The Root of the Week VI

One week after a vicious blood-letting, everyone scrambles to play it safe. The Curtain is the beneficiary, of course, hosting the lowly Browns in a matchup featuring the return of Big Ben and the first start for rookie QB Colt McCoy. I suppose the photo for the Week 04 Taunt would've been applicable, as well, therefore. No official tally, but the vast majority rides the 'Burgh.

Swami likes Steel City, too, this week, yet another moment of herd mentality for one oft herd-averse. Most of the rest are on the New York Football Giants, with a smattering of Bears, Colts, etc. With so many rooting for Big Ben to succeed this week, thereby in some small measure facilitating his image rehabilitation, it makes me wonder if we're all bad people.

That is all.

Ode to Norv

For all those dumb enough to role the dice with the Chargers this week (like me), I give you a Haiku:

Norv Turner you suck

One should never pick the Bolts

Stick a fork in me

A Case of the Mondays V

"It's a cruel and random world, but the chaos is all so beautiful."

So says the alchemist Arakawa, crystallizing perhaps better than anyone outside the Swami what the Suicide Pool is, and was, and will be, although never more so than this past weekend, this most binary of Sundays, when history was made.


One need look no further than the image above to understand how devastating Week Five was, how much carnage was wrought by the Bengals and Saints and Chargers and Cowboys and Rams and Texans and Packers, and how beautiful the chaos truly was.

It was the single most death-laden week in Suicide pool history: 29 participants exited stage left with their second loss, never to return, while 32 others felt the sting of that first awful bite. For those keeping track, 47% of the active group of participants went down to defeat. The update coming on the morrow will expound upon these numbers and provide the snap-shot statistics, but for now it is enough to say that we are unlikely to see a week such as this for a long, long time.

Epic, truly epic.

That is all.

The Root of the Week V

It's a foursome, one week removed from an excellent opportunity for pun. I liken the big picks this week as follows: Indy is Ty Webb, usually unflappable; the Bengals are Al Czervik, just because of the pants; the Ravens are Dr. Beeper, looking for the playoffs three years running; and the Chargers are the Judge, always good for a slice.

Also, a smattering of picks on the Cowboys, Packers, and Saints, and even a trio of very bold Jags and Rams selections. I enjoy those who are bold, almost as much as I enjoy chaos. As for the Week Five Swami selection, I have this to say: Be the Ball.

Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah.

That is all.

Fiend's Five Under Fire

A weekly look at five coaches feeling the heat

1.Mike Singletary, San Francisco 49ers

While Singletary is on the hottest of hot seats, the Fiend is starting to wonder if the Niners offensive problems start with QB Alex Smith. New offensive coordinator every year, same result. The 49ers aren't as bad as their 0-4 record shows and should beat a Vick-less Eagles team at home on Sunday night.

2.Brad Childress, Minnesota Vikings

The biggest jump this week belongs to Brad Childress coming off a Week 4 bye. Why? Two reasons. A small distraction involving Brett Favre and the addition of Randy Moss. When the Vikings fail to produce offensively, the blame goes to Chilly rather than Favre and Moss.

3.Norv Turner, San Diego Chargers

Norv holds his spot at #3 despite the blowout win over Arizona. A big win means a big letdown the next week for a Norv-coached team, so expect a disaster in the Black Hole on Sunday.

4.Marvin Lewis, Cincinnati Bengals

Although Lewis is in no danger of being fired at this point, it's going to take a big turnaround in a tough division for him to remain the coach of the Bengals past this season. Losing to Cleveland will earn any coach a spot in the top five.

5.Chan Gailey, Buffalo Bills

The Bills are looking like they will be in great position to pick between Andrew Luck, Jake Locker or Ryan Mallett next spring. The Trent-ative Edwards experiment failed miserably and Ryan Fitzpatrick is now starting in Buffalo. Not exactly Jim Kelly or even Frank Reich. Not even Alex Van Pelt for that matter.

Waiting on deck....

Jack Del Rio, Jacksonville Jaguars

Wade Phillips, Dallas Cowboys

Tom Cable, Oakland Raiders

Tuesday Taunt 04

Weekly Statistics

143 participants
85 undefeated at 4-0
46 with one loss
12 dead
11 week four losers



For those wondering, this is a picture of a colt being broken. You'll have to figure some of these out on your own, folks.

That is all.

The Root of the Week IV

"Look, kids, Big Ben, House of Parliament."

