The Root of the Week III

Back in the saddle for the 70 strong who succumbed in Week Two, save for the 6 poor souls who perished entirely.

The heavy action flows two ways this week. Yes, we have a few moving to their own beat, perhaps on the Bears or the Boys or Steel City, but the majority has spoken, and the masses are moving forward with god and with gold.

The 49ers are road-bound, and while playing an inferior team from lake country, the NFL road is fraught with peril. Therefore, there will be no flowers in my hair this week.

Which leaves the holy option, and like Joliet Jake, I have seen the light.

That is all.

Tuesday Taunt II

In a great show of compassion, I have delayed posting the results of this past weekend's action until this moment, to let some of the pain subside.

And, oh, what pain there was.

Like Camden of old, the revolutionaries took defeat resoundingly---64 souls perished on the Patriots in Week Two. Toss in a handful of Raiders, Vikings, Cowboys, and Redskins, and you have 70 participants set to see their shining lights with one more loss.

Six, sadly, are already bathing within it. We say goodbye to the Uno Dos, Adios crew of 2012: Mad Dog 02, J-Ro 01, J-Ro 04, Bubbas 02, Daddy's Long Legs, and Bennett, Not My Son. We bid you adieu.

The Swami himself was a casualty this week, though the Factor and the Spawn move on unscathed. So, too, were at least four recent winners of the Suicide Pool, all perishing at the shoelaces of Stephen Gostkowski. 

Weekend Results
135 participants
57 undefeateds
72 with one loss
6 deceased

Things just got real.

That is all.

The Root of the Week II

I only have one question for the masses of participants on the majority pick this week: is that the red or the white?

Oh, yes, there are a handful of other selections. The Texans again campaign with a few votes in the bag, the Giants and Steelers have a scant handful of admirers, and even the Bengals drew a little love against the lowly Browns--despite that being a divisional game.

Lest we not forget the Swami's Rules for Greatness. There are only three: (1) Never pick the Chargers before Week Six (2) Never pick a team on the road (3) Never pick a team playing within its own division. So good luck to you, Bengals-riders; that Tiger, she is a fickle mistress.

As for my own soothsayings this particular week, the second as it happens to be, I shall leave you with this: the Frost way tends to be one of the surest paths to Suicide loss. Not one to travel once traveled by ways, the path I choose tends to be of my own devising, and yet . . . and yet . . . the spread is 13.

I'll take that any day of the week, and twice on Sunday.

That is all.

The Return of the Tuesday Taunt

There are 32 professional football teams in the NFL. Half of 32 is 16. And 16 is the number of teams chosen by participants this past weekend, the opening frame, of the Suicide Pool.

Half the field of available options.

Does this speak to parity in the NFL? Distrust of rookie quarterbacks? Distrust of replacement officials? Is our collective mentally deficient? Are teams of monkeys throwing [censored] at a board, just to see what sticks?

In order of popularity: Texans, Bears, Lions, Eagles, Saints, Ravens, Patriots, Falcons, Jets, Vikings, 49ers, Cardinals, Steelers, Giants, Panthers, Seahawks. I'm not gonna lie, you people is nuts.

The lion roared well enough for the Swami this weekend, and the Spawn, and the Factor survived her ridiculous Vikings pick*, moving the whole cadre unscathed into Week Two. Joining us are 117 others, as we managed to avoid devastation ala Week One of 2011. In a shocking coincidence, not one person took Cleveland this year.

Weekly Statistics
134 participants
120 undefeateds
16 teams chosen
14 week one losers

We're off and running with Suicide 2012, with a total of 134 participants on the rolls. Who will be standing when the dust settles? Swami curses can't help, nor can mindless weekly selection, both of which I expect will accrue over the course.

That is all.

*It looked good on you, though, Mr. Dis.

The Root of the Week I

Ladies and gentlemen, honored guests, compatriots, colleagues, competitors, and friends, I bid you welcome to another great and glorious year of the Suicide Pool.

