Tuesday Taunt VI

143 participants
46 undefeated
49 with one loss
48 dead
12 week six losers


Yes, you clever little participant you, this Taunt comes on a Wednesday. Thank you for noticing; tough for the Swami to put anything past you.

More carnage than expected came this week, what with the Root and the masses dumping the Browns on the back of Big Ben. The Bears knocked around nine while the Chargers took down three more inexplicable selectors. Only 95 remain of the 143 who began.

That is all.

NFL Obituary - Week Sechs

I close my eyes
Only for a moment,
then the momen't gone
All my dreams
Pass before my eyes,
a curiosity
Dust in the wind
All they are is dust in the wind
- Kansas


Ladies and Gentlemen, we have come to the crossroads of the season where it now becomes possible, and dare I say prudent, to make a judgement call on certain obvious storylines that still have yet to play themselves out, but for all intensive purposes are finished. Here, I will finally put to bed some of the lingering blemishes that seem to continue to raise their ugly head once and for all.

1) RIP Bills, Panthers, Lions, and Browns.

- I present to you the top 4 picks in the 2011 Draft, and the four teams that you should always pick against when given the oppotunity for the rest of the year. In a QB driven league you have two teams that are starting QBs that wouldn't even make it onto the other 30 teams' practice squads, and two teams that are starting rookies that no team thought was worthy of a first round pick. They've given up on themselves, so you should to. Like lambs to slaughter.....

2) RIP Wade Phillips and Norval Turner.

- You both suck so hard that not even Dyson could increase your sucktitude. God, I hate both your faces so much.

3) RIP Legacy of first ballot HOF players....Brett "Crotch Shots" Favre and Junior "I 'accidentally' drove myself off a 100 foot cliff, after being arrested for beating my 25 year old girlfriend" Seau

- Depending on how big these stories get, which I admit remains to be seen, their obituaries could read a similar way to how OJ's and Vick's will, ie. He played football, paragraph on transgression, the end. So sad.

4) RIP Jerry Jones and all semi-coherent Cowboy's fans hope

- countless weeks in a row having to pre-emptively say that he wasn't going to fire the Son of Bum mid-season, and now this, "Asked if he was concerned that his veteran quarterback would make such a crucial mistake, Jones showed his support in his own unique way. 'We don't have a replacement for Tony,' he said".......Delicious.

5) RIP Severe Head Injuries.....I hope

- Not sure if I like what the league thinks is the solution to this problem, but I think we all can agree that the amount of head injuries this year IS a problem. Players are faster and stronger than they have ever been, and head to head shots for some reason aren't getting flagged. It needs to start happening....NOW.

And now....Ze German's motivational poster of the week.....

Doh Bears

Shunning the herd, I thought I'd be clever and take da Bears at home against Matt Hasselbeck and the Seahawks, who I thought were terrible on the road. Instead in a flash, I am out of the pool. Thanks Jay and the rest of the JV Bears (who unbelievably lead the NFC Norse still).

For you Mr. Cutler and our humble readers (however few you may be), I give you another Haiku . . .

Bears at home v. Hawks
No Brainer right you say, no?
Drunk Vandy Frat Boy

The Root of the Week VI

One week after a vicious blood-letting, everyone scrambles to play it safe. The Curtain is the beneficiary, of course, hosting the lowly Browns in a matchup featuring the return of Big Ben and the first start for rookie QB Colt McCoy. I suppose the photo for the Week 04 Taunt would've been applicable, as well, therefore. No official tally, but the vast majority rides the 'Burgh.

Swami likes Steel City, too, this week, yet another moment of herd mentality for one oft herd-averse. Most of the rest are on the New York Football Giants, with a smattering of Bears, Colts, etc. With so many rooting for Big Ben to succeed this week, thereby in some small measure facilitating his image rehabilitation, it makes me wonder if we're all bad people.

That is all.

Ode to Norv

For all those dumb enough to role the dice with the Chargers this week (like me), I give you a Haiku:

Norv Turner you suck

One should never pick the Bolts

Stick a fork in me

A Case of the Mondays V

"It's a cruel and random world, but the chaos is all so beautiful."

