Tuesday Taunt XVI

 

Midnight strikes, and Cinderella loses her slipper: El Doctor is dead.

Twas the Falcons did him in, on the Monday back-up default. The storied streak and the novel approach ends, fruitless . . . but for his own enjoyment, and the enjoyment of the many merry men and women who tracked it over sixteen glorious weeks. Mad Dog joins him on his way out the door, frothing at the mouth over the scalpless 'Skins.

We reach the Final Four. Every man left makes a little money, though one will stand above the rest. There is still much to gain, and lose, on the first day of the new year, our two thousand twelfth. Happiness to you and yours, and wishes for a glorious coming 366.

That is all.

The Root of the Week XVI

The Sweet Six: Mad Dog, Luckstick, Nine Times, El Doctor, Chuck Dis, Friend O' Hard Hat.

Who will survive? Who will fall? Who shot Nice Guy Eddie?

The answers to these questions lurk at the end of the day: Panthers, Panthers, Titans, Redskins, Steelers, Falcons. The end draws nigh.


That is all.

The Root of the Taunt of the Week XIV

**Due to technical difficulties, of which I am still not entirely sure, the Saturday night Root of the Week posting did not publish to the site. As such, I've brought the Taunt out early this week to salve the burning rash that is the curiosity of the participants both surviving and deceased.

Two of the eight, one quarter of the field, fell over the weekend at the hands of the Titans and Giants. Vegas Hall Pass and J-Ro, we bid you adieu.

There is one participant still active: El Doctor, who rides his Monday default pick (49ers) for the thirteenth week straight. The winning picks were: Bengals, Saints, Cards, Cards, and Falcons.

We come down the home stretch of the season. The $64,000 question remains: will we make the playoffs for the fourth straight season? All will known in time.

That is all.

Tuesday Taunt XIV

If you're wondering about the photo, as well you should, it's about the most interesting thing I could come up with for this week---a week in which no one lost.

I googled "intrepid eight", hoping to find something to inspire our own intrepid eight surviving participants, and this is the first thing Al Gore's Internet gave me, so I ran with it.

And no, this is not a veiled indictment of my Beloveds' season.

That is all.

The Root of the Week XIV

As our intrepid eight prepare for battle on the eve of XIV, it is worth noting how utterly uncomfortable the group is. To come so far, perform so well, only to lose here at the tail end of the season with the finish line--and dollar bills--in sight, oh my, how depressing.

Anything could happen, anyone might win. The number of place payouts are by no means assured; you still might get nothing.

With that said, and considering the chaos of the year, please see the graph at left above to understand just how far our Participant Confidence Index has plummeted. Not as bad as Greece, but brutal all the same. 

As of this posting, five picks are in: Ravens, Ravens, Ravens, Jets, Steelers. Also, El Doctor continues his default pick strategy and will, given his history, roll with the Seahawks on Monday night. Will update live as more picks are received manana.

That is all.

Tuesday Taunt XIII

I'll admit it, I love this year. So much chaos, so much devastation, utterly unpredictable. It's much more exciting for participants when they go into weekends with no idea what to expect, rather than knowing with 99% certainty that their team will prevail.

It's glorious, and it continued in the Week of Marino. We lost another 11, more than half the field, leaving us with a hard eight remaining. 4 weeks left in the regular season, 8 participants alive---tenuously.

Will we reach the playoffs? Place your bets.

That is all.

The Root of the Week XIII

In this, the Week of Marino, one conclusion can be reached in sorting through the pithy commentary lobbed by the surviving participants as they submit their picks: no one is confident in their selection.

And yet, equally true is the fact that no one can look away.

We enter the home stretch of games, just a fist left before playoffs--which would be an absolute catastrophe if we got there, since everyone has thrown all playoff caution and strategy to the wind in hopes of survival.

This week, the action spreads around once again: the Cowboys, 49ers, Patriots, Broncos, and Bears. Additionally the magnificent El Doctor continues to ride his streak of default picks, now as actual official strategy instead of absentminded lethargy. It should be noted that this week his default pick is not Jacksonville, having used them already once this season. He therefore rides the Chargers on the road, which has been the downfall of so many over the years.

