Friday Taunt XVIII - Wild Card

The Dirty Dozen.

Only twelve remain, the vast majority of them Pool veterans who know how to manage their playoff picks. Still, a few newbies looking to spoil the party. Back Nine Ben elected to roll with the Raiders, but it mattered not given his multiple Lions selections in previous weeks.

Ber and Her declined my generous dollars-for-life offer and still rolls on without defeat. The pressure is mounting and everyone feels it -- one small mistake spells doom. Four still carry the Swami Hex ... Mr. T and I both very much pity those fools, for they have already lost, they just don't know it yet.

That is all.

The Root of the Taunt of the End of the Regular Season

Ladies and gentlemen, the cream has risen.

We bid adieu to the Swami himself, as well as more than a score of others since the last post; the Chargers struck once more, and brought along the Titans, Bucs, Redskins, and Rams to decimate the remaining field.

Week Sixteen was not sweet at all, a true Reaper's Delight; only six were unscathed. Week Seventeen three more bit the dust, Swami Pool veterans all, scalped and left for dead by those vicious politically incorrect Native Americans. Ze German shed a few tears on your behalf, I am sure.

End of Regular Season Statistics
202 participants
1 undefeated
12 with one loss
189 deceased

You will notice that only one participant remains undefeated ... well, actually technically two: Ber and Her, take a bow. This pleasant pairing of Westmac of old owns the top spot and is the only team to walk through the regular season unblemished. This has happened a handful of times before ... and usually in this case the reality show producer in me rears his beautiful and slightly ugly head.

Therefore, Ber and Her, I will offer to purchase one life from you for $400. That's right, if you take a loss right now and enter the playoffs with an even playing field, you will pocket $400 of pool winnings. You have until close of business on Friday to decide. Check back here to see if they took the deal. Is a bird in the hand really worth it? Ber and Her will answer that age-old question by Friday.

You will also note in viewing the spreadsheet that only three participants remain who still have the Swami Hex upon them; all others have fallen. I would be very concerned at this point if I was Mr. Mister, The Missing Link, and Back Nine Ben. The Hex is still upon you and only rolling with the Dolphins this weekend will remove the curse.

Playoff Rules Reminder: You may pick any team you either (1) did not use during the regular season or (2) picked between weeks one and nine. You may not use a team twice in the playoffs. Please remember that the pairings may shuffle in round two of playoffs depending on who wins (the NFL reseeds).

The cream has risen. The noose tightens further. Ber and Her is on the clock.

That is all.

The Root of the Week XVI

'Tis the night before the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature is stirring, not even Phillip Rivers, who is silent and unmoving upon his one knee. Why only take one knee?

Not to protest America's excellence, nay. Phillip is too classy for that; besides,e does not have the hair or ink to rival the Kaep.

Phillip is praying, and praying hard. There are several riding Chargers on the road against winless Cleveland -- always a risky play, playing a team on the road, made even more dangerous what with the Browns still searching for their first victim. Still, the Swami dares to live dangerously.

Can you believe the Chargers, Titans, and Rams are the popular picks? This is what happens when you get down toward the bottom of the available teams; chaos, pure and simple.

Pray for the Chargers to find there way forward once.

That is all.

                                                                

Friday Taunt XV

Every year, there is a cross check. This is when I go through the pool spreadsheet and double check for any errors, double ups, misprints, etc. I usually wait until there are less than 20 people in the pool, because honestly why worry about it until then, but courtesy of the Colts losing (not winning) in Week 14 and the efforts of Mr. Midnight Moons, and the fact that we still have 30+ people alive with only two weeks to go (which might be a record), the cross check has happened.

Some participants got blasted up against the boards.

Which is why, despite no losses in Week 15, we find a few of our fellow departed to bring our number down to 34. 34 brave souls remain. It would've been more had the Jags not choked away their almost-win, but such is the way of the pool this year. Too many near misses to count.

Weekend Statistics
202 participants
11 undefeated
23 with one loss, including Swami
168 deceased

The noose tightens. Onward we go.

That is all.

The Root of the Friday Taunt XIV

'Tis a double post this fine Friday evening, as is usually the case when the post comes out late. 'Tis the season for so much to do and so little time. We begin with a spin traveling in a world of my creation, as we discuss one single solitary individual who once ascended the heights, and now has fallen.

