Swami's NFL Pool 2018: Thursday Taunt III

September 26, 2013

Thursday Taunt III

It seems to me there are some of you who are not quite sure what you're doing. For instance, when the Swami says the Seattle Seahawks are the biggest Lock Pick in the history of the Suicide Pool, when they are favored by 20 points, and when the only question is when and by how much they will cover, you pick the Seattle Seahawks.

I am not shocked that 94 of you did just that. I am shocked that there were 63 of you who did not.

Like a 5-year old stepping off the platform of a 4-story zip line in Lake Tahoe, 63 participants took a plunge with little knowledge of what would happen come the end of the line. But while the Son of Swami stuck his own landing and hauled himself to safety, 24 of you clipped it and plummeted to a very painful Week Three loss.

And so here we stand with our Week Three statistics, which feature a bevy of undefeated beauties . . . though not as many as should be.

Week Three Stats
94 undefeated at 3-0
58 with one loss
24 week three losers
8 deceased

It should also be noted that the Suicide Pool is often cruel and often fickle, and so we bid adieu to Dr. L and That Guy, who both went undefeated in the regular season last year, but have accumulated a pair of losses already in 2013. We also say goodbye to veterans Wick & Chick and Dawg Pound, who will burn and bark no more, and Bootleg Right, who booted himself right on out the door.

Perhaps next time when the Swami speaks, the masses will listen.

That is all.

Introducing . . .

. . . Ze German, a frothy, filthy, unfiltered 'Skins-lover bringing you weekly rants from his tapestry-laden castle high upon the Zugspitze peak. There is wisdom and method to his madness, however, so pay attention -- just look out for the women and children.

. . . The Holy Light, and the best of us, a beacon of strength, dignity, and truth, and shining where there is darkness. As it was in Ezekiel, his word is his bond and his name is the law, and he shall strike down those who dare not listen when he doth speak.

. . . The Hooded Fiend, brilliant, diabolical, devious -- the smartest man you've never met, and will never have the chance. Locked away in the dungeons below a nondescript building, we only bring the Fiend out to post when the situation is most dire.

. . . El Doctor, the tall, dark, hunky, and handsome resident surgeon of Suicide. Women love his strong hands, men respect his keen mind, and Swami requires his wicked wit, but no one understands his almost unholy passion for autos and linen pants.

. . . Man of Wench, that staunch fan of all things Philly and a fine specimen of masculinity, bold enough to tie the knot with the feisty, infamous Wench. Whether at the grill or at the bar, with a healthy glass of vino in his hand he'll bill you by the hour for a taste of his good times.

. . . Master of Macabre, a delightfully sinful and sinister purveyor of doom and gloom, keeper of all things dark and deathly. It is unsure what horrifies more: his spectral air, his cadaverous crypt, his Machiavellian machinations, or his penchant for Princess and the Frog.

. . . Shapeshifter, he of the ever-changing ways, ever-shifting forms, and everlasting enthusiasm. Our newest commentator brings forth pomp, verbosity, and circumstance on scale to rival even the Swami himself. Shifty, yes, and subtle when necessary, his form is never out of fashion.