Will it be another "open the gates" week or our third round of utter devastation? Watch, if you dare.

That is all.

Tuesday Taunt XII

One loss. One.

In a year that has been so unpredictable, we fell into old routines in Week Twelve: the strong remain strong, very few losses by the best of the best, and the Chargers lose a home game they should win.

And take someone out in the process. Take a bow, J-Ro. You're no one in the Suicide Pool until you've been burned by the Chargers; it's like a rite of passage.

As for the rest of you, I wouldn't feel too bad for her--she still has two other entries left, and remains the odds-on favorite heading into the home stretch.

That is all.

The Root of the Week XII

As we enter the twelfth round, which, while not our last, does feature twenty battered and bruised participants, it is natural that we ask ourselves the following question:

Who will be the best of the best?

El Hefe is the leader at this point, by virtue of a winning Thanksgiving Day pick. He awaits those who will join him in Week Thirteen.

As for the rest, the heavy plays are the Falcons and Bengals, while there is also action on the Steelers, Chargers, Panthers, and Ravens. These are your teams to root for and against; at this point, every loss matters a great deal. The stress must be killer.

I'll say this, you've worked very hard. All of you. You've grown, as athletes and individuals. You've learned a lot. We've all learned a lot. As Miss Wade would say; a teacher also learns from his students. Today, you have the chance to be the greatest Suicide Pool participants in the world. It's up to you. If you give everything you've got, everything, you'll be winners. That I promise you. You can be the best of the best. 

That is all.

Tuesday Taunt XI

We have narrowed the field to the best of the best, the Top Twenty. Shack Mojo, Anonymous, and the Lebanator fall by the wayside for putting their money on the collective city of New York, leaving 20 participants in the battle of their lives.

Who will be crowned Suicide Champion 2011? When the dust settles and the sun sets on this schizophrenic season, we will have our answer.

Weekly Statistics

148 participants

20 with one loss

3 week eleven losers

128 deceased

On this wonderful week of the Giving of Thanks, I shall thank you all for joining our merry little pool, whether you lasted two weeks or twelve--or both, as in the case of Bro of Bea. While we likely will not get as deep into the season as in past years, this ride has been a virulent one. Here's to one final climb to the top of the roller coaster, one last breath before the plunge, and one final delirious drop.

That is all.

The Root of the Week XI

The noose tightens.

We entered Week Eleven with twenty-three participants left; not all of them survived to Sunday. The Shack Mojo is no mo' and Anonymous shall remain exactly that, brought to their unhappy end by the second coming himself, Tim Tebow.

Tebow Time? Carnage time.

The remaining 21 are scattered across a series of picks, with the 49ers and the Patriots getting the most play. Playoff strategy is out the window, it seems. The Lions, the Falcons, the Ravens, the Giants, and the Packers all have play to varying degrees.

Football Sunday is starting to carry significant weight. Good luck to those who remain. We enter sudden death overtime and every bounce of the ball can mean deliverance, or destruction.

That is all.

Tuesday Taunt X

There were any number of ways to go with my post this week, this beautiful, glorious week of absolute destruction.

There was the obvious, listing percentages as I am apt to do. Perhaps I mention that 83% of the pool lost in Week 10, blowing the devastation of Week Five right out of the water. Perhaps I make some funny comment about Week 10 doubling down on Week Five, or something of the like. Perhaps.

There was the cheesy, perhaps alluding to Week 10 marking the spot. A photo of a treasure chest, perhaps, or Indy looking down on a tiled floor in the middle of an old library. Perhaps.

There was the boastful, perhaps letting slip the fact that one of the big winning picks this week was my Beloveds, maybe with a photograph of Manager Lou Brown saying, "Now this is what we call a win streak." This would have left me quite happy, but perhaps not been the best route given the streak stands at two after seven consecutive twelfth letters. Perhaps.

There was the sly, perhaps dropping a photo of a .44 magnum into the post and letting you figure it out, to the delight of the NRA and the horror of the Factor and the rest of the anti-gun lobby. Perhaps.