It is customary at this time for the host, yours truly, to wax poetic on the wonders of football and the delights of gambling degeneration, the perils and pleasures of weekly team selection. It is customary, but not required, and despite this being the first week, this week I will not.

There are some of you who are new to the Pool, and thus have not had the benefit of my dialogue-ing ways, nor have you come to understand those things in this life I hold most dear. It is quite simple really.

Family. Friends. Fish.

There are many of you, however, who know this deep and soulful truth. There are many of you, any of you who have found the Suicide Pool in past years, who know of my Beloveds, the Miami Dolphins.

And yet you pick against them.

You pick against them, and risk the Swami wrath, and so I shall lay down one of my infamous, diabolical, delicious soothsayer curses: let it be known emphatically at this time that no veteran participant of the Pool who has chosen to ride the Texans in Week One will find themselves standing at the end, when the dust settles, when the champion is crowned. So sayeth the Swami. You have brought this upon yourselves.

Let us now move on to more pleasant topics. For those who are new, there are two staples of the Suicide Pool blog: the Root of the Week and the Tuesday Taunt. In the former, the Swami lays down his weekly pick in advance of Sunday play, as well as the trending popular selections. In the latter, he taunts all those who perished the weekend prior. The Swami* loves chaos, and relishes it.

In classic Week One style, we've got multiple teams on the docket: Texans (boo), Lions, Eagles, Bears, Vikings, Panthers, Saints, Ravens, Seahawks, Jets, Patriots, and Falcons, among others. In other words, the situation is ripe; not all will move unscathed to Week Two. Where does the allegiance of the Swami lie, you ask? Methinks the Big Kitties chow down on the Lunchables of St Louis.

And so, without further ado, I declare this season of Suicide officially open . . . and they're off.

That is all.

*The Swami promises to only sporadically refer to himself in the third person. It shall only be doled out in small doses.

We Wait All Year for Sunday Night

My friends, my beautiful friends, friends of years, friends of tears, it has come upon us once again. The time has come, and the moment we have waited long, very sad months for has finally arrived---the return of the NFL Suicide Pool, and yours truly.

The excitement is potent, palatable, and pure as most participants look to salve the wounds of 2011 with triumph and glory in 2012, and as such once again we expect a record-breaking field when the dust settles post-Week One.

Let us dispense with the pleasantries, therefore, and get down to brass tax; when Faith dons the leather, you know she means business. For those with questions, and there are always quite a few, this post shall serve as a reference point for the Rules and Regulations of the 2012 Swami Suicide Pool.

NFL Suicide Pools have a simple premise: you pick the winner of one single NFL game each week (straight up, no point spreads) and if the team you choose wins their game, you advance to the next week. 

If your team loses, you take a loss, and in the Swami's Suicide Pool two losses eliminates you from competition. You may not pick the same team twice during the regular season (see below for special playoff rules). There are additional details, of course, which are outlined below, but the above is the general gist of things.

That's it, although you are still highly encouraged to read the following in-depth breakdown in its entirety, even those who are experienced Swami Suicide Pool veterans.

(1) Entries - Each participant may enter a minimum of one (1) and a maximum of five (5) entries.

(2) Picks - You pick the winner of a single NFL game each week. No point spreads are involved, which means you pick the straight-up winner. Please note that ties count as losses. Kindly email your weekly picks to SwamiSuicidePool@gmail.com.

(3) Deadline -You must get your pick in by the start of your chosen team’s game (kick-off). If you neglect to send a pick in a given week, the default pick is the home team for the Monday night game. If you have already used that team, the Monday night visiting team is your selection. If you have already used both teams, you lose.

(4) Format - This is a double-elimination tournament; you are allowed one loss. Uno, dos, adios!

(5) Disputes - If rule clarifications or amendments are required mid-season (unlikely) or in the event of disputes (also unlikely), all decisions made by the Swami are final.

(6) Updates - An update email will be sent each week with the number of surviving players, the coming week's schedule of games, and pick selections from the previous weeks. The update will usually come on Tuesday, although the Swami reserves the right to stretch it later into the week, if needed. You can also check this blog for the update.

(7) Playoffs - The playoff