Swami's NFL Pool 2018: The Root of the Week V

October 6, 2013

The Root of the Week V

Yes, I will.

'Tis a simple choice this week . . . the Dirty Birds will clean up nicely. At home on Monday night, their season on the line and its just early October, with fatty contracts up the wazoo and Matty Ice under center. Three losses to teams a combined 11-1, all close. Yes, the Falcons will lift the Swami to great heights, and settle us down in Week Six.

Still, I cannot help but wonder at the gall and gumption of our pool participants. The majority of the rest of the masses have put their money on Saint Louis (really?!) or Green Bay. Yes, yes, yes, I get it. Saint Louis is playing Jacksonville. And yes, Green Bay is very good. But the Jags are winless, which always makes them dangerous, and Detroit is a divisional foe (breaking a Swami Rule). I sense a little chaos and devastation this weekend, just not as a result of a career Geno Smith day.

That is all.

Introducing . . .

. . . Ze German, a frothy, filthy, unfiltered 'Skins-lover bringing you weekly rants from his tapestry-laden castle high upon the Zugspitze peak. There is wisdom and method to his madness, however, so pay attention -- just look out for the women and children.

. . . The Holy Light, and the best of us, a beacon of strength, dignity, and truth, and shining where there is darkness. As it was in Ezekiel, his word is his bond and his name is the law, and he shall strike down those who dare not listen when he doth speak.

. . . The Hooded Fiend, brilliant, diabolical, devious -- the smartest man you've never met, and will never have the chance. Locked away in the dungeons below a nondescript building, we only bring the Fiend out to post when the situation is most dire.

. . . El Doctor, the tall, dark, hunky, and handsome resident surgeon of Suicide. Women love his strong hands, men respect his keen mind, and Swami requires his wicked wit, but no one understands his almost unholy passion for autos and linen pants.

. . . Man of Wench, that staunch fan of all things Philly and a fine specimen of masculinity, bold enough to tie the knot with the feisty, infamous Wench. Whether at the grill or at the bar, with a healthy glass of vino in his hand he'll bill you by the hour for a taste of his good times.

. . . Master of Macabre, a delightfully sinful and sinister purveyor of doom and gloom, keeper of all things dark and deathly. It is unsure what horrifies more: his spectral air, his cadaverous crypt, his Machiavellian machinations, or his penchant for Princess and the Frog.

. . . Shapeshifter, he of the ever-changing ways, ever-shifting forms, and everlasting enthusiasm. Our newest commentator brings forth pomp, verbosity, and circumstance on scale to rival even the Swami himself. Shifty, yes, and subtle when necessary, his form is never out of fashion.