Wednesday Taunt XII

And then there were six.

There is a new saying in the Suicide Pool: "Beware the double digits."

Since the turning of the Weeks from one digit to two, it has nothing short of sheer chaos and devastation for the masses. It has been destruction on an unparalleled scale. A pox be on some houses, methinks.

The Reaper is beside himself. After a mid-season stretch with almost nothing to do, he has scythed at a record-breaking rate. Over the past three weeks, the participants have made 159 individual team selections; 36 have survived. For those who like percentages, that's less than a 23% win rate.

We've gone from 93 living at the start of Week 10 . . . to a scant little six pack as we enter the Week of Marino. Let us take a moment to meet the glorious few: Hollandia, a veteran of Suicide; The Holy Light, one of the esteemed and light in the dark; The Lebanator, the sexiest advanced robot this side of the middle east; Pillow Connoisseur, he of the fine downy swath; DADY 03, the third but strongest of his brood; and last but perhaps not least, yours truly rounds out the field.

Week 12 Stats
160 participants
0 undefeated
6 with one loss
154 deceased

It seems clear at this point that we will likely not make the playoffs, but one never knows. With six remaining, none yet have made the money, so the pressure mounts and the noose tightens as we enter Week 13. Who will rise? Who will fall? Will the Swami outlast them all? You cannot win your own pool, but that does not excuse the attempt.

That is all. 

The Root of the Week XII

"Alea Iacta Est."

Yes, my friends, the die is cast. There is not turning back, and the end of this Suicide season will come now only after long struggle and much devastation.

Do not make the mistake of taking this point lightly; others have done so, and others have perished. Cast your dice in the face of suffering and prepare yourself for the unknown tumbling, for there can be no controlling them once they leave your hand. Tumble they will, and tumble true, but the truth may not be that which you envision.

And so in Week Twelve, as 133 participants watch from the safety of their homes, licking their wounds as they begin the countdown to 2014, I ask those who remain to stand boldly, and proudly, and cast in their lots.

My own lot lies with Poe this week, who as in years past has granted use of those immortal words: "And so open here I fling the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter, in there steps a Raven of the yesteryears of yore . . ." Yes, I return to Baltimore to make my mark, while the masses are most heavily upon the Texans (at 2-9) and the Lions of Detriot. Good luck to all, and to all a good night.

Alea Iacta Est, and greatness awaits.

That is all.

Friday Taunt XI

The Reaper has been active of late. Twelve felt the sharp of the scythe, not to mention a pair of undefeateds who were nicked for the first time.

Beware, those who remain. The Reaper is on a roll, and knows the masses are running scared. Week Twelve brings little relief, and little sanctuary.

Week Eleven Stats
160 participants
2 players at 11-0
25 with one loss
133 deceased

Fortune favors the bold. The golden chalice awaits. It's time to cast the dice.

That is all.

The Root of the Week XI

After last week's Cinderella story, and given the Cards are lean, mean, and not too far between, I felt it fitting to add a little Spackler to the pages of Suicide---and after last week's drubbing of the masses, a little ball wash couldn't hurt anyone, either.

Kickoff is a few minutes away, so it's a light Root this week; I am exhausted reading all the pithy commentary in your emails from Week 10. I do enjoy it, however, even if I do not respond, so keep the dialogue coming.

The Texans have a lot of action, the Bengals have a lot of action, and the Cardinals as well. The Lions, Eagles, Giants, and Chargers also have a little love from the participants this week. Another plum opportunity for the Reaper . . . we will see if he is still fat and happy from Week 10.

That is all.

Friday Taunt X

Was it as good for you as it was for me?

In truth, there are so many avenues to take in commentating upon the massive, glorious destruction of Week 10, I am having a hard time knowing where to begin.

First, for those of you who have emailed me with pithy comments of your own, asking for major upsets to get this pool rolling . . . well, you got it.

The Reaper has been sitting on the sidelines all season, licking his wounds and licking his chops, and "X" certainly marked the spot: 86% of the pool lost this past weekend. It shall be noted in the record books as the single worst week in the history of the Suicide Pool, from a sheer percentage perspective. The Reaper, let's just say, is fat and happy and sidelined no longer. Other numbers of note: 80 participants took a loss, 70 were on the Titans, 54 were eliminated entirely, and 26 took their first loss.

Week 10 Stats
160 participants
121 deceased
80 week 10 losers
35 with one loss
4 undefeated

Which brings us to our second point this morning: the Mount Rushmore of 2013. There are only four undefeateds remaining, three Suicide veterans and a rookie. Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to Hollandia, Father Franz, The Lebanator, and the Holy Light, your four remaining undefeateds. There are 35 one-lossers joining them, which puts us at 39 total. Congrats to those who survived the brutality of Week 10.

Lastly, and most importantly, I refer back to the first line of this post. It was one of the most glorious weeks in general for yours truly, the Swami, given how much I enjoy chaos, but compounded by the thrill of victory whilst flying in the face of logic and reason. Special shout out to Ford Model P, who also flew close to the sun and did not get burned. The Jaguars are our new favorite team.

