Everyone loves this time of year in football. As Outkast tells us, the world in September is "so fresh and so clean clean." It is glorious time, full of new beginnings and new hopes and dreams. As I myself said last year at this time, there is magic in the air -- the kind of magic only the fall can bring.
Ladies and gentlemen, glorious individuals, heroes, villains, lovers, and friends, I bid you welcome once more to the halls of the Swami Pool. Allow myself to introduce myself, your host, the mischievous, oft-villainous, perhaps murderous, always iniquitous Swami of House Me, first of my name.
Ladies and gentlemen, glorious individuals, heroes, villains, lovers, and friends, I bid you welcome once more to the halls of the Swami Pool. Allow myself to introduce myself, your host, the mischievous, oft-villainous, perhaps murderous, always iniquitous Swami of House Me, first of my name.
Most of those who partake this year are returners, and as such returners know well the Two Staples and Five Rules of the Swami Pool. The Rules are there to help and guide you, to assist you in your significant quest to stay one step ahead of the Reaper himself, who always and ever lurks in the shadows, awaiting your falter. But how, you say, how best to avoid the black-cloaked scythe-wielder? How best to ensure you are the one left standing when the dust settles?
The Five Rules hope to guide you through to the promised land. Rules are made to be broken, 'tis true, and more rules than one cares to admit will be broken this weekend -- even more than last season, which sought to set a record -- but still you must know them, still you must lay your head on the pillow and remember them, still you must strive to let them keep you safe.
The Five Rules for making selections in the Swami Pool are as follows: (1) Never pick a road team; (2) Never pick a team playing a team within its own division; (3) Never pick the Chargers prior to Week Six; (4) Never pick the same team with all five of your entries; and, most importantly, (5) Never pick against the Swami's orange and aqua Beloveds, lest you risk the Swami Hex. Know ye, and remember: it is written in sand and stone and fire that no participant who picks the Dolphins to lose shall ever win the Suicide Pool.
The Five Rules hope to guide you through to the promised land. Rules are made to be broken, 'tis true, and more rules than one cares to admit will be broken this weekend -- even more than last season, which sought to set a record -- but still you must know them, still you must lay your head on the pillow and remember them, still you must strive to let them keep you safe.
The Five Rules for making selections in the Swami Pool are as follows: (1) Never pick a road team; (2) Never pick a team playing a team within its own division; (3) Never pick the Chargers prior to Week Six; (4) Never pick the same team with all five of your entries; and, most importantly, (5) Never pick against the Swami's orange and aqua Beloveds, lest you risk the Swami Hex. Know ye, and remember: it is written in sand and stone and fire that no participant who picks the Dolphins to lose shall ever win the Suicide Pool.
*Week One 2017 Caveat: this week deserves to have its own caveat. There are no easy matchups and the NFL schedulers have seen fit to have many, many divisional matchups -- more than we have seen in Week One in a long time. Week One is always tough -- case in point, many participants crashed and burned already on the Patriots on Thursday night (no one apparently remembered that the Chiefs were an extremely popular Week One pick last season). But the action otherwise is all over the place.
The Two Staples of the Suicide Pool are the Root of the Week and the Taunt. In the former, the Swami lays down his own weekly pick in advance of Sunday play, as well as the trending popular selections (and while the NFL has dropped Roman Numerals, not so shall the Swami's Root). In the latter, he taunts all those who perished the weekend prior with a mid-week blog post and group email. The Swami, you will come to know, loves chaos, and relishes it.
Rules are made to be broken, however -- and while the Swami breaks far fewer Rules than any other, Week One will need to invoke the Caveat. Swami, and indeed the whole Swami Clan, will be breaking Rules right along with the rest of the masses.
Swami and the Spawn will take Pittsburgh, as we go all-in on Steel Town and entirely against the lowly Land of Cleve, Darth and the Factor will fly with the Dirty Birds to best the Hibernating Bears, and our newest participant Avery of Avalor will shine her princess light on JJ Watt and the Lonestar flag. Because Blake Bortles.
And so, once more without further ado, I declare this newest season of the Swami Pool officially open.
That is all.
That is all.