Week Four has the Suicide Pool spinning, it seems, with multiple teams being tabbed for Sunday glory. After a slow and silent third outing, our fourth looks to be quite the mayhem-maker.

The Saints, Packers, and Chargers (really?) seem to be the squads most favored by our participants, although there are quite a few nods to the Falcons, Colts, and Jets, and even a handful of Texans, Bengals, and who knows who else. Will all these teams earn the elusive NFL "W"? I think not, and I think it glorious.

For those keeping track of our weekly Root, in which space the Swami has posted his pick each week with various forms of word-smithery, I shall be clear with my selection this week, for those who appreciate not exceptional prose and poetry.

There is a Brees stirring the Swami this week. Saints by 17.

That is all.

Fiend's Five Under Fire

A weekly look at five coaches feeling the heat

1. Jack Del Rio, Jacksonville Jaguars

Standing 1-2 after the first 3 weeks, the pressure is building in J-Ville for the NFL's king of leather jackets. After the upcoming loss to Indianapolis, Del Rio will be the driver of the bus that QB David Garrard is thrown under and will secure his job for another few weeks. Then, predictably, ESPN's "sources" can start the Urban Meyer to Jacksonville rumors.

2. Mike Singletary, San Francisco 49ers

The end of the line is near when you fire your hand picked offensive coordinator, Jimmy Raye. Anyone else think this offense would look pretty good right now if Singletary didn't immediately axe Mike Martz last year? Always a good idea to make sure your OC can get a play down to the QB within 45 seconds too...

3. Norv Turner, San Diego Chargers

Nuff said.

4. John Fox, Carolina Panthers

Gone are the days of the stout Carolina defenses that carried Fox deep into the playoffs in 2003 and 2005. An 0-4 start looks certain as a trip to NFC South rival New Orleans awaits in Week Four. Aside from job security, Fox has to worry about Jimmy "4 Heismans" Clausen getting Steve Smith killed over the middle. On the flipside, Steve Smith might just kill Jimmy Clausen for hanging him out to dry over the middle.

5. Tom Cable, Oakland Raiders

The Jawbreaker, as he is known, is probably still coaching in the NFL only because he is Al Davis' type of coach. A highly unsuccessful head coach at all levels (11-35 record at WAC powerhouse Idaho) with a history of violence, Cable is a perfect fit for the Commitment to Excrement. A change will come mid-season and Davis will likely hire longtime favorite Paul Hackett. Oh the horror.

Waiting on deck....

Eric Mangini, Cleveland Browns

Brad Childress, Minnesota Vikings

Wade Phillips, Dallas Cowboys

Tuesday Taunt 03

143 participants
94 undefeateds
40 with one loss
9 participants dead
5 week three losers




Nothing much to say for Week Three, not when 130 of 135 emerge from the Sunday scuffle unscathed. Those who've followed the Suicide Pool for some years know how much we enjoy our chaos and carnage, which is why we've called in Jobu to voodoo up the place. I told him you stole his rum, and nobody steals Jobu's rum.

"Is very bad."

That is all.

The Root of the Week III

As Richard Jeni would say, the sports world is always looking for the Bigger, Better Deal. One such BBD craze, the latest to cycle 'round again despite its long history, is that of the Big Three, which is to say the stockpiling of superstars and the labeling of them as surefire winners. What began long ago in that wonderfully colored medium of the illustrated page has practically overtaken the basketball world; we saw it in Boston with Garnett, Pierce, and Allen in '08 and we saw it last summer in Miami with the King, D-Wade, and that other guy.

Suicide 2010 is no different, it seems, and fitting it is that in Week Three of our season, we find our steadfast participants dialing up their own version of a Big Three in Baltimore, New England, and Minnesota. Everyone and their mother is on one of these teams, truly -- my own mother emailed me her pick and she's on the Pats. Rasmussen currently estimates the Big Three will probably top 95% of the participant picks when all is said and done. Sure, we've got a smattering of Bengals, Eagles, Redskins, 49ers, and even a very bold Bears-lover, but these are few and far between.

There is no herd this week; there are three smaller spheres, and a great deal of overlap therein. Suicide is survival, however, and while I think anyone riding the Viking ship is destined for the halls of Valhalla, the Pats and Birds are both safe picks, and safety is the name of the game in the early going.

And so open here I fling the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter, in there steps a stately raven of the saintly days of yore, and this raven still beguiling all my fancy into smiling, on the morrow shall ease my sorrow, and take me straight into Week Four.

That is all.