In the end, it was decided to go none of those routes, and to let the results speak for themselves for once. 

Weekly Statistics

148 participants

0 undefeated at 10-0

23 with one loss at 9-1

125 participants dead

44 week ten losers

It was brutal, carnage on a scale only the Swami knows and loves, and as the dust settles we find ourselves with no one left unscathed, and less than two dozen participants left. We enter the home stretch of the season unlikely to reach the playoffs, and with a sudden death mentality for all those who remain.

One loss and you're done.

That is all.

The Root of the Week X

It seems there is a significant lack of confidence and belief in the playoff chances of the Eagles, as almost everyone is on them. Either that, or none of you know the rules.

For those reading this still confused, I will refer you to said rules, which explain in detail why you will never again be able to use the Eagles, if you took them this week.

Other popular choices include my Beloveds (amazingly), the Chiefs (shockingly), the Jaguars (boldly), and the Ravens and Packers, for those who do not think we will make it past Week Seventeen.

By the by, and on the subject of rules, Steve Miller does.

That is all.

Tuesday Taunt IX

Uncle Reaper wants you, and he got 27 of you this weekend past. It was glorious carnage, with the Eagles, Patriots, and Chiefs knocking 35% of the field into the loss column, 27 for the second and final time.

Weekly Statistics

148 participants

14 undefeated at 9-0

39 with one loss at 8-1

31 week nine losers

95 dead

So much for that long-gestating playoff strategy you concocted months back. You did not even make it to Week Ten.

For those surviving, the thrill is likely short-lived; the Reaper and I are good friends, having met in Week Seven, and he tells me he's hanging around for the bloodbath that will undoubtedly accompany Week Ten.

That is all.

The Root of the Week IX

I believe it was the Butterfly who said, "They passed down all the roads long ago, and the Red Bull ran behind them and covered their footsteps."

I also believe that none of you will take from the above quote what I wish you to, instead wondering why the Swami is talking about energy drinks. You're wrong, of course, but then again, you've been wrong before.

Well, all but 18 of you.

And so we come to Week Nine, which is particularly important given it is followed by Week Ten, which triggers the playoff team selection clause in the rules. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you deserve the Red Bull.

Speaking of, the vast majority have placed their eggs in the basket of a very ornery beast. It is half-red, half-blue, and wholly unpredictable. I suppose it makes no difference that a Blue Bull is not a bull at all; it's an antelope, and therefore exists only as prey for larger animals. Additionally, several Texas ranches offer nilgai as the prey in sport hunting. Karl Rove shot one. Just sayin'.

Now that the majority feels better about their pick, who should the majority root against? The Boys, naturally, and as usual. The Pats, who got their groove back with a late flurry of picks. The Dirty Birds, who have yet to win a big game all year. Plus a smattering of others, too minor to mention.

Here's hoping you and yours don't end up Haggard by the sea.

That is all.

Tuesday Taunt VIII

Week Eight Statistics

18 undefeated at 8-0

62 with one loss at 7-1

11 week eight losers

68 participants dead

In the immortal words of Johnny Five, "Yo. Yooooo!"*

Our little Suicide Pool rolls a natural in Week Eight and drop kicks the week's titular number from competition. The losses came courtesy mostly of the talented Saints of New Orleans, who were stunned by the previously winless Rams. I will remind everyone of the Swami's thoughts on picking against winless teams post Week Seven: DON'T DO IT.

There was one who heeded that call, having cast aside his preferred pick of the Saints in favor of the Ravens, only after recalling the sound words of Swami. Friend O' Hard Hat, we salute you.

*Yo or yo-leven is dicing lingo for a 6-5 split (rolling eleven). Feel free to use it in a sentence this week.

That is all.

The Root of the Week VIII

It's a quartet of teams on this, the eve of Hallo's Ween. No one seems particularly comfortable with their pick, given that the big choices are the 49ers (can anyone ever feel comfortable with Alex Smith), Ravens (really, after last week), Texans (up and down all decade), and Giants (already this season's biggest killer), with a smattering of Saints thrown in for good measure.

