Fiend's Five Under Fire

A weekly look at five coaches feeling the heat

1. Jack Del Rio, Jacksonville Jaguars

Standing 1-2 after the first 3 weeks, the pressure is building in J-Ville for the NFL's king of leather jackets. After the upcoming loss to Indianapolis, Del Rio will be the driver of the bus that QB David Garrard is thrown under and will secure his job for another few weeks. Then, predictably, ESPN's "sources" can start the Urban Meyer to Jacksonville rumors.

2. Mike Singletary, San Francisco 49ers

The end of the line is near when you fire your hand picked offensive coordinator, Jimmy Raye. Anyone else think this offense would look pretty good right now if Singletary didn't immediately axe Mike Martz last year? Always a good idea to make sure your OC can get a play down to the QB within 45 seconds too...

3. Norv Turner, San Diego Chargers

Nuff said.

4. John Fox, Carolina Panthers

Gone are the days of the stout Carolina defenses that carried Fox deep into the playoffs in 2003 and 2005. An 0-4 start looks certain as a trip to NFC South rival New Orleans awaits in Week Four. Aside from job security, Fox has to worry about Jimmy "4 Heismans" Clausen getting Steve Smith killed over the middle. On the flipside, Steve Smith might just kill Jimmy Clausen for hanging him out to dry over the middle.

5. Tom Cable, Oakland Raiders

The Jawbreaker, as he is known, is probably still coaching in the NFL only because he is Al Davis' type of coach. A highly unsuccessful head coach at all levels (11-35 record at WAC powerhouse Idaho) with a history of violence, Cable is a perfect fit for the Commitment to Excrement. A change will come mid-season and Davis will likely hire longtime favorite Paul Hackett. Oh the horror.

Waiting on deck....

Eric Mangini, Cleveland Browns

Brad Childress, Minnesota Vikings

Wade Phillips, Dallas Cowboys

Tuesday Taunt 03

143 participants
94 undefeateds
40 with one loss
9 participants dead
5 week three losers




Nothing much to say for Week Three, not when 130 of 135 emerge from the Sunday scuffle unscathed. Those who've followed the Suicide Pool for some years know how much we enjoy our chaos and carnage, which is why we've called in Jobu to voodoo up the place. I told him you stole his rum, and nobody steals Jobu's rum.

"Is very bad."

That is all.

The Root of the Week III

As Richard Jeni would say, the sports world is always looking for the Bigger, Better Deal. One such BBD craze, the latest to cycle 'round again despite its long history, is that of the Big Three, which is to say the stockpiling of superstars and the labeling of them as surefire winners. What began long ago in that wonderfully colored medium of the illustrated page has practically overtaken the basketball world; we saw it in Boston with Garnett, Pierce, and Allen in '08 and we saw it last summer in Miami with the King, D-Wade, and that other guy.

Suicide 2010 is no different, it seems, and fitting it is that in Week Three of our season, we find our steadfast participants dialing up their own version of a Big Three in Baltimore, New England, and Minnesota. Everyone and their mother is on one of these teams, truly -- my own mother emailed me her pick and she's on the Pats. Rasmussen currently estimates the Big Three will probably top 95% of the participant picks when all is said and done. Sure, we've got a smattering of Bengals, Eagles, Redskins, 49ers, and even a very bold Bears-lover, but these are few and far between.

There is no herd this week; there are three smaller spheres, and a great deal of overlap therein. Suicide is survival, however, and while I think anyone riding the Viking ship is destined for the halls of Valhalla, the Pats and Birds are both safe picks, and safety is the name of the game in the early going.

And so open here I fling the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter, in there steps a stately raven of the saintly days of yore, and this raven still beguiling all my fancy into smiling, on the morrow shall ease my sorrow, and take me straight into Week Four.

That is all.

Top Dog

Sad day in Eagle-land, fair readers. Andy Reid has announced that Michael Vick will be the Eagles starting QB for the remainder of the season. Many had questioned the wisdom of trading pro-bowl QB Donovan McNabb to a division rival. True McNabb is getting old, blew chuncks in the huddle during the biggest drive of his life and had perfected the art of throwing at his receivers feet, but given the influx of speedy wide-outs in Philly, it was still hoped that McNabb could finally take us to the promise land and actually win a Super Bowl. After the trade we even talked ourselves into the Kevin Corn-on-the-Kolb era in Philly. Kid has a strong arm and put up some big numbers last year in a couple of games, right? What could go wrong, perhaps we wouldn't go 13-3 but 10-6 and wildcard seemed okay.

The Michael Vick experiment seemed like an afterthought. Only played a handful of plays, didn't really have to support him last year. Plus, second chances are great, well, sort of. That is when you don't have to actually root for the guy getting the second chance every offensive down. Now we get to root for a dog-killer or, in the alternative, hope the defense scores every time somehow. I'm all for second chances, but it doesn't mean I want to be the one who has to support the guy. Selfish, perhaps, but now Sundays will be a little less fun. Then again, at least I'm not a Cowboys fan.