So says the alchemist Arakawa, crystallizing perhaps better than anyone outside the Swami what the Suicide Pool is, and was, and will be, although never more so than this past weekend, this most binary of Sundays, when history was made.


One need look no further than the image above to understand how devastating Week Five was, how much carnage was wrought by the Bengals and Saints and Chargers and Cowboys and Rams and Texans and Packers, and how beautiful the chaos truly was.

It was the single most death-laden week in Suicide pool history: 29 participants exited stage left with their second loss, never to return, while 32 others felt the sting of that first awful bite. For those keeping track, 47% of the active group of participants went down to defeat. The update coming on the morrow will expound upon these numbers and provide the snap-shot statistics, but for now it is enough to say that we are unlikely to see a week such as this for a long, long time.

Epic, truly epic.

That is all.

The Root of the Week V

It's a foursome, one week removed from an excellent opportunity for pun. I liken the big picks this week as follows: Indy is Ty Webb, usually unflappable; the Bengals are Al Czervik, just because of the pants; the Ravens are Dr. Beeper, looking for the playoffs three years running; and the Chargers are the Judge, always good for a slice.

Also, a smattering of picks on the Cowboys, Packers, and Saints, and even a trio of very bold Jags and Rams selections. I enjoy those who are bold, almost as much as I enjoy chaos. As for the Week Five Swami selection, I have this to say: Be the Ball.

Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah.

That is all.

Fiend's Five Under Fire

A weekly look at five coaches feeling the heat

1.Mike Singletary, San Francisco 49ers

While Singletary is on the hottest of hot seats, the Fiend is starting to wonder if the Niners offensive problems start with QB Alex Smith. New offensive coordinator every year, same result. The 49ers aren't as bad as their 0-4 record shows and should beat a Vick-less Eagles team at home on Sunday night.

2.Brad Childress, Minnesota Vikings

The biggest jump this week belongs to Brad Childress coming off a Week 4 bye. Why? Two reasons. A small distraction involving Brett Favre and the addition of Randy Moss. When the Vikings fail to produce offensively, the blame goes to Chilly rather than Favre and Moss.

3.Norv Turner, San Diego Chargers

Norv holds his spot at #3 despite the blowout win over Arizona. A big win means a big letdown the next week for a Norv-coached team, so expect a disaster in the Black Hole on Sunday.

4.Marvin Lewis, Cincinnati Bengals

Although Lewis is in no danger of being fired at this point, it's going to take a big turnaround in a tough division for him to remain the coach of the Bengals past this season. Losing to Cleveland will earn any coach a spot in the top five.

5.Chan Gailey, Buffalo Bills

The Bills are looking like they will be in great position to pick between Andrew Luck, Jake Locker or Ryan Mallett next spring. The Trent-ative Edwards experiment failed miserably and Ryan Fitzpatrick is now starting in Buffalo. Not exactly Jim Kelly or even Frank Reich. Not even Alex Van Pelt for that matter.

Waiting on deck....

Jack Del Rio, Jacksonville Jaguars

Wade Phillips, Dallas Cowboys

Tom Cable, Oakland Raiders

Tuesday Taunt 04

Weekly Statistics

143 participants
85 undefeated at 4-0
46 with one loss
12 dead
11 week four losers



For those wondering, this is a picture of a colt being broken. You'll have to figure some of these out on your own, folks.

That is all.

The Root of the Week IV

"Look, kids, Big Ben, House of Parliament."

Week Four has the Suicide Pool spinning, it seems, with multiple teams being tabbed for Sunday glory. After a slow and silent third outing, our fourth looks to be quite the mayhem-maker.

The Saints, Packers, and Chargers (really?) seem to be the squads most favored by our participants, although there are quite a few nods to the Falcons, Colts, and Jets, and even a handful of Texans, Bengals, and who knows who else. Will all these teams earn the elusive NFL "W"? I think not, and I think it glorious.

For those keeping track of our weekly Root, in which space the Swami has posted his pick each week with various forms of word-smithery, I shall be clear with my selection this week, for those who appreciate not exceptional prose and poetry.

There is a Brees stirring the Swami this week. Saints by 17.

That is all.