximity, and thus, most deserving of the brunt of your rage.

At least I am content knowing I did not have to worry very long; it was 21-0 five minutes in.

That is all.

The Root of the Week VII

At this point last year, the numbers -- 45 undefeated, 42 with one loss -- were very close to where they reside this year, which sees 46 and 49. Of course, this year we had 35 more participants. The grand NFL experiment known as parity seems to be working, to the hair-pulling dismay of our glorious group.


What, not the Bronco you were expecting?

For those who kept the Saints or Ravens in their pocket, hoping to squeeze one or the other in before the playoff-reusability-barrier of Week Ten, this is the week you've been waiting for; those two teams are the biggest favorites. Sadly, or perhaps not so, the Swami has already used both, and must go a different way.

The Chiefs have moved into the limelight as a popular pick amongst the remaining masses, interspersed with a handful of Falcons, Patriots, Seahawks, etcetera, and one very ballsy Cowboy pick -- and this participant is so confident, he actually had to tell me twice.

There is another smaller, more illustrious group, however, which has elected to ride the pony. The Swami is a member of this hearty little band, perhaps not quite as flamboyant as the photo above illustrates, but hearty nonetheless. Here's hoping the silver and black goes a more garish powder blue upon leaving Mile High.

That is all.

Holy Light's Holy Sh*t! Of The Week

Will Sonny and Cher be at the Coliseum next weekend? I'll bet anyone in the pool Sonny won't be there. This explains why no one ever heard of "Chip Kelly" before 2 years ago. What do you get when you combine Chip+Kelly???? Exactly.....Chastity. Get on this Yahoo......

The New Logo of the NFL

It's like the Jerry West NBA logo, but better. Get used to it. Source: James Harrison.

Why all the spearing from Willis?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4SQdcYDI-Y
DeSean Jackson/ Dunta Robinson

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BbNe5Kv56k
Eric Legrand

Ok, I'm out of the garage from working on one of my motorized conveyances when I see CARNAGE from NFL week 6 and a PARALYZED college football D lineman from Rutgers. I really could care less about the "legal" hit arguement or fines for the players. The real problem here is defenders lowering their heads just before making the tackle. It's poor form and they're just asking for a serious neck injury....ask me how I know? Yep - El Doctor has one of those neck injuries and will have it for the rest of his life because I did the same thing.

(climbing off of my soapbox)

In other news...my undeafeated spot is now up for sale. Feel free to look at the teams I have picked...not all top teams...some of us can win picking the 49ers. The potential buyer will have plenty of telented teams to pick from for the remainder of the season. If the spot does not sell this week, I will keep making winning picks until it does and the price will rise with each passing week. Contact the Swami with any offers.

Let the bidding begin.

Now to find my linen pants...

Dr.
(already edited once by the draconian Swami...let's see if this one gets through)

Swami says: "Won't have to edit if El Doctor doesn't Bowfinger his next post. That is all."

Tuesday Taunt VI

143 participants
46 undefeated
49 with one loss
48 dead
12 week six losers


Yes, you clever little participant you, this Taunt comes on a Wednesday. Thank you for noticing; tough for the Swami to put anything past you.

More carnage than expected came this week, what with the Root and the masses dumping the Browns on the back of Big Ben. The Bears knocked around nine while the Chargers took down three more inexplicable selectors. Only 95 remain of the 143 who began.

That is all.

NFL Obituary - Week Sechs

I close my eyes
Only for a moment,
then the momen't gone
All my dreams
Pass before my eyes,
a curiosity
Dust in the wind
All they are is dust in the wind
- Kansas


Ladies and Gentlemen, we have come to the crossroads of the season where it now becomes possible, and dare I say prudent, to make a judgement call on certain obvious storylines that still have yet to play themselves out, but for all intensive purposes are finished. Here, I will finally put to bed some of the lingering blemishes that seem to continue to raise their ugly head once and for all.

1) RIP Bills, Panthers, Lions, and Browns.

- I present to you the top 4 picks in the 2011 Draft, and the four teams that you should always pick against when given the oppotunity for the rest of the year. In a QB driven league you have two teams that are starting QBs that wouldn't even make it onto the other 30 teams' practice squads, and two teams that are starting rookies that no team thought was worthy of a first round pick. They've given up on themselves, so you should to. Like lambs to slaughter.....

2) RIP Wade Phillips and Norval Turner.