My friends, El Hefe has left us. He of shoot-from-the-hip faith went prospecting in the hills with them there forty-niners, and found only one good reason to take a knee: his second loss. We bid him adieu in 40th place.

As for the rest, little change. Everyone else was successful. The Lions and Bears threatened to make the Reaper work a bit, oh my, but proved as anti-climatic as the Wizard himself.

And so we turn our attentions from the Taunt portion to the Root portion, given that the weekend is upon us already and my schedule is fuller than John Stamos' house -- which brings us to the three lovely ladies getting their groove on up top.

Can you pay my bills? Can you pay my telephone bills? Can you pay my automo-bills? If Sexy Rexy pays my bills maybe then in Week 15 we can chill. Until then, like Lunchmoney Lewis, I got bills.

That is all.

The Root of the Week XIV

'Tis an early Saturday post on this fine Saturday morning, as the Swami is out of commission this evening and away from any semblance of wi-fi. If I am eaten by an African rhebok and can no longer run the pool, I apologize. You'll be fine.

That strange feeling in your chest? It is pressure, the pressure that comes with surviving this long -- Week the Fourteenth -- and knowing that one false move ends the big dance. Only a few have the luxury of a spare loss waiting in the wings, the majority are dancing on just one leg.

There are no great choices. It seems Detroit will be a popular pick, at home this week, although it is a divisional game and the Barkley Bears have shown a little life of late. The Swami, however, will turn to Julio. When in doubt, Julio. What would Julio do? When life gives you lemons, Julio. Why did the chicken cross the road? Julio. How are babies made? Julio.

Julio is the answer to every question this week. The Dirty Birds for the road win.

That is all.

Friday Taunt XIII

Marino Week always treats the Swami well. Others, not so much. The Reaper returned from his (her?) vacation in Week 12 to wreak havoc once more upon the masses, lulling you all into Saintly submission and watching your agonizing cries of defeat as an organic Berry rolled downfield for an extra pair of points.

All in all, we had 33 Week 13 losers on six different teams.

The noose tightens and the cream will rise to the top. There are only four weeks left in the regular season and I think it is safe to say we will return to the playoffs this season, so plan your picks and make your choices accordingly.

Week 14 Statistics
202 participants
12 undefeated at 13-0
28 with one loss at 12-1
162 deceased

PS - This is literally the greatest photo I have ever posted. This is not one of my recurring photos forever. The Hex still grips a few undefeateds; I would be very afraid.

That is all.

The Root of the Week XIII

I am not quite sure if the image above is adorable or frightening, but for the purposes of this post, I will count it adorable as I say to myself, who can resist such an adorable face?

I cannot, and therefore I will roll with Lambeau in December and the rejuvenated arm of Aaron Rodgers. Packers for the win, says the Swami.

Picks are all over the board this week, we most certainly not emerge unscathed as a group. Saints, Broncos, Falcons, Cardinals, Steelers, Bengals, and Packers, and who knows who else.

A special shout out in this Week Thirteen to #13 himself, Mr. Marino, who always sees me through safely to the following week, provided I've made it this far in the first place.

Good luck to you all, and may the adorablest participant win.

That is all.

Friday Taunt XII

It was a very Happy Thanksgiving Holiday weekend for all except the Reaper, who sat at home and did literally nothing from Thursday to Sunday as all 62 participants emerged unscathed from Week 12. The Saints, Titans, Ravens, Cowboys, Bills, and Beloveds all won the hearts and minds of the masses this weekend past.

We now enter Marino Week, which has proven tricky for some in past seasons. I would be particularly scared if I was one of those still holding a Swami Hex card; some of you were taken off the Hex list for rolling Beloved last weekend. Double cheers, and an extra glass of champagne for you.

Onward we merrily roll with Danny Boy as our parade marshal.

That is all.

The Root of the Week XII

I once spent ten straight days and nights in a hotel five feet (literally) from Bourbon Street. There is little more about it to say in this space than this ... I survived.

I once spent ten weeks undefeated, but there was the one little thing with the Jets, but still ... I survived.

When we meet again in this space next week, and we discuss the weekend's shenanigans, and I mention how I once spent a weekend in the company of Saints, you can be sure the real root of the conversation will be this ... I survived.

That is all.