Ladies and gentlemen, we have arrived at the end of the line. The longest yard. The end of the road. The last full measure. The final hour. All of it means and all of it leads back to the same place: Glendale, Arizona.
The Suicide Pool has reached the Super Bowl for the third time in five years. This year, certainly, was the most dramatic, with the number of wins in crazy fashion (most recently as evidenced in Packers-Seahawks, which saw the dreams of one participant fade and the lives of two others continue magically on) too numerous to count.
Four remain alive, but that is mere technicality --- poor Junior is left with no team to select this weekend, what with the Seahawks coming back --- which leaves three possible winners. The two possible outcomes:
Seahawks Win ... The Spawn wins the entirety of the Pool outright.
Patriots Win ... Pool veterans Shiner and Pillow split the championship.
It has come down to this. For those watching at home, we have but eight short months to the return of NFL Suicide Pool 2015. I am counting down the days.
That is all.
Surely the good lord would not interrupt the greatest season in the history of the Spawn's life? So sayeth she, and so sayeth the good Rev, as our fearless foursome marches forward into battle for the 20th time this season.
For those keeping track at home, the surviving group is collectively 76-4 in picking winners this 2014-15 NFL season. Those be some mighty fancy numbers, and that's why they survive, and you are sitting home on the couch watching.
The Spawn is unfazed by her ill fortune last week. She merrily rolls forwards with the weight of the world on her shoulders: Patriots, Colts, Packers, Seahawks. Who to choose, who to choose.
In classic Spawn style ... the Patriots. Onward.
That is all.
The Spawn wants to get her Bronco on. That would sound wholly inappropriate if not for the fact that in NFL games this week, the Denver Mannings are hosting the Indianapolis Lucks. 'Tis a clash between old and new, past and future, all swirling in a vortex of present intrigue.
She is not alone in her Bronco love: J-Ro and the Hitman are also riding the horse this weekend. Junior stands alone (for now) on the Seattle Wilsons. Shiner and Pillow are on the Green Bay Rodgers.
We await the pick of Monkey. This blog will be updated as those picks come in. In the words of another famous Bronco: Dalo Por Hecho. Consider it done.
That is all.
Let the days of chaos reign. Let the playoff battle begin.
It has come down to this, the final four-week stretch for just seven remaining participants. Six of the picks are in: we have Monkey and Pillow on the Panthers, with Shiner, J-Ro and Junior on the Cowboys. The sixth pick is the Spawn's, who also rests in the long grass with Carolina and hopes the old axiom of the home team holds true. We await the Hitman's selection.
In the time honored tradition of those who battle fiercely for their own survival, those who are about to die salute you.
That is all.
Which way to go, which way to go? The participants have separated on this excellent Week 17.
No frills, no preamble. The Spawn places her faith in the heavens and rides the Saints. A quartet on the Texans. One flying with the Falcons. One mans a Viking vessel. One pick still to come in as of this posting.
On our eight-pack merrily rolls.
That is all.
And then there was one.
I am not entirely sure how to process the facts as currently situated; these are some uncharted Suicide Pool waters following a 50/50 Week Sixteen. Here are the important facts for those still following this topsy-turvy, slightly ridiculous season of NFL action:
# - Six participants took losses this past weekend, including two of the three remaining undefeateds.
# - There are eight souls left alive, only one undefeated.
# - The Spawn of Swami is the only undefeated.
# - The Spawn is a nine-year-old girl.
A recap of Thursday afternoon, which mirrors a once-a-week conversation held every week of the NFL season beginning after Week 7, when the Spawn took control of her own destiny:
Swami: "Alright, you are still undefeated. The three best choices this week are the Jaguars, who play tonight, and the Bills and the Rams, who play on Sunday. We cannot pick our Beloveds because we have used them already."
Spawn: "Jaguars, Bills, or Rams?"
Swami: "Jaguars, Bills, or Rams are the best choices. There are others if you want them."
Spawn: "No. I'll take the Jaguars. My friend and I are going to go play with our American Girl dolls."
And there you have it. Three options each week, and each week thus far she has chosen wisely ... and that positions her as the sole remaining undefeated going into the last week of the regular season. Eat your heart out, Walter Donovan.
That is all.
Last year, en route to his first Top Five finish in the Suicide Pool, the Swami took a flying leap, picking the 0-9 Jaguars of Jacksonville to beat the Titans of Tennessee. 92 participants were riding the Titans, who lost.
This year, en route to her own spectacular finish, the Spawn of Swami takes a flying leap of her own, picking the Jacksonville Jaguars to once again beat the Tennessee Titans. Will lightning strike twice? Can the Swami Spawn catch it in a bottle once again?
Find out in about fifteen minutes, when the game kicks off on Thursday Night Football.
That is all.
And so open here I fling the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter, in there steps a raven of the saintly days of yore.
And this raven, never flitting, still with patient perch is sitting, on the gleaming statue of the Swami by the door.
And his eyes have all the seeming of that Swami who is dreaming, of the spawn and wife who family mantle burdens bore,
And this raven still beguiling all my fancy into smiling, on this night shall ease their plight, and bear them past Week Four*.
That is all.
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*The Spawn and Factor, and whole lot of other people.