- You both suck so hard that not even Dyson could increase your sucktitude. God, I hate both your faces so much.

3) RIP Legacy of first ballot HOF players....Brett "Crotch Shots" Favre and Junior "I 'accidentally' drove myself off a 100 foot cliff, after being arrested for beating my 25 year old girlfriend" Seau

- Depending on how big these stories get, which I admit remains to be seen, their obituaries could read a similar way to how OJ's and Vick's will, ie. He played football, paragraph on transgression, the end. So sad.

4) RIP Jerry Jones and all semi-coherent Cowboy's fans hope

- countless weeks in a row having to pre-emptively say that he wasn't going to fire the Son of Bum mid-season, and now this, "Asked if he was concerned that his veteran quarterback would make such a crucial mistake, Jones showed his support in his own unique way. 'We don't have a replacement for Tony,' he said".......Delicious.

5) RIP Severe Head Injuries.....I hope

- Not sure if I like what the league thinks is the solution to this problem, but I think we all can agree that the amount of head injuries this year IS a problem. Players are faster and stronger than they have ever been, and head to head shots for some reason aren't getting flagged. It needs to start happening....NOW.

And now....Ze German's motivational poster of the week.....

Doh Bears

Shunning the herd, I thought I'd be clever and take da Bears at home against Matt Hasselbeck and the Seahawks, who I thought were terrible on the road. Instead in a flash, I am out of the pool. Thanks Jay and the rest of the JV Bears (who unbelievably lead the NFC Norse still).

For you Mr. Cutler and our humble readers (however few you may be), I give you another Haiku . . .

Bears at home v. Hawks
No Brainer right you say, no?
Drunk Vandy Frat Boy

The Root of the Week VI

One week after a vicious blood-letting, everyone scrambles to play it safe. The Curtain is the beneficiary, of course, hosting the lowly Browns in a matchup featuring the return of Big Ben and the first start for rookie QB Colt McCoy. I suppose the photo for the Week 04 Taunt would've been applicable, as well, therefore. No official tally, but the vast majority rides the 'Burgh.

Swami likes Steel City, too, this week, yet another moment of herd mentality for one oft herd-averse. Most of the rest are on the New York Football Giants, with a smattering of Bears, Colts, etc. With so many rooting for Big Ben to succeed this week, thereby in some small measure facilitating his image rehabilitation, it makes me wonder if we're all bad people.

That is all.

Ode to Norv

For all those dumb enough to role the dice with the Chargers this week (like me), I give you a Haiku:

Norv Turner you suck

One should never pick the Bolts

Stick a fork in me

A Case of the Mondays V

"It's a cruel and random world, but the chaos is all so beautiful."

So says the alchemist Arakawa, crystallizing perhaps better than anyone outside the Swami what the Suicide Pool is, and was, and will be, although never more so than this past weekend, this most binary of Sundays, when history was made.


One need look no further than the image above to understand how devastating Week Five was, how much carnage was wrought by the Bengals and Saints and Chargers and Cowboys and Rams and Texans and Packers, and how beautiful the chaos truly was.

It was the single most death-laden week in Suicide pool history: 29 participants exited stage left with their second loss, never to return, while 32 others felt the sting of that first awful bite. For those keeping track, 47% of the active group of participants went down to defeat. The update coming on the morrow will expound upon these numbers and provide the snap-shot statistics, but for now it is enough to say that we are unlikely to see a week such as this for a long, long time.

Epic, truly epic.

That is all.

The Root of the Week V

It's a foursome, one week removed from an excellent opportunity for pun. I liken the big picks this week as follows: Indy is Ty Webb, usually unflappable; the Bengals are Al Czervik, just because of the pants; the Ravens are Dr. Beeper, looking for the playoffs three years running; and the Chargers are the Judge, always good for a slice.

Also, a smattering of picks on the Cowboys, Packers, and Saints, and even a trio of very bold Jags and Rams selections. I enjoy those who are bold, almost as much as I enjoy chaos. As for the Week Five Swami selection, I have this to say: Be the Ball.

Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah.

That is all.

Fiend's Five Under Fire

A weekly look at five coaches feeling the heat

1.Mike Singletary, San Francisco 49ers

While Singletary is on the hottest of hot seats, the Fiend is starting to wonder if the Niners offensive problems start with QB Alex Smith. New offensive coordinator every year, same result. The 49ers aren't as bad as their 0-4 record shows and should beat a Vick-less Eagles team at home on Sunday night.

