The Root of the Week II

I have a story to tell; tell it, I shall.

One night, not too long ago, two men stood under heavy spotlight in the center of a room. They were singing, poorly, belting out a roaring duet that was not well-received by operatic aficionados, but quite well considered by the crowd assembled for the occasion.

Both men were thought in that moment to be on mutually transcendent paths, as if strapped together to a rocket ship that would blast them simultaneously off to limitless heights. The first called his home the deep south, the second the west coast.

This was punditry and prediction, however, not undisputed fact, and so it shall come as no surprise to those with shares fair of knowledge that the prevailing theory did not come to pass as planned. Indeed, 'twas no more than half right.

In the two years that followed, deep south would ride the rocket ship skyward, not reaching fully the heights but coming within hair's breadth. He would develop a powerful brand, as well, as much about his prowess on field as his impact off. He is without question one of his profession's most impactful -- and influential -- players.

To make a long story short -- too late -- the west coast did not. Three time zones away, west coast faltered, stumbled, then fell. There were flashes of possible return to form, hints of possible resurrection, but all for naught. The bench was his true and rightful home, and there he remained.

In fact, he became so enamored with and accustomed to sitting the bench that he did so once even when he was not supposed to ... and thus was thrust back into the spotlight of prominence that had eluded him for twenty plus months. West coast now has a new rocket ship; whether it blasts him to new heights or detonates just after lift-off remains to be seen, but his footprint hardens now in the annals of sports and national history.

Of course, it has nothing to do with football, the footprint or the rocket ship -- which is why my story ends here, and why the masses are moving quite definitively in one direction, Newton-esque I dare say, with force and motion and momentum as only Sir Isaac could love*. There are other selections: a few Cardinals, a few Ravens, a few Broncos, a few Seahawks, a few Lions, even a few Patriots as some poor souls brave the double Swami Hex.

The Swami has never liked moving with the masses. This is known. He prefers and has always preferred to move not to the measured beat, but his own glorious rhythm. And yet ... and yet ...

Carolina, for the win.

That is all.

*See what I did there? Newton double entendre. I just left my customary double entendre indecency home, as children might be reading.

The Root of the Week II

Goodbye doubt and indecision ... the field has narrowed its choices significantly for Week Two. Twenty teams selected? Nay, shocking it will be to make even one quarter of that number. 

And yet still, for the second week in a row, the field has largely gone away from the sound strategy that has produced winners in seasons' past. You do remember the name of the rules, don't you?

Most of the action this week lies on the Saints, and when they come marching in there will be joyous celebration throughout the lands. No slam dunk, however, the seemingly best pick still flaunts a broken rule: Tampa Bay and New Orleans share the same division. Even though the Saints are the home team and the Winston's are quarterbacked by an overrated rookie, this is still a broken rule.

No surprisingly, however . . . the Swami is breaking a rule of his own. No road teams? No problem. The Swami rides the Beloveds this weekend*. I bid you adieu, and look forward to meeting you in week the third.

That is all.

*The Beloveds are the Miami Dolphins, and should you wish to curry favor with Swami, waxing poetic about the beautiful Fish is a great way to start. Pick against them (hmmm, no one dumb enough this week) and you join the list of those who wear the Swami Hex, forever.

Tuesday Taunt II

You see, my friends . . . the Swami knows. The Swami does not have rules for no reason, they exist for your protection. Many of you elected to heed the bells of warning, not so much some of the others.

Swami was asked this past week about the Seahawks and the 49ers as prospective picks, roads which a collective forty participants went down in Week Two ... and thus went down in Week Two. Heed the rules, my friends, and submit not to temptation, lest you, too, be struck by the highly-charged lightning of Suicide.

Rule #3 - Do Not, Do Not, Do Not Choose the Chargers, Either For or Against, Before Week Six ... The Chargers have burned too many participants to trust them at all with your Suicide lives, and yet several brave souls broke the rules ... and perished.

It just so happens that I also picked the Bears to win their Week Two matchup with the 49ers. Seemed like the classic bounce back game, and the 49ers are not that strong to begin with. Prepare yourself for my Twenty Bold Predictions, coming later this week once I have had time to consult with my crystal ball.

Which saw chaos coming this week, and chaos there was in spades. Quick statistics for the masses on this fine late evening:

Weekly Statistics
192 participants
89 undefeateds
69 with one loss
64 week two losers
63 week one losers
24 deceased

And so we bid a fine farewell and a safe adieu to the 24 lost souls who will wander the halls, and sidewalks, and streets of their byways, waiting four someone to shepherd them home. The shepherd is coming soon, sharpening his scythe for that coming day, when he will walk fully and forcefully amongst you. Prepare for that day, and his wrath.

That is all.

Tuesday Taunt II

Bigg Doggs and Mad Dogs and Monkeys, oh my!

The Wicked Witches of the Western United States struck, and struck hard this past Sunday, and so at the hands of the Chargers and Cardinals fall the Eagles and Lions, and so in turn pass from our midst, like white mist from the mouth on a cold, cold night, the three participants known as Big Dogg 02, Mad Dog 03, and Monkey 01. Luckily, all three gentlemen have other lives remaining with which to haphazardly bet, throwing caution to the wind, and disregarding all Swami Rules.

For the uninitiated, let us rehash the Three Rules for Staying Alive in Suicide:

#01 - Do not pick a team to win on the road.
#02 - Do not pick a team to beat a team in its own division.
#03 - Do not pick a game in which the Chargers are playing, for or against, before Week 06.

All three of our deceased participants, who have tied together for 158th place, broke one of the above rules, and paid the ultimate price -- along with sixteen other unfortunate souls. 

Week Two Statistics
160 participants
113 undefeated
44 with one loss
3 deceased

Week Three is right around the corner. I expect there to be significant action on one game in particular, and while I am not one to usually fly with the flock, in this case it may very well be unavoidable. We shall see come the Root of the Week.

That is all.

The Root of the Week II

The masses fall into two categories this good and glorious second week: those who have, and those who yet. Those who have are, not unsurprisingly, in the minority, and they are the ones sitting fat and fancy this weekend, free of heart and spirit, secure in the knowledge that they will move on to Week Three.

I am, of course, referring to those who took the Patriots on Thursday night.

There were a good many, and they sweated out a prime time nail-biter with Angry Tom and the Gang Green Genos, but ultimately prevailed --- and so they watch with gleeful amusement as the rest of the masses sweat out their own Week Two selections.

Which are rather varied, it seems.

We have the Bears, the Eagles, the Ravens, the Packers, the Bengals, the Vikings, the Saints, the Falcons, the Cardinals, and even the Raiders in on the action, with the Ravens getting the most action of the above bunch.

But like a herd of cattle crossing the Texas panhandle, pack mentality in spades, the heaviest flow of participants has migrated to old Reliant Stadium, and put their money on the solitary star. I will join them.

That is all.