The Root of the Week III

There was much reflection this past week by the participants of the Pool. Much time spent alone in the darkness, thinking, pondering, praying. Devastation and chaos have that impact on people, and the Week That Shall Not Be Named was more destructive and more chaotic than any other. Like, ever.

There are some who have given way to dark urges, threatening retirement henceforth should their chosen team* lose this week. One even mentioned a bell tower. Dark and reaper-like ramblings, indeed.

*It should be noted at this time, before we speak to the photo above, that nearly everyone is riding the Seahawks or Patriots this week. The entire Swami clan, in fact, is on the Patriots: myself, the Factor, the Spawn, and Darth. 

It is widely known my particular affinity for chaos. I do relish it, and admit so freely. However, it should additionally be noted that I only relish it after a certain week. Week Two is not a week I am hoping for heavy loss . . . I like participants to get a nice five-week rhythm or so--and a little confidence--before their hopes and dreams are crushed.

The Swami Hex is also widely known, bestowed upon those who bet against the Beloveds. I have turned the Hex on and nary a hexed individual has made a deep run. 

Well, my friends, I am here on this night (morning, actually) to offer a bit of hope to my fine participants friends. I am flipping the script on my Swami powers, turning them on for the cause of goodness and rightness, and so the Swami Hex until further notice shall be considered the Swami Boon. Those who ride the Seahawks and the Patriots will assuredly reach the promised land of the Fourth Week. I am riding a wedding high on this fine Saturday night, feeling linked to the heavens and the powers therein as only one in my official position might be able, and so.

And so Hope, it seems, is closer than it appears. Good luck to all of you on the morrow.

That is all.

There Is No Taunt On This Sad, Sad Week II

"They stood resolved, and ready at the bell,
and candles light the places where they fell."

I know not where this day finds you. I know not from where you read this, not your circumstance nor your situation, nor whether your mood runs to merriment or melancholy, or some measure between.

I know not, and there is, truth be told, little knowledge to be had on this cold, cruel evening in the middle of the week. It is three days since the devastation of Sunday, just two since the cruel Reaper continued his rampage on Monday night. We are all still feeling it, all still carrying the burdens of what was, is, and will forever be . . .

. . . the single worst week in the history of the Swami Suicide Pool.

I do not think it will be possible to ever top such a week. I think we could take 200 brave souls, have them make picks independently for one thousand weeks straight, and still never come close to touching the sheer and utter carnage rained down upon us this week. Week Two of 2015 shall henceforth be known, like Voldemort, as the "Week That Shall Not Be Named."

Before the actual statistics and before I add some additional commentary, it is pertinent to discuss October of 2011, Week V. It is a flashback not many will want to flashback. Here is what was said then:

"It was carnage, utter and absolute; the single bloodiest weekend in the history of Suicide. 83 participants rode the Giants to their untimely demise, 92 took losses in total, and 37 perished for the second and final time. 102 remain alive, 78 with one loss. For those keeping track at home, a full two-thirds (66%) lost in Week Five. After five weeks in, only 16% remain undefeated. No one with multiple entries remains unscathed. The theme of the season is destruction, devastation, chaos."

This past weekend makes Week V of 2011 look like a few fine young people taking a pleasure cruise. Week II of 2015 is a few fine young people out for a pleasure cruise at night through eel-infested waters -- and everyone knows the shrieking eels are loudest right before they strike.

That sound you heard on Sunday? Well, they struck. Observe:

# - Two weeks into this short, deadly season, only 14 participants remain undefeated -- only fourteen!!?! 

# - The losses piled up in record numbers: 76 were denied heaven's pearly gates via the Saints; 37 thought they had avoided the bloodshed and rode their Colts into the ground on Monday; 26 liked the trendy Ravens pick, but quoted Poe, 'Nevermore.'; 25 wanted protection and took the Beloveds in honor of Swami, including the Swami himself, only to fall, sadly, along with all the rest; and the Rams, Eagles, and Titans all added multiple participants to their backing parties ... only to disappoint them with ridiculous losses.

For those counting at home, that is 174 losses suffered in total by the participants this week. 174??? WTF??? The single bloodiest, most devastating week in history. Our own personal Antietam. The number you are looking for is 88% ... 88% lost their lives. I have no words. 'Tis rare, yes, but I have no words to describe the scene. 

Some small measure can be found in this one last thought --- save for a few random undefeated survivors, the whole rest of the pool is in the same boat. So many bit the dust, the playing field is very nearly level.

And so onward we merrily roll in Suicide 2015.

That is all.                         

