Swami's NFL Pool 2018: The Root of the Week XI

November 20, 2016

The Root of the Week XI

Ah, the osprey. A beautiful creature. Amazingly adaptable, as well; lives on every continent but Antarctica. I know this because Wikipedia told me so, and Wikipedia is never wrong.

Only nineteen participants have never been wrong this excellent NFL season. This number is likely to climb higher after the weekend. You see, while the Bears are atrocious this season and Cutler is likely not long for Chicago, the man does still have a little juice left -- and the Giants are not what I would call a dominant force to be reckoned with.

Therefore, the Upset Special of the Week is Bears 27, Giants 20. This would scythe many a fine participant, including a host of unbeatens.

Why the osprey, then, to start this post? Well, friends, in addition to being a bird with many habitats, the osprey is also a bird with many names. You will recognize one of these names quite well: seahawk.

Fitting, as Swami flies high with the Seahawks this weekend.

That is all.

Introducing . . .

. . . Ze German, a frothy, filthy, unfiltered 'Skins-lover bringing you weekly rants from his tapestry-laden castle high upon the Zugspitze peak. There is wisdom and method to his madness, however, so pay attention -- just look out for the women and children.

. . . The Holy Light, and the best of us, a beacon of strength, dignity, and truth, and shining where there is darkness. As it was in Ezekiel, his word is his bond and his name is the law, and he shall strike down those who dare not listen when he doth speak.

. . . The Hooded Fiend, brilliant, diabolical, devious -- the smartest man you've never met, and will never have the chance. Locked away in the dungeons below a nondescript building, we only bring the Fiend out to post when the situation is most dire.

. . . El Doctor, the tall, dark, hunky, and handsome resident surgeon of Suicide. Women love his strong hands, men respect his keen mind, and Swami requires his wicked wit, but no one understands his almost unholy passion for autos and linen pants.

. . . Man of Wench, that staunch fan of all things Philly and a fine specimen of masculinity, bold enough to tie the knot with the feisty, infamous Wench. Whether at the grill or at the bar, with a healthy glass of vino in his hand he'll bill you by the hour for a taste of his good times.

. . . Master of Macabre, a delightfully sinful and sinister purveyor of doom and gloom, keeper of all things dark and deathly. It is unsure what horrifies more: his spectral air, his cadaverous crypt, his Machiavellian machinations, or his penchant for Princess and the Frog.

. . . Shapeshifter, he of the ever-changing ways, ever-shifting forms, and everlasting enthusiasm. Our newest commentator brings forth pomp, verbosity, and circumstance on scale to rival even the Swami himself. Shifty, yes, and subtle when necessary, his form is never out of fashion.