Swami's NFL Pool 2018: The Root of the Week X

November 13, 2016

The Root of the Week X

This is a photo of a baby lamb. Cute, and yet oddly unsettling. It is a timely photo, because oddly unsettling is the nature of the Swami Pool at this moment as we enter the pivotal tenth week. Any team chosen from here on out is chosen for the final time this season.

Many of you elected to select the Ravens on Thursday night ... as the knight says, you have chosen wisely. There is no odd unsettling for you as you bask in the glory of a punched ticket to Week Eleven.

As for the rest of us, yours truly included, we must tempt fate once more this weekend. The Cardinals seem the heavy play, and I have seen a few Texans picks, plus a handful of one-off plays like the Redskins, Saints, and even (dare to be hexed) the Chargers.

The Swami moves not to the measured beat, but rather his own glorious rhythm; I, too, shall go the one-off route and put my faith once more in the AFC East: the J-E-T-S Jets will discard their New Yorker elitist vegetarian ways and feast upon meat once again this weekend.

Bold prediction: despite the predilection of one Jeff Fisher for finishing 8-8, the Rams will far short of that number this season. They will finish 4-12, if they are lucky. I also feel it important to note that anyone calling for Goff to play this season is an I-M-B-E-C-I-L-E imbecile. With the slate of games the Rams have coming up, not to mention a shoddy offensive line, it does not good to throw Goff out there to make his way in the dark against a pack of wolves. Give the kid a year, and let him start fresh from training camp as QB1 in 2017.

Bold prediction, part deux: barring injury, Goff will make his grand debut in Week 16, starting at home in a meaningless game against the San Francisco 49ers. The Rams will have lost their previous ten games, Goff will win his first game, and the media will go into massive frenzy. Goff will come back to earth against a Cardinals team fighting for their playoff lives the following week, but two weeks will be enough to let the masses salivate throughout the off-season. The Rams will get the fifth pick in the 2017 NFL Draft and will draft a left tackle.

But before all that, the Jets will win in Week Ten.

So it is written, so it shall be done.

That is all.

Introducing . . .

. . . Ze German, a frothy, filthy, unfiltered 'Skins-lover bringing you weekly rants from his tapestry-laden castle high upon the Zugspitze peak. There is wisdom and method to his madness, however, so pay attention -- just look out for the women and children.

. . . The Holy Light, and the best of us, a beacon of strength, dignity, and truth, and shining where there is darkness. As it was in Ezekiel, his word is his bond and his name is the law, and he shall strike down those who dare not listen when he doth speak.

. . . The Hooded Fiend, brilliant, diabolical, devious -- the smartest man you've never met, and will never have the chance. Locked away in the dungeons below a nondescript building, we only bring the Fiend out to post when the situation is most dire.

. . . El Doctor, the tall, dark, hunky, and handsome resident surgeon of Suicide. Women love his strong hands, men respect his keen mind, and Swami requires his wicked wit, but no one understands his almost unholy passion for autos and linen pants.

. . . Man of Wench, that staunch fan of all things Philly and a fine specimen of masculinity, bold enough to tie the knot with the feisty, infamous Wench. Whether at the grill or at the bar, with a healthy glass of vino in his hand he'll bill you by the hour for a taste of his good times.

. . . Master of Macabre, a delightfully sinful and sinister purveyor of doom and gloom, keeper of all things dark and deathly. It is unsure what horrifies more: his spectral air, his cadaverous crypt, his Machiavellian machinations, or his penchant for Princess and the Frog.

. . . Shapeshifter, he of the ever-changing ways, ever-shifting forms, and everlasting enthusiasm. Our newest commentator brings forth pomp, verbosity, and circumstance on scale to rival even the Swami himself. Shifty, yes, and subtle when necessary, his form is never out of fashion.