It is said every season has a champion, every champion has a journey, and every journey has a beginning, and it just so happens that this season's Swami Blog journey begins from an unexpected place ... live from Lake Tahoe on Saturday Night.
Ladies and gentlemen, honored guests, colleagues, heroes, villains, compatriots, competitors, lovers, and friends, I bid you welcome once more to another great and glorious year of the Suicide Pool. Allow myself to introduce myself, your afore-mentioned host, the mischievous, oft-villainous, perhaps murderous, always iniquitous Swami Me.
For those who are new to the Pool, and who therefore have not been party to the word-smithery that comes standard in these parts -- enough hot poetic wax for a Fifty Shades sequel -- allow as well some small measure of introduction, and also erudition, that you might come to survive past the quarter-mark.
Yes, my friends, I will come now to tell of the Two Staples and Five Rules of the Swami Suicide Pool. Rules are made to be broken, 'tis true, and more rules than one cares to admit will be broken this weekend by many experienced veterans of the Pool, and still. Still you must know them, must lay your head on the pillow and remember them, must post them widely and reverently across all manner of media.
The Two Staples of the Suicide Pool are the Root of the Week and the Tuesday Taunt. In the former, the Swami lays down his own weekly pick in advance of Sunday play, as well as the trending popular selections (and while the NFL has dropped Roman Numerals, not so shall the Swami's Root). In the latter, he taunts all those who perished the weekend prior with a Tuesday (oft Thursday) blog post and group email. The Swami, you will come to know, loves chaos, and relishes it.
The Five Rules for making selections in the Suicide Pool are as follows: (1) Never pick a road team; (2) Never pick a team playing a team within its own division; (3) Never pick the Chargers prior to Week Six; (4) Never pick the same team with all five of your entries; and, most importantly, (5) Never pick against the Swami's orange and aqua Beloveds, lest you risk the Swami Hex. Know, and remember.
Week One of 2015 is a schizophrenic slate, a return to form after the heavy first-week favorites of last year. Following a Patriotic win on Thursday night, in which many participants were ushered to safety on the strong and fully-flated arm of Tom Brady, there are, simply stated, no easy match-ups. Rules will be broken. Nerves will be strained. The Reaper is already sharpening the scythe and September has not yet reached its solstice.
The masses have moved in too many directions to count: Cowboys, Bucs, Packers, Cardinals, Beloveds, Panthers, Bengals, Seahawks, Chargers, Vikings, Eagles, Browns, 49ers, Jets, and Raiders, and on and on it goes. Fully half the league has been selected.
It has taken some thought and some skill to find the proper choice this first week for the Swami himself. It would have been the Beloveds, but for a promise of honor to Ze German, who loves his politically incorrect Native American squad even though they be a particular brand of Barkley turrrible. Upon reflection, I remember the words of the brilliant Wadsworth, he of plots and intrigues with nary a Clue to be found, who reminds us all that while monkeys brains -- though popular in Cantonese cuisine -- are not often to be found in Washington DC, double negatives always lead to proof positive . . . and so in breaking a pair of his own rules, Swami will take such positive proof squarely into Week Two.
Packers, for the win.
And so, once more without further ado, with the first Root set and the Pool locked and loaded, I declare this season of the Swami Suicide Pool officially open.
That is all.
