Only the best of the best make the playoffs. Some are bloodied, some are bruised, even those who manage to get through undefeated come not without scars of their own. For instance this 2014 year, the Spawn has won five different weeks with her chosen team down double digits near or at half-time. We saw it once again this weekend with the Saints. Our Texans friends also survived a significant scare.
We do bid adieu to Wick & Chick, whose glorious run ended with the shooting of their Falcons down out of the sky. The Panthers used a cannon, not a pistol, so at least there was not too much pain.
And so on we merrily roll this Holiday Season into the playoffs, which we reach with seven surviving participants: Hitman, Pillow Connoisseur, Shiner, Junior, J-Ro, Monkey, and of course the unscathed Spawn of Swami.
For those remaining, a playoffs primer:
# - You must pick one team each remaining week: the Wild Card round this coming weekend, the Divisional Round, the Championship Round, and the Superbowl if we make it that far. In total, you will have four selections left to make.
# - You may use any team not selected during the regular season, as well as any team used during Weeks 1-9 of the regular season, but starting now any team from that group used may not be used again for the rest of the season.
# - As far as the payout goes, we will wait and see how the remaining participants fare after the first weekend. We will not payout all seven unless all seven make it successfully past the Superbowl. We paid out five people last year based on how things finished, we paid out three the year before, and we have had seasons where only one or two get paid out. It is all dependent upon how things finish. If there is a tie, the pot will be split.
The schedule for this first Wild Card weekend is as follows:
Saturday, Jan. 3
NFC: No. 5 Arizona Cardinals at No. 4 Carolina Panthers, 1:35 p.m. PST (ESPN)
AFC: No. 6 Baltimore at No. 3 Pittsburgh, 5:15 p.m. PST (NBC)
Sunday, Jan. 4
AFC: No. 5 Cincinnati at No. 4 Indianapolis 10:05 a.m. PST (CBS)
NFC: No. 6 Detroit at No. 3 Cowboys 1:40 p.m. PST (Fox)
Good luck to all remaining participants. May the Best of the Best of the Best win it all.
That is all.
Which way to go, which way to go? The participants have separated on this excellent Week 17.
No frills, no preamble. The Spawn places her faith in the heavens and rides the Saints. A quartet on the Texans. One flying with the Falcons. One mans a Viking vessel. One pick still to come in as of this posting.
On our eight-pack merrily rolls.
That is all.
And then there was one.
I am not entirely sure how to process the facts as currently situated; these are some uncharted Suicide Pool waters following a 50/50 Week Sixteen. Here are the important facts for those still following this topsy-turvy, slightly ridiculous season of NFL action:
# - Six participants took losses this past weekend, including two of the three remaining undefeateds.
# - There are eight souls left alive, only one undefeated.
# - The Spawn of Swami is the only undefeated.
# - The Spawn is a nine-year-old girl.
A recap of Thursday afternoon, which mirrors a once-a-week conversation held every week of the NFL season beginning after Week 7, when the Spawn took control of her own destiny:
Swami: "Alright, you are still undefeated. The three best choices this week are the Jaguars, who play tonight, and the Bills and the Rams, who play on Sunday. We cannot pick our Beloveds because we have used them already."
Spawn: "Jaguars, Bills, or Rams?"
Swami: "Jaguars, Bills, or Rams are the best choices. There are others if you want them."
Spawn: "No. I'll take the Jaguars. My friend and I are going to go play with our American Girl dolls."
And there you have it. Three options each week, and each week thus far she has chosen wisely ... and that positions her as the sole remaining undefeated going into the last week of the regular season. Eat your heart out, Walter Donovan.
That is all.
Last year, en route to his first Top Five finish in the Suicide Pool, the Swami took a flying leap, picking the 0-9 Jaguars of Jacksonville to beat the Titans of Tennessee. 92 participants were riding the Titans, who lost.
This year, en route to her own spectacular finish, the Spawn of Swami takes a flying leap of her own, picking the Jacksonville Jaguars to once again beat the Tennessee Titans. Will lightning strike twice? Can the Swami Spawn catch it in a bottle once again?
Find out in about fifteen minutes, when the game kicks off on Thursday Night Football.
That is all.