Fly, Eagles, Fly. I guess.

A fool and his money are soon parted....

Even the Son of Bum thinks you're all morons

My my my, it has come to my attention that either people are still brain damaged from only watching baseball for 3 solid months (probable) or just choose to not waste their time reading the blog (most likely). How 12 relatively evolved individuals could pick the Cowboys is beyond me, especially after watching their week 1 performance. This is a team where the only thing you can count on is that you can't count on them. They will find a way to blow it. They've done it for a decade and a half.

I've gone over this ad infinitum, so I'll sum it up by saying that the Swami, myself and the other 91 who are still in contention would like to thank you for your donations,......and you suck.

A Case of the Mondays II

"I'm sorry, but there has got to be some law."

As worthless as Jason Priestley was in Tombstone, the Cowboys of this Suicide season -- not the Cowboys of the classic film -- are worth even less. I am sure Ze German will wax his philosophic froth on the subject in coming days, but for now, our big participant killers in Week Two, accounting for almost 60% of the losses, were the Romo-led men of the Big D.

Quick Week Two Stats

91 undefeated at 2-0
35 with one loss
27 week two losers
8 dead at 0-2
5 undefeateds on the Saints
2 with one loss on the Saints
2 undefeateds on the 49ers by default*
2 late entries brings total to 143

The full update with pick history attached will come tomorrow. As always, check the blog for the quickest updates, and feel free to get involved and comment below the posts.

That is all.

*might change if they get me their pick in time

The Root of the Week II

With almost 80% of the picks in, there is unsurprisingly an overwhelming Suicide favorite in Week Two. The herd is moving together, it seems, and placing its collective faith in Lambeau. The Cowboys feature second with 12 participants riding their lonesome star at last count, with a smattering of picks on the Falcons, Eagles, Vikings, and, bravely once again, the Chargers of San Diego.

But the whale of the week is Green Bay, and with Suicide participants across the country putting their lives on the arm of Aaron Rodgers, it's possible the Buffalo Bills have never been this popular, not even back when they were losing Super Bowls with Susan Lucci-esque consistency.

The Swami dislikes the herd, preferring to move instead to his own particularly aimless beat. However, there is little disputing the safety of the green-and-gold in Week Two -- until you remember that they lost their home opener last season to the Cleveland Browns, also coincidentally in Week Two, which reminds that no pick, truly, is safe in Suicide.

Colts? Manning is as unlikely to start 0-2 as his brother is to start 2-0. Chargers? See Week One. Cowboys? Should win, but does anyone want to risk angering Ze German?

And so it comes down to this, the moment of truth, the final decision, and while it is unusual, while the aimless beat keeps moving in myriad other ways, even Swami has been known, at times, to follow the pack.

Pun intended.

Dream Killers

As Swami predicted on Monday afternoon, the Chargers solidified their reputation as Suicide Pool dream killers once again. Nearly all participants, at one point or another, have put their trust in Norv Turner to lead the Bolts to victory over a heavy underdog at home or on the road. As a result, their hopes of taking home Suicide Pool gold become long shots and in some cases, are sent packing until 2011.

While it's unfair to say Norv got outcoached by KC's trio of Haley, Crennel and Pear Bryant, you have to believe it comes down to game preparation. Good coaches in the NFL don't lose games like this or any of the others Norv has blown the last three years. Marty Schottenheimer doesn't lose this game to a bad KC squad. Other than solid special teams play, there is no reason to believe the Chiefs will win more than a handful of games this year. Luckily, they play in the same division as the Raiders.

The Chargers will still win the NFL's weakest division by a few games and will continue to be a popular Suicide Pool pick throughout the year. Best of luck to those who like to live dangerously...

Week One Final Results

"Woe to those who heed not the bell of history."

I have now officially amended my rules for surviving the Suicide Pool to read as follows: (1) do not pick teams on the road (2) do not pick teams playing in their own division (3) do not pick the San Diego Chargers before Week Six. Another year, and yet with all the change that accompanies each season, one thing remains the same: Charger carnage. I tried to warn them. I tried. But those 12 whose first lives ended in the rain and mud of Kansas City did not heed the warning bell of history. You stay classy, San Diego.

Week One Results

143 participants

117 participants undefeated

26 participants with one loss

That is all.

Week 1 Lowlights

This guy's back in the saddle for Philly...sorry to anyone who gambled and took Kevin Kolb as their Fantasy QB...

See Bears coach Lovie Smith try to get in the endzone in the 4th quarter 1) at home 2) against the Lions 3) who were using junior-high-caliber QB Shaun Hill (after Stafford's shoulder injury) instead of kicking the potential game winning field goal? Needless to say, Matt Forte got stuffed 3 times and the Lions had a dramatic game winning TD to Calvin Johnson...or not...