Only a handful of weeks left before you must begin picking ineligible playoff teams, and if you don't know what I'm talking about, you should've read the rules.

That is all.

Tuesday Taunt VII

Week Seven Statistics

148 participants

21 players at 7-0

67 with one loss only

8 week five losers

60 participants dead

In a week that sees both the Swami and Factor fall, new life is brought forth to keep them happy. Duality, even in football.

Except for El Doctor, of course. No duality there. Every man has a strategy; El Doctor's seems to be the Monday night home default pick. I thought this was the week his reign would end --- the Jags over the Ravens? Really? Yet the wisdom of El Doctor is proven right once again, and he rolls unscathed into Week Eight. 

Along with 20 others, to go with the 67 with one loss, leaving us with a healthy set of piano keys as we merrily continue on our way.

That is all.

The Root of the Week VII

I considered referencing the USC win over the golden dome in this post, to revel in the sweet smell of victory and the absurdity that was the 9 point dog-status of the Men of Troy, but since there are not really any Notre Dame fans in the pool -- or perhaps any left in general, outside the media -- I decided to refrain. Therefore, I shall not mention USC's two touchdown win.

What I will talk about, however, is Week Seven of the NFL season, which sees the vast majority of participants on either the Saints or the Cowboys, and sometimes both. A handful of other choices represent a tiny fraction (Packers, Ravens, Steelers, etc), but if you're rooting, I'd root for the one you did not choose.

As for myself, in the spirit of all things Troy, I shall root for the first time for a team who I've long not thought of with any form of affection, despite a period of time spent in my backyard. However, a few recent changes in management and a significant change under center, and suddenly the squad becomes a whole lot more palatable.

Therefore, on the bandwagon of the Silver and Black I go.

That is all.

Tuesday Taunt VI

Current Statistics

148 participants

22 players at 6-0

73 with one loss only

9 week six losers

53 participants dead

Not much of note in Week Six, despite several different teams on the docket for participants. Two minor upsets with the Saints and Lions took out nine of our faithful participants, seven for good.

This Taunt comes to you live, by the by, from the Labor & Delivery room of [redacted] Hospital, as the Swami's brood prepares to grow. For all you non-parents out there, you might want to watch out for Mr. Stork. He's a persevering chap.

That is all.

The Root of the Week VI

We've got money all over the place as the Suicide Pool makes it rain in Week Six. The big play seems to be the Jets. This is interesting for two reasons in particular: first, it's the Monday night game, which means participants will have to wait until Monday to learn their fate; and second, the Jets play my beloveds.

You know the Swami Rules to Suicide Success. I have outlined them in depth. However, there is another rule I have that goes into play after Week Five, and that is not to pick against winless teams. They are desperate and dangerous, and always win eventually (excepting Detroit circa '09). Additionally, the Fish have burned many participants over the years, and I'm thinking this week they will do the same. Good luck, Jets fans, and sleep soundly tonight knowing it will likely be your last.

As for the rest, the Steelers, Packers, Raiders, Ravens, Patriots, and Bengals all have some action. I'm thinking we won't see a massive loss like last week, but with so much variety, it's almost certain some of the upsets will come home.

Not for Swami, of course. Mark me down for Steel City and I'll see you in Week Seven.

That is all.

Tuesday Taunt V

"I looked, and there before me was a pale horse. Its rider was named Death."

It was carnage, utter and absolute; the single bloodiest weekend in the history of Suicide. 83 participants rode the Giants to their untimely demise, 92 took losses in total, and 37 perished for the second and final time. 102 remain alive, 78 with one loss.

For those keeping track at home, a full two-thirds (66%) lost in Week Five. After five weeks in, only 16% remain undefeated. No one with multiple entries remains unscathed. The theme of the season is destruction, devastation, chaos. If things keep up, I might very well have to offer a separate Second Chance Suicide Pool, just to keep the people happy.

I apologize for even mentioning the Swami Hex. It seems my powers are very great. I shall refrain from mentioning my love of all things carnage, and allow you, my participants, the space to make your own way. At least, for a couple weeks.