The Root of the Week II

Goodbye doubt and indecision ... the field has narrowed its choices significantly for Week Two. Twenty teams selected? Nay, shocking it will be to make even one quarter of that number. 

And yet still, for the second week in a row, the field has largely gone away from the sound strategy that has produced winners in seasons' past. You do remember the name of the rules, don't you?

Most of the action this week lies on the Saints, and when they come marching in there will be joyous celebration throughout the lands. No slam dunk, however, the seemingly best pick still flaunts a broken rule: Tampa Bay and New Orleans share the same division. Even though the Saints are the home team and the Winston's are quarterbacked by an overrated rookie, this is still a broken rule.

No surprisingly, however . . . the Swami is breaking a rule of his own. No road teams? No problem. The Swami rides the Beloveds this weekend*. I bid you adieu, and look forward to meeting you in week the third.

That is all.

*The Beloveds are the Miami Dolphins, and should you wish to curry favor with Swami, waxing poetic about the beautiful Fish is a great way to start. Pick against them (hmmm, no one dumb enough this week) and you join the list of those who wear the Swami Hex, forever.

Tuesday Taunt I

Were one being honest with oneself -- and let's be honest, one should always be honest with oneself above all else -- one would sit down, breathe deeply, reflect upon the weekend that was in the National Football League ... and realize one has no bloomin' idea what is coming or what will happen next.

Rules were broken. Facades were shattered. Negatives were doubled. Proofs were positived. Twenty-one souls lost their first lives and now enter the sudden death portion of the pool.

I have never seen such things. Twenty different teams were chosen. For those keeping track at home, there are 32 teams in the league and all play on opening day. That means four games -- four! -- had participants on both sides of the ball.

We currently sit at 173 entries with a possible few more trickling in that I missed on the first pass at the spreadsheet; I have been laboring in Lake Tahoe with smoke-filled lungs and only returned on Tuesday night. So therefore there will not be as much pithy banter on the Blog as some of you are used to. It is late and almost time for bed.

The Beloveds were one of the big picks this week, despite playing on the road. So, too, were the Packers -- who broke the double negative and survived, and won proof positive on the road against a division foe. Too many other teams to count -- well, eighteen -- were picked alongside Oakland. Only eleven teams survive. Nine teams fell, taking the 21 with them. The Reaper is intrigued, but not enough to draw him out of his hole.

Just a taste of the standings at this time:

Weekly Statistics
173 participants (and counting)
6 with one loss
16 teams chosen

More serious banter -- including a crystal ball gaze -- will be coming directly; for now the Update will have to suffice on its own. Get ready for the weekend Root, there will be some tasty morsels therein.

That is all.

The Root of the Week I

It is said every season has a champion, every champion has a journey, and every journey has a beginning, and it just so happens that this season's Swami Blog journey begins from an unexpected place ... live from Lake Tahoe on Saturday Night.

Ladies and gentlemen, honored guests, colleagues, heroes, villains, compatriots, competitors, lovers, and friends, I bid you welcome once more to another great and glorious year of the Suicide Pool. Allow myself to introduce myself, your afore-mentioned host, the mischievous, oft-villainous, perhaps murderous, always iniquitous Swami Me.

For those who are new to the Pool, and who therefore have not been party to the word-smithery that comes standard in these parts -- enough hot poetic wax for a Fifty Shades sequel -- allow as well some small measure of introduction, and also erudition, that you might come to survive past the quarter-mark.

Yes, my friends, I will come now to tell of the Two Staples and Five Rules of the Swami Suicide Pool. Rules are made to be broken, 'tis true, and more rules than one cares to admit will be broken this weekend by many experienced veterans of the Pool, and still. Still you must know them, must lay your head on the pillow and remember them, must post them widely and reverently across all manner of media.

The Two Staples of the Suicide Pool are the Root of the Week and the Tuesday Taunt. In the former, the Swami lays down his own weekly pick in advance of Sunday play, as well as the trending popular selections (and while the NFL has dropped Roman Numerals, not so shall the Swami's Root). In the latter, he taunts all those who perished the weekend prior with a Tuesday (oft Thursday) blog post and group email. The Swami, you will come to know, loves chaos, and relishes it.

The Five Rules for making selections in the Suicide Pool are as follows: (1) Never pick a road team; (2) Never pick a team playing a team within its own division; (3) Never pick the Chargers prior to Week Six; (4) Never pick the same team with all five of your entries; and, most importantly, (5) Never pick against the Swami's orange and aqua Beloveds, lest you risk the Swami Hex. Know, and remember.