2.Brad Childress, Minnesota Vikings

The biggest jump this week belongs to Brad Childress coming off a Week 4 bye. Why? Two reasons. A small distraction involving Brett Favre and the addition of Randy Moss. When the Vikings fail to produce offensively, the blame goes to Chilly rather than Favre and Moss.

3.Norv Turner, San Diego Chargers

Norv holds his spot at #3 despite the blowout win over Arizona. A big win means a big letdown the next week for a Norv-coached team, so expect a disaster in the Black Hole on Sunday.

4.Marvin Lewis, Cincinnati Bengals

Although Lewis is in no danger of being fired at this point, it's going to take a big turnaround in a tough division for him to remain the coach of the Bengals past this season. Losing to Cleveland will earn any coach a spot in the top five.

5.Chan Gailey, Buffalo Bills

The Bills are looking like they will be in great position to pick between Andrew Luck, Jake Locker or Ryan Mallett next spring. The Trent-ative Edwards experiment failed miserably and Ryan Fitzpatrick is now starting in Buffalo. Not exactly Jim Kelly or even Frank Reich. Not even Alex Van Pelt for that matter.

Waiting on deck....

Jack Del Rio, Jacksonville Jaguars

Wade Phillips, Dallas Cowboys

Tom Cable, Oakland Raiders

Tuesday Taunt 04

Weekly Statistics

143 participants
85 undefeated at 4-0
46 with one loss
12 dead
11 week four losers



For those wondering, this is a picture of a colt being broken. You'll have to figure some of these out on your own, folks.

That is all.

The Root of the Week IV

"Look, kids, Big Ben, House of Parliament."

Week Four has the Suicide Pool spinning, it seems, with multiple teams being tabbed for Sunday glory. After a slow and silent third outing, our fourth looks to be quite the mayhem-maker.

The Saints, Packers, and Chargers (really?) seem to be the squads most favored by our participants, although there are quite a few nods to the Falcons, Colts, and Jets, and even a handful of Texans, Bengals, and who knows who else. Will all these teams earn the elusive NFL "W"? I think not, and I think it glorious.

For those keeping track of our weekly Root, in which space the Swami has posted his pick each week with various forms of word-smithery, I shall be clear with my selection this week, for those who appreciate not exceptional prose and poetry.

There is a Brees stirring the Swami this week. Saints by 17.

That is all.

Fiend's Five Under Fire

A weekly look at five coaches feeling the heat

1. Jack Del Rio, Jacksonville Jaguars

Standing 1-2 after the first 3 weeks, the pressure is building in J-Ville for the NFL's king of leather jackets. After the upcoming loss to Indianapolis, Del Rio will be the driver of the bus that QB David Garrard is thrown under and will secure his job for another few weeks. Then, predictably, ESPN's "sources" can start the Urban Meyer to Jacksonville rumors.

2. Mike Singletary, San Francisco 49ers

The end of the line is near when you fire your hand picked offensive coordinator, Jimmy Raye. Anyone else think this offense would look pretty good right now if Singletary didn't immediately axe Mike Martz last year? Always a good idea to make sure your OC can get a play down to the QB within 45 seconds too...

3. Norv Turner, San Diego Chargers

Nuff said.

4. John Fox, Carolina Panthers

Gone are the days of the stout Carolina defenses that carried Fox deep into the playoffs in 2003 and 2005. An 0-4 start looks certain as a trip to NFC South rival New Orleans awaits in Week Four. Aside from job security, Fox has to worry about Jimmy "4 Heismans" Clausen getting Steve Smith killed over the middle. On the flipside, Steve Smith might just kill Jimmy Clausen for hanging him out to dry over the middle.

5. Tom Cable, Oakland Raiders

The Jawbreaker, as he is known, is probably still coaching in the NFL only because he is Al Davis' type of coach. A highly unsuccessful head coach at all levels (11-35 record at WAC powerhouse Idaho) with a history of violence, Cable is a perfect fit for the Commitment to Excrement. A change will come mid-season and Davis will likely hire longtime favorite Paul Hackett. Oh the horror.

Waiting on deck....

Eric Mangini, Cleveland Browns

Brad Childress, Minnesota Vikings

Wade Phillips, Dallas Cowboys