It will perhaps act as salve to know that I, too, suffered my first defeat, having placed my faith in Sam's Town when it should've been with Motor City. It will not soothe you to know that El Doctor, sometime contributor to this blog and he of a recently birthed second child, has fallen off the map since getting me his pick in the first week--and has subsequently gone 4-for-4 riding the Monday night home game default pick. He remains undefeated at 5-0, and will undoubtedly try to sell his entry in the near future.

Good luck to everyone this week, and I mean it truly. As much as I love carnage, I don't particularly want the pool to over by Week Ten.

That is all.

The Root of the Week V

Before we touch upon the breaking news, it behooves me to mention that the big bet this week is by far and away the New York Football Giants. For those of you on the Giants, feel free to root against the Patriots.

Now, on to the rest.

It's a sad day in the NFL, despite his naysayers. While I would never root for his team, and in later years he and his organization jumped the shark in ways not considered possible in professional sports outside the realm of Sterling, one cannot argue a legacy of success prior to the millenium turning and an indelible impact on the game. He will be missed by football people much smarter than I for a laundry list of accomplishments, and by the masses if at the very least for his draft day entertainment value. His passing is timely, too, given the selection of the Swami this week.

RIP, Al Davis.

RIP, Raiders.

That is all.

Tuesday Taunt IV

Week Four Stats

148 participants
80 undefeateds at 4-0
9 participants dead

Only eleven brave souls lost their lives in last weekend's action, a sad but not altogether unsurprising turn of events given the heavily favored Bays of Green and Tampa.

However, the Bye Week Window begins this week, which means there will be carnage moving forward. Oh yes, there will be.

That is all.

The Root of the Week IV

Down by Green Bay,
where the cheeseheads grow,
where Pabst Blue flows,
you all will go,
and if you do,
your Swami will say,
"Did you ever see a horse
trample Aaron Rodgers
down by Green Bay?"




Down by Tampa Bay,
where the old folks roam,
where the Rays call home,
you all will go,
and if you do,
your Swami will say,
"Did you ever see a stallion
stomp on a pirate
down by Tampa Bay?"

Down by the bayou,
where the bourbon flows,
where the Mardis grow,
the Swami goes,
and since I do,
the heavens will say,
"Let us all watch a Brees
throwing TD's
down by the bayou."

That is all.

Tuesday Taunt III

Week Three Statistics

148 participants

87 undefeated at 3-0

19 week three losers

5 participants dead

We did not see the kind of carnage this week that would traditionally accompany a Chargers-heavy selection load, which is disappointing. I shall take some solace, however, in knowing how mightily many of you were sweating in the fourth quarter of that contest, the mind running wild with thoughts of how the Chargers would "do it to you again" and blow a lead to a bad team on their home field.

It would have been glorious, truly.

Special props go to those who knew the risks, and still elected to give Norv's boys one more shot; Team Devastation, in particular, put a whole lot of eggs in one basket, a basket not known for its stability. Additional love and kudos to Brass Balls, who had a pair in picking the Raiders, as well as those select few who rode Cam Newton this week to the rookie's first win.

19 losses is not bad. Here's hoping Week Four is better.

That is all.

The Root of the Week III

Oh my, this could be good.

Right now, on the eve of our third week, considering the possibilities for tomorrow's carnage, it's like I'm in a glass case of emotion. I want to say something. I'm going to put it out there: if you like it, you can take it; if not, send it right back.

You people are all $&@%# nuts.

I have three rules in Suicide, as anyone who's entered the pool before knows: (1) do not pick a team to win on the road (2) do not pick a team to win against divisional foe (3) do not pick the Chargers to win before Week Seven.

Of these rules, #1 and #2 are really more like guidelines, as it would be nearly impossible to complete a season without breaking them. In fact, this week I'm breaking the first of those rules. But the one rule I've never broken, the one rule above all others which has proven true time and time again---and one good reason why I always make it past Week Six, at least---is #3. DO NOT PICK THE CHARGERS BEFORE WEEK SEVEN.