Week One of 2015 is a schizophrenic slate, a return to form after the heavy first-week favorites of last year. Following a Patriotic win on Thursday night, in which many participants were ushered to safety on the strong and fully-flated arm of Tom Brady, there are, simply stated, no easy match-ups. Rules will be broken. Nerves will be strained. The Reaper is already sharpening the scythe and September has not yet reached its solstice.

The masses have moved in too many directions to count: Cowboys, Bucs, Packers, Cardinals, Beloveds, Panthers, Bengals, Seahawks, Chargers, Vikings, Eagles, Browns, 49ers, Jets, and Raiders, and on and on it goes. Fully half the league has been selected.

It has taken some thought and some skill to find the proper choice this first week for the Swami himself. It would have been the Beloveds, but for a promise of honor to Ze German, who loves his politically incorrect Native American squad even though they be a particular brand of Barkley turrrible. Upon reflection, I remember the words of the brilliant Wadsworth, he of plots and intrigues with nary a Clue to be found, who reminds us all that while monkeys brains -- though popular in Cantonese cuisine -- are not often to be found in Washington DC, double negatives always lead to proof positive . . . and so in breaking a pair of his own rules, Swami will take such positive proof squarely into Week Two.

Packers, for the win.

And so, once more without further ado, with the first Root set and the Pool locked and loaded, I declare this season of the Swami Suicide Pool officially open.

That is all.

Welcome to the '15 Dance, Ladies and Gentlemen ...

                                                                                                                                                                   

Well, hello my lovelies, my beautiful people, has it been so long? The wait has indeed been long, nigh unbearable, and yet it seems we have come once again, come at last, come together to the start of the journey, the stoop of the door, the first rung of the ladder---the return of the NFL Suicide Pool, and yours truly.

It is hoped that time has healed all your wounds, after the chaos and devastation of last season. The entries are flying in, and as of this posting a fair many have already found success in this newly birthed season: the Patriots ran fairly Gronkshod over the Steelers on Thursday night.

Let us dispense with the pleasantries, however, as there will be plenty of time for word-smithery in weeks to come. Let this post serve as your official reference points for all things Suicide Pool.

NFL Suicide Pools have a simple premise: you pick the winner of one single NFL game each week (straight up, no point spreads) and if the team you choose wins their game, you advance to the next week. 

If your team loses, you take a loss, and in the Swami's Suicide Pool two losses eliminates you from competition. You may not pick the same team twice during the regular season (see below for special playoff rules). There are additional details, of course, which are outlined below, but the above is the general gist of things.

That's it, although you are still highly encouraged to read the following in-depth breakdown in its entirety, even those who are experienced Swami Suicide Pool veterans.

(1) Entries - Each participant may enter a minimum of one (1) and a maximum of five (5) entries.

(2) Picks - You pick the winner of a single NFL game each week. No point spreads are involved, which means you pick the straight-up winner. Please note that ties count as losses. Kindly email your weekly picks to SwamiSuicidePool@gmail.com.

(3) Deadline -You must get your pick in by the start of your chosen team’s game (kick-off). If you neglect to send a pick in a given week, the default pick is the home team for the Monday night game. If you have already used that team, the Monday night visiting team is your selection. If you have already used both teams, you lose.

(4) Format - This is a double-elimination tournament; you are allowed one loss. Uno, dos, adios!

(5) Disputes - If rule clarifications or amendments are required mid-season (unlikely) or in the event of disputes (also unlikely), all decisions made by the Swami are final.

(6) Updates - An update email will be sent each week with the number of surviving players, the coming week's schedule of games, and pick selections from the previous weeks. The update will usually come on Tuesday, although the Swami reserves the right to stretch it later into the week, if needed. You can also check this blog for the update. Additionally, the Swami will post his own weekly pick on Saturdays prior to Sunday play, lest he picks the Thursday game, in which case twill be posted on the Day of Wednes.

(7) Playoffs - The playoff structure for 2015 is identical to the format used the past five seasons. Starting in Week Ten (10) of the regular season, any team chosen by a participant is NOT eligible to be selected in the playoffs, where the standard Suicide Rules will apply (i.e. you select one team to win per weekend playoff round). Teams chosen in Weeks One thru Nine (1-9) will be available to be re-selected in the playoffs.

Kindly address questions to the Swami at SwamiSuicidePool@gmail.com.

And so I will leave you all for the time being as I crawl into my robes and gaze into the crystal once more, to return in short order with the first Root of the Week as the world waits eagerly on the eve of gridiron battle.

Let the Swami ride again.

That is all.