Good luck participants as we enter the home stretch. The noose tightens and the cream rises, and when the dust settles, will you be the one left standing?

That is all.

The Root of the Week X

It is often the case, in life and in football, when the expected path is the safest. This is why, for instance, we see pro football coaches punt the ball away time and again on 4th-and-inches; you rarely get overt criticism for taking the safe route. In Week Ten of the 2013 NFL Suicide Pool season, the safest bet is the Titans of Tennessee.

There comes a time, however, every so often in the life of a man, when another path must be taken. I am reminded of Frost, who took the road less traveled, which made all the difference. This is why, for instance, we see coaches like Sean Payton attempt onside kicks in the Superbowl---and win---or why each week we get a handful of anti-establishment participant selections---in hopes of the heavy scythe. This week, Week the Tenth of 2013, the New York Football Giants represent the anti-establishment pick.

But there is another poem, far less well known, written in parody and satire of Frost, with wisdom in spades which it carries as follows:

"Two roads diverge in a frosty wood,

And I, who know them not of my design,

Reject them both to forge a new one;

Not one to travel once traveled-by ways,

The path I travel is mine: the true one."

The Swami is not one to travel once traveled-by ways. The Swami always follows his own design. His path is always the true one. Which is why, in this Tenth Week of the Year Two Thousand Thirteen, he will take neither of two roads presented, and instead take a massive flying leap from the heights of the tallest of all cliffs.

There is sparkling water below, but whether Swami clears the jagged rocks that lie waiting to splash down in that sweet blue splendor is as yet undetermined, and the Reaper likes his odds. Still, it cannot be helped. The path ahead is clear.

The Swami picks the Jacksonville Jaguars to win in Week 10.

That is all.

Friday Taunt IX

Finally, some action.

By virtue of Saints and Packers and Raiders and Chargers, twenty participants took losses in Week Nine, the most in some time. Fifteen of these were second losses, which means we bid adieu to fifteen of our fellows.

Which means 67 have dearly departed.

We are well behind our normal pace for this time of year. In 2012, there were a scant 42 left alive at this time. In 2011, 53 were still standing. In 2010, 57 survived to double digits.

Weekend Stats
160 participants
30 undefeated at 9-0
63 with one loss at 8-1
67 deceased
20 week eight losers

But now the gloves come off as we enter Week Ten. Henceforth, every team is burned and cannot be used again. The Jaguars will get their one win, and many of you will go down when it happens. The Reaper is waiting.

That is all.

The Root of the Week IX

You cannot win your own pool. This is one of the laws of higher pool operation, number twelve I think. Law #12 - You cannot win your own pool.

I run a Suicide Pool and a March Madness Pool, and it's been years since I've won either outright. Several years ago I did win March Madness, and pool participation dropped by 25%. People like fine commentary, witty dialogue, the occasional political or social reference, and excellent competition. They don't like winners.

I used to run a Bowl Pool, too, but every year I was in the top five, and the pressure proved too intense. It's difficult rooting for yourself to lose. So I gave up on the Bowl Pool, and now just enter the one run by the Hooded Fiend. Side note: it's excellent by the way, let me know if you want details.

In any event, you cannot win your own pool. But at the same time, I cannot lose intentionally. So roundabout Week Nine, roundabout now, Swami starts taking some chances with his picks. For those who don't know, the Swami accounts for three: Swami Me (the Swami), Swami Spawn (the Swami's kids), and the Factor (the Swami's woman). Heretofore, we have all ridden lock step, faltering in just one week. 

Most participant money is on the Cowboys this week, with the Patriots and Packers following behind, plus a smattering of Saints and Seahawks for those who have them left. There are also a select handful on the Panthers, which leads us to the photo.

Newton tastes good.

Clan Swami will split for the first time this season, and we are breaking rules all over the place. Mark me down for the Panthers, the Factor for Saint Diego, and the Spawn for the Saints. It is highly unlikely we all survive. Law #12, you know.

That is all.

Friday Taunt VIII

This is what happens when everyone wins. Swami gets bored, Swami falls asleep, and you get no Taunt until Friday.

I hope you're happy with yourselves.

Not one person succumbed this week to the sharp of the scythe, and the Reaper is not happy. He is quite agitated, actually, and as such I fear for you all.

Now, logistics: this week, Week Nine, represents your last opportunity to select a team you will be able to reuse in the playoffs. Beginning next week, Week Ten, any team selected the rest of the year is burned up for good. This makes the Reaper very, very happy. He expects great and glorious chaos this week, what with Jacksonville on the Bye.

Week Eight Stats
160 participants
109 winners
0 losers

I have to go back to sleep now. All this participant winning is exhausting. Let's all come together and put a little life back into this thing in Week Nine; I've had quite enough self-entertainment, thank you very much.

That is all.