What's funny is that you all know this. You all know the Chargers begin every season 2-4, with at least one bad loss to one really bad team. Usually, the loss happens at home. And yet the vast majority has picked the Chargers this week, knowing full well the danger, even commenting pithily about nervousness and unease and uncertainly and doubt over the selection. The Bolts have KC at home, however, and should easily win.

Still, they won't.

The Chargers will lose and will take a massive chunk of people with them. Sure, there is action on the Pats, Steelers, Titans, and select others, but the Chargers have the lion's share---and it is my expectation that on the morrow, you Bolts-bearers will all be expressing your inner anguish through the majesty of song.

As for me, in an interesting coincidence, I'll repeat my pick from Week Three last year. Not because it makes for wonderful prose, the words of which I shall cut and paste below to plagiarize both myself and Poe, but because it makes decent sense, and there is no way in the name of whatever god it is you worship that my money will sit upon, beneath, or beside the Saint Diegoans prior to the passing of the sixth week.

"And so open here I fling the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter, in there steps a raven of the saintly days of yore, and this raven still beguiling all my fancy into smiling, on the morrow shall ease my sorrow, and take me straight into Week Four."

That is all.

Tuesday Taunt II

Perhaps my exuberance last week was premature. It seems that a great many of you took last week's historic opening round losses to heart, and diligently studied up this week.

That, or the group got really, really lucky. You can't put your money on the Steelers, Packers, Lions, Jets, Redskins, Giants, Cowboys, Bills, Broncos, and Patriots, have all of them win, and not be either (1) savvy and smart or (2) lucky and dumb.

A little bit of both, I guess.

As I mentioned in the update email, those of you who are new to the Suicide game will come to learn that, after weekends of competition such as the one recently concluded, I don't exactly bound out of bed in the morning to craft the weekly update. When only 2% of the active field loses, it makes for little fun for me.

It is worth noting that the Suicide Pool did claim its first victim this week, and that for the first time, only one lone participant was tossed out after two weeks: Bro of the Bea 04, take a bow; you are the Suicide Pool's Mr. Irrelevant for 2011. For some reason, I don't think Bro will be complaining---he's got four other picks to worry about. If you know Bro, however, and some of you do, feel free to heckle to your heart's content.

Back to the rest of you. To help ease my unhappiness over the weekend results, a flashback to a kinder, gentler time. So, Mr. Owl, the wisest of us all, how many losses were there in this second week of Suicide?

A one . . .
A two-hoo . . .
A tha-three . . .

A three.

That is all.

The Root of the Week II

On January 09 of this very year, as the NFL season and Suicide Pool were winding down, 89% of remaining participants rode the arm of Drew Brees in the stone-cold lock pick of the week: the Saints versus the Seahawks.

89% of remaining participants lost.

On September 18 of this very year, as the NFL season and Suicide Pool are ramping up, the vast majority of the participants have elected to ride the arm of Ben Nomeansyesesberger (despite that team coming off a 28-point loss to a hated division rival) in the stone-cold lock pick of the week: the Steelers versus the Seahawks.

I'm not one to live in the past, however, just to prognosticate the future . . . which is why I'm staying as far away from Pittsburgh as Seattle wants you to stay away from their city (google it, you can't make this stuff up).

Yes, the Swami and Factor broke out our little fondue set for the weekend, as we cast our collective lot with the cheese. Clay is a hungry, hungry man; methinks some smoked Cam is on the menu.

That is all.

Tuesday Taunt the First

And so the grand and glorious experiment that was 24 participants picking the Browns comes to a close on a hot, dry day in Cleve-Land.

"Unmitigated Disaster"
"It's Unanimous - That Game Was Lousy"

A pair of actual Ohio newspaper headlines, which tell you all you need to know. Of course, Browns people, it could've been worse -- you could've been routed 41-7, as were the 15 who rode the Chiefs into their own version of Wounded Knee.

All told, some 44 of the 107 entries guttered their opening frame, a full 40%.

For the newbies, this blog is the best place for fast information. Each weekend, I'll post the trending picks, as well as my own, and each week I'll post the results, usually on Tuesday (hence, the recurring title). I'll also email a spreadsheet each week, so you can keep track of your picks.