Pete Carroll got a big win in his Seattle Seahawks debut . . . about 12 hours after USC survived Virginia at home, 17-14. Don't get to excited about the Seahawks though, Pete always wins early. Too bad the NFL doesn't have a team in Oregon, or that would be a lock in the Suicide Pool.

With Carolina QB Matt Moore turning the ball over 5 times and getting a concussion, Jimmy Clausen's up next. Can't wait to see him try to tell Steve Smith how he should run his routes like he did with his Notre Dame WRs.

More later......

You're Welcome, America . . .

Hello Burger King, my name is Alex Barron . . . yes, I can hold.

If you noticed something different about today, it's that the natural order of things in the world has been restored once again. Every year, right around the beginning of spring, an ominous event happens; that event is the mass brainwashing of arguably rational and intelligent human beings all across this great country of ours. During this period, the Jerry Jones/ESPN PR machine gets throttled up into top gear and launched off into the ****-washing stratosphere known as the Dallas Cowboys Super Bowl bandwagon.

Somehow everyone suddenly gets hammered by propaganda into forgetting that they don't have an offensive line, they don't have a good secondary, that all three of their running backs add up to average, that 2/3 of their receiving core are head cases, their QB is a total choke artist, that they have only won one playoff game ONE!!! since 1996, and they still have a coaching staff that seems to be more focused on their audition for a Life Goes On remake, then for actual game management. I mean even the pre-game guys on NBC, Tony Dungy and Rodney Harrison who have won Super Bowls, picked the Cowboys to win it all and said it was a lock. The sad part is that sometimes this brain condition can last right up until the playoffs. Luckily, the valiant Washington Redskins were able to carve out the diseased part of each mouth-breather Cowboy "fan's" brain with a spoon (because it hurts more) in Week 1, putting an end to all this ridiculousness.......for now.

God Bless the Washington Redskins, and here's to the rest of the league to continue to carry out the Lord's work of saving these poor lost souls. 0-16 bitches!

Fat white T.O. approves this post . . .

. . . and the Battle Begins

“They pull a knife, you pull a gun. They put one of yours in the hospital, you put one of theirs in the morgue. That’s the Chicago way.”

So sayeth Malone, although he forgot to mention that, apparently, the Chicago way is also getting blessed by an official review ruling (either botched or bootleg, relative to perspective) on opening weekend, thus saving the lives of twenty-four pool participants. Continuing a pair of disconcerting trends from the last two seasons (1) a large group is fortuitously saved in the final seconds and (2) the Lions lose.

But I digress.

Suicide 2010 has kicked off and the results are in, excepting those twelve brave souls who elected to ride the Chargers to glory on Monday night. Brave, as these few have not heeded the warning words of history; the Bolts have been responsible for many a Suicide loss in recent years, particularly in the early weeks of a season. This, of course, without even considering their abysmal record of late on the road in Kansas City.

14 participants met their match this weekend, thanks to the 49ers, Browns, Falcons, Colts, and Cowboys. That’s 10% of the field, for those counting at home. Not exactly a bloodbath, but a decent start to the season. There are 143 entries signed up with just over 100 people pulling their strings, which is a 30% increase over last year.

The popular pick was the Titans, and with good reason, it seems, as 40 participants celebrated them running roughshod over the Raiders. It should be noted that Titans running back Chris Johnson broke a 60+ yard touchdown run in the game, leaving a trail of blackened silver in his wake; ironic, as Al Davis only drafts for speed.

And so, too, are we off and running, with only the wide open span of the NFL season before us. Each week will bring a direct-to-your-email update with each participant’s pick history, but consider this blog the mouthpiece of our pool: you can look here for the quickest updates, leave comments in the comments sections of the posts, and find each week the schedule for the coming weekend games, as well as some special other little tidbits over the course of the year. This is the inaugural year for the blog, and it should be fun.

That is all.

On the Eve of Battle . . .

As I meditate and contemplate both the start of another glorious season of professional football and, victorious Saints and vanquished Vikings notwithstanding, the opening of our eighth annual Suicide Pool, I am struck by several interesting points about the Week One selections by the our garrulous group of 2010 participants.

More than 90% of the picks are in, including the Swami, and this ridiculously difficult first week has sent the Suicide world into a tizzy: 17 different teams are represented, 39 participants have picked on the road, no team garnered more than 24% of the vote, and two contests, the Colts at Texans and the Browns at Bucs, actually have participants pitted against each other.

Oh, yes, the chaos comes early this year.

And if you are wondering which team the Swami has blessed enough to support, you need look no further than the bottom of the page. I am on my beloveds this week, and proudly, and will see you all -- nay, only some of you -- alive in Week Two.

That is all.