Surely the good lord would not interrupt the greatest season in the history of the Spawn's life? So sayeth she, and so sayeth the good Rev, as our fearless foursome marches forward into battle for the 20th time this season.
For those keeping track at home, the surviving group is collectively 76-4 in picking winners this 2014-15 NFL season. Those be some mighty fancy numbers, and that's why they survive, and you are sitting home on the couch watching.
The Spawn is unfazed by her ill fortune last week. She merrily rolls forwards with the weight of the world on her shoulders: Patriots, Colts, Packers, Seahawks. Who to choose, who to choose.
In classic Spawn style ... the Patriots. Onward.
That is all.
We are down to our final fantastic four.
By virtue of the egg-laying in Denver, we bid adieu to Monkey, Hitman, and J-Ro, as well as to the unscathedness of the Spawn. We have four left, all with one loss, as we move forward to the Conference Championship Round of the NFL playoffs. Only two more games remain in the 2015 season.
Four left: Shiner, Pillow, Junior, and the Spawn.
Only time will tell which of the four will claim the solo mantle, or if we push forward into another year with a shared championship. Flame on, folks, it's clobberin' time.
That is all.
The Spawn wants to get her Bronco on. That would sound wholly inappropriate if not for the fact that in NFL games this week, the Denver Mannings are hosting the Indianapolis Lucks. 'Tis a clash between old and new, past and future, all swirling in a vortex of present intrigue.
She is not alone in her Bronco love: J-Ro and the Hitman are also riding the horse this weekend. Junior stands alone (for now) on the Seattle Wilsons. Shiner and Pillow are on the Green Bay Rodgers.
We await the pick of Monkey. This blog will be updated as those picks come in. In the words of another famous Bronco: Dalo Por Hecho. Consider it done.
That is all.
Alright, everyone, it's time to put on that serious face.
The Wild Card weekend was extremely uneventful after the Cowboys finally showed up to play, roundabout the fourth quarter, and as a result all seven participants emerge unscathed to do battle in the Divisional Round.
We have four games going this weekend, a slate of quality teams in play. Will the 2014 Suicide season reach the 2015 Super Bowl? The answers are soon to come. Only the Spawn remains undefeated, but there are six worthy men and women striving as hard against the siren song of the Reaper -- enough for anyone to warrant a little serious.
That is all.
Let the days of chaos reign. Let the playoff battle begin.
It has come down to this, the final four-week stretch for just seven remaining participants. Six of the picks are in: we have Monkey and Pillow on the Panthers, with Shiner, J-Ro and Junior on the Cowboys. The sixth pick is the Spawn's, who also rests in the long grass with Carolina and hopes the old axiom of the home team holds true. We await the Hitman's selection.
In the time honored tradition of those who battle fiercely for their own survival, those who are about to die salute you.
That is all.
Only the best of the best make the playoffs. Some are bloodied, some are bruised, even those who manage to get through undefeated come not without scars of their own. For instance this 2014 year, the Spawn has won five different weeks with her chosen team down double digits near or at half-time. We saw it once again this weekend with the Saints. Our Texans friends also survived a significant scare.
We do bid adieu to Wick & Chick, whose glorious run ended with the shooting of their Falcons down out of the sky. The Panthers used a cannon, not a pistol, so at least there was not too much pain.
And so on we merrily roll this Holiday Season into the playoffs, which we reach with seven surviving participants: Hitman, Pillow Connoisseur, Shiner, Junior, J-Ro, Monkey, and of course the unscathed Spawn of Swami.
For those remaining, a playoffs primer:
# - You must pick one team each remaining week: the Wild Card round this coming weekend, the Divisional Round, the Championship Round, and the Superbowl if we make it that far. In total, you will have four selections left to make.
# - You may use any team not selected during the regular season, as well as any team used during Weeks 1-9 of the regular season, but starting now any team from that group used may not be used again for the rest of the season.
# - As far as the payout goes, we will wait and see how the remaining participants fare after the first weekend. We will not payout all seven unless all seven make it successfully past the Superbowl. We paid out five people last year based on how things finished, we paid out three the year before, and we have had seasons where only one or two get paid out. It is all dependent upon how things finish. If there is a tie, the pot will be split.
The schedule for this first Wild Card weekend is as follows:
Saturday, Jan. 3
NFC: No. 5 Arizona Cardinals at No. 4 Carolina Panthers, 1:35 p.m. PST (ESPN)
AFC: No. 6 Baltimore at No. 3 Pittsburgh, 5:15 p.m. PST (NBC)
Sunday, Jan. 4
AFC: No. 5 Cincinnati at No. 4 Indianapolis 10:05 a.m. PST (CBS)
NFC: No. 6 Detroit at No. 3 Cowboys 1:40 p.m. PST (Fox)
Good luck to all remaining participants. May the Best of the Best of the Best win it all.
That is all.
Which way to go, which way to go? The participants have separated on this excellent Week 17.
No frills, no preamble. The Spawn places her faith in the heavens and rides the Saints. A quartet on the Texans. One flying with the Falcons. One mans a Viking vessel. One pick still to come in as of this posting.
On our eight-pack merrily rolls.
That is all.
And then there was one.
I am not entirely sure how to process the facts as currently situated; these are some uncharted Suicide Pool waters following a 50/50 Week Sixteen. Here are the important facts for those still following this topsy-turvy, slightly ridiculous season of NFL action:
# - Six participants took losses this past weekend, including two of the three remaining undefeateds.
# - There are eight souls left alive, only one undefeated.
# - The Spawn of Swami is the only undefeated.
# - The Spawn is a nine-year-old girl.
A recap of Thursday afternoon, which mirrors a once-a-week conversation held every week of the NFL season beginning after Week 7, when the Spawn took control of her own destiny:
Swami: "Alright, you are still undefeated. The three best choices this week are the Jaguars, who play tonight, and the Bills and the Rams, who play on Sunday. We cannot pick our Beloveds because we have used them already."
Spawn: "Jaguars, Bills, or Rams?"
Swami: "Jaguars, Bills, or Rams are the best choices. There are others if you want them."
Spawn: "No. I'll take the Jaguars. My friend and I are going to go play with our American Girl dolls."
And there you have it. Three options each week, and each week thus far she has chosen wisely ... and that positions her as the sole remaining undefeated going into the last week of the regular season. Eat your heart out, Walter Donovan.
That is all.
Last year, en route to his first Top Five finish in the Suicide Pool, the Swami took a flying leap, picking the 0-9 Jaguars of Jacksonville to beat the Titans of Tennessee. 92 participants were riding the Titans, who lost.
This year, en route to her own spectacular finish, the Spawn of Swami takes a flying leap of her own, picking the Jacksonville Jaguars to once again beat the Tennessee Titans. Will lightning strike twice? Can the Swami Spawn catch it in a bottle once again?
Find out in about fifteen minutes, when the game kicks off on Thursday Night Football.
That is all.
It has come down to our final twelve ... and they are so very, very dirty. You do not reach this far into the season without getting those hands at least a little grimy, and our own version of the Dirty Dozen has done just that.
We lost one Amazing participant this past weekend on the unamazing arm of the now-benched Mr. Cutler. When you get benched in favor of a Golden Dome quarterback, you know things are bad.
Week Fifteen Statistics
192 participants
3 undefeated
9 with one loss
180 deceased
'Tis a fine and merry gathering. Here's hoping we all turn out like Wladlislaw.
That is all.