We're off and running, and as I am a particular fan of chaos when it comes to Suicide, here's hoping Week Two brings us the ability on this blog to allude to General Custer in some way, to follow the theme*.

Week One Results
147 participants
44 week one losers
103 undefeateds

Grand and glorious carnage; the Suicide Pool is back!

That is all.

*Custer was a Michigan man, so tread carefully, my lovelies, on Detroit this week.

The Root of the Week I

Hello, my beautiful people, my lovely degenerates, my faithful followers, and welcome once more to the hallowed halls of the Suicide Pool. It is time once again to sit and contemplate, now on the eve of battle, what it is that has brought us to this place, on this time, on this day, bearing witness to the beginning of a new season of glorious football chaos.

The answer is simple, of course: a new collective bargaining agreement. After months of great concern by the masses, many of whom emailed yours truly to voice and vent their concerns, we enter the new football season none the worse for wear---except Peyton Manning's neck, which has seen better days.

And in the grand tradition of the Suicide Pool, our first week is an all-out imbroglio: as many as thirteen teams have been selected by the masses, representing a full 40% of the league. We've got participants riding the fancies of the Texans, Browns, Cardinals, Chiefs, 49ers, Jets, Broncos, Eagles, Bills, and Ravens, with the first two the favorites of the bunch.

We've also got an already victorious Packer-backer, a series of those unwise enough to pick the Patriots of New Hoodie against my beloveds, and---most remarkably---a number of participants, some of them even some knowledgeable veterans, electing to roll the dice and ride the future Los Angeles Chargers. Clearly, such people do not pay attention, and do not know that the Chargers have been more responsible for Week One losses in the last five years than any other team. One of the unofficial Suicide Pool rules is actually "do not pick the Chargers before Week Six, since they are guaranteed to start the season 1-4". Good luck to you, people. By the by, for those wondering where the Swami allegiance lies, my own choice shall be the Birds of the Desert; the Kolb Bowl should make for some exciting viewing.

And so we have returned once more, myself as host of the Suicide Pool, you as its many loyal and degenerate participants and fans, and together we shall take our first steps down a familiar path---and yet the bends and twists of this coming season shall be new and exciting, and shall truly set the bar high.

And so, without further ado, I now declare this season officially open. Let's get ready to ruuuuuummmmbbbbblllleeeee . . . . .

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

That is all.

Are You Ready For Some Football?

Yes, my friends, the time has come once again, and the moment we have waited long, nerve-racking months for has arrived: the NFL Suicide Pool returns in 2011, courtesy of a new collective bargaining agreement, hosted by yours truly. And, once again, we expect to field our largest field ever this coming season.

For those with questions, this post shall serve as a reference for all Pool Rules and Regulations. NFL Suicide Pools have a simple premise: you pick the winner of one single NFL game each week (straight up, no point spreads) and if the team you choose wins their game, you advance to the next week. If your team loses, you take a loss, and in the Swami's Suicide Pool two losses eliminates you from competition. You may not pick the same team twice during the regular season (see below for special playoff rules). There are additional details, of course, which are outlined below, but the above is the general gist of things.
 
Participants are encouraged to read the following in its entirety, even those who are experienced Swami Suicide Pool veterans.

(1) Entries - Each participant may enter a minimum of one (1) and a maximum of five (5) entries. (2) Picks - You pick the winner of a single NFL game each week. No point spreads are involved, which means you pick the straight-up winner. Please note that ties count as losses. Kindly email your weekly picks to SwamiSuicidePool@gmail.com. (3) Deadline - You must get your pick in by the start of your chosen team’s game (kick-off). If you neglect to send a pick in a given week, the default pick is the home team for the Monday night game. If you have already used that team, the Monday night visiting team is your selection. If you have already used both teams, you lose. (4) Format - This is a double-elimination tournament; you are allowed one loss. Uno, dos, adios! (5) Disputes - If rule clarifications or amendments are required mid-season (unlikely) or in the event of disputes (also unlikely), all decisions made by the Swami are final. (6) Updates - An update email will be sent each week with the number of surviving players, the coming week's schedule of games, and pick selections from the previous weeks. The update will usually come on Tuesday, although the Swami reserves the right to stretch it later into the week, if needed. You can also check this blog for the update. (7) Playoffs - The playoff structure for 2011 is identical to the 2010 and 2009 formats. Starting in Week Ten (10) of the regular season, any team chosen by a participant is NOT eligible to be selected in the playoffs, where the standard Suicide Rules will apply (i.e. you select one team to win per weekend playoff round). Teams chosen in Weeks One thru Nine (1-9) will be available to be re-selected in the playoffs.