It has come down to our final twelve ... and they are so very, very dirty. You do not reach this far into the season without getting those hands at least a little grimy, and our own version of the Dirty Dozen has done just that.
We lost one Amazing participant this past weekend on the unamazing arm of the now-benched Mr. Cutler. When you get benched in favor of a Golden Dome quarterback, you know things are bad.
Week Fifteen Statistics
192 participants
3 undefeated
9 with one loss
180 deceased
'Tis a fine and merry gathering. Here's hoping we all turn out like Wladlislaw.
That is all.
On the eve of Week Fifteen, the Spawn has elected to walk amongst Giants. She has braved the heights of the beanstalk and sought her fortunes among the clouds ... and only tomorrow's time will tell if she is ground into bread or returns from on high with the golden goose. She seeks to find the elusive Tyree Giant and avoid the oft-insatiable Interception Giant, which has been known to sleep for weeks on end before rearing its ugly head.
As for the rest of the survivors, those merry few, the undisputed cream, we have Lions and Chiefs already come in, with more picks to follow. Who knows which way which participant will go, for at this point the whole shebang is a crap-shoot of gargantuan proportions --- indeed, dare I say, a feat fit for Giants.
That is all.
The dominoes are falling. With the fourteenth week in the books, three more participants bid adieu to the 2014 Suicide Pool. Graham's Girl and G-Pa have fallen for the third and final time, along with the last of the Mallory's.
Still three undefeateds, joined by their ten one-loss fellows. Most of the action tamed the Lions this past weekend, with a bit of Texans help thrown in and one lone Viking fan narrowly escaping defeat.
Week Fourteen Statistics
3 undeated at 14-0
10 with one loss at 13-1
179 deceased
For comparisons sake, in Week Fifteen last season (2013) there were only 5 souls left. In 2012, there were 22 remaining at this time. In 2011, there were 8 still alive. In 2010, there were 28. So we seem, in this most interesting year, to be right at about the five-year average for this point in the season, even if none of the years have actually been in the general range.
Also worth noting: lots of veterans in the ranks of those left alive, men and women with significant end of season experience. Pillow Connoisseur, Shiner, J-Ro, Hitman, Monkey, and Wick and Chick all have graced the hallowed halls of year's end success, and will be tough to beat for the rest of the field.
So strap on that black rubber glove that you rent with an option to buy, skin that smoke wagon and go to work.
That is all.
Everything exists in a delicate balance, and as loyal, courageous denizens of the Swami Pool, you must understand that balance and respect all participants, from Wishful Thinking on up to the Pillow Connoisseur. So sayeth Mufasa, so sayeth the King.
And on this most excellent of evenings, before a most important day of football for so many professional teams -- including the Beloveds -- we pause to reflect, to recognize, and to ultimately bask in the collective glory the remaining few share. So few, so very few remain ... and perhaps even fewer yet on the morrow.
The majority it seems have set their course for Pride Rock. A good course, to be sure, and one the Spawn seems most willing to chart for herself, as well. A potent offense, a strong defense, and an opponent with double digit losses means the Mighty Staffords have as good a chance as any team in the field to finish their weekend off with the big "W".
It does not take much these days to swashbuckle the lowly Buckaroos, as the masses have made clear. Perhaps one or two others -- Saints, Texans -- but the heavy action follows Simba across the plains.
That is all.
Milk, if left by itself, undergoes a process called homogenization.
During this process, the lighter fatty portions of the milk rise to the
top due to lesser density. Very much like oil and water. The fatty
portions are then skimmed and made into a separate product: cream.
In the figurative sense, cream is considered the more expensive, more
valuable, and therefore better of the two dairy products, so it is used
as an expression meaning someone or something better than the rest. So
"cream", or the better person or thing, shall always eventually end up
rising to the top and being acknowledged as such.
We would like to at this time acknowledge the cream of the Suicide Pool 2014 crop. Remaining participants, take your bow. There were no losses this week for the first time this year, not surprising given it being Marino Week, and so in celebration of the most perfect arm in the history of football, the Reaper, too, stood idly by.
And so we still have our sixteen participants, three unscathed and thirteen hoping to survive another week --- and even cream has its betters and its worst, and so in short order we will discover who has it within them to separate even from the very top of the field ... and claim the mantle of champion.
That is all.