Kindly address questions to the Swami at SwamiSuicidePool@gmail.com.

Good luck to all participants! Hank would be so proud.

That is all.

Swami NFL Suicide Pool Final Standings

Ladies and gentlemen, friends and degenerates, we have found our champion for the 2010 Suicide Pool, and this champion is glorious.

Lady Lew the Younger, take a bow.

Nay, curtsy, for the Suicide Pool crowns its first female champion, giving hope to the feminine masses. It is also worth noting at this time, when much of the male populace is amusing slapping their collective foreheads at the thought of being bested by the opposite sex, that our winner is not only female . . .

She is also fourteen years old.

That sound you heard was the collective group falling over. Yes, my friends, Lady Lew the Younger is a 14-year-old girl, and she outlasted, outmaneuvered, outfoxed all comers, and carries home the proverbial golden goblet. The rest of the Top Ten is as follows:

2 - Back Nine Ben
3 - Papa Lew
T4 - Ze German
T4 -Pretzel 01
T4 -  The Doctor
T4 -Lewis Family Tree
T4 -  Mama Lew
T4 -Fiendish Femme
T10 - Mr. Incredible
T10 - Mumsy

Well done, everyone, and thank you all for participating in our little pool this season; it was one of the more enjoyable rides we've had. We hope to see you all back next year, barring lockout, and may our 2011 romp be as joyous and fantabulous as our last. Be well, be safe, and study up. Onward to September!

That is all. Literally.

The Root of the Week (Championship Round)

It's a brutal, hard-nosed, hands-to-the-face NFC North match-up which draws the attention of our Suicide Pool this weekend, as our final three participants vie for a berth in the Super Bowl.

The Lew clan will get there, one way or another, with the Lew picks split between Packers and Bears. Back Nine Ben needs the green and gold to enter the record books as only the second #6 seed to get to the Big Dance; they do so, and he packs his dancing shoes, too.

That is all.

The Unholy Playoff Devastation

The devastation wrought by the Saints is nearly complete; eight of the nine remaining participants were riding the holiest franchise, the defending champs, the righteous ones, as the team itself rode into Seattle on a wave of public approval, expecting to dominate the lowly 7-9 division-winning Seahawks.

Together, they all rode right into their 2010 graves.

Only three remain, the two undefeated Lew teams and Back Nine Ben, who now has a significant amount of the good green heaped on the Ravens tomorrow, who were his pick. If they fail, we go into sudden death between the youngest and eldest of Clan Lew.

The end is near.

That is all.

So it comes down to this...

The German, The Fiend's lady, and what seems to be the entire Lewis family. Vegas oddsmakers need to tap into that knowledge base.

Let the games begin.

The Root of the Tuesday Taunt of the Week XVII

For those who remain, and following this Week Seventeen there are now only nine of you, it would behoove you to pay attention to the blog throughout the playoffs. This is where you will get the fastest updates of goings on with our glorious Suicide Pool.

An update such as follows, which informs of the demise of both Mumsy and Mr. Incredible, who perished along with the playoff hopes of the St. Louis Rams, and the survival of the other nine remaining participants, including our two undefeateds. The Colts, Texans, Giants, and 49ers were the victorious squads. In other words, in Tuesday Taunt format, we have 143 participants, 2 undefeated, 7 with one loss, and 134 dead.

Check back this week for more information on the coming playoff run, which I will also touch upon in the update email, but for now let me wish all of you, those living and those deceased, a very Happy New Year.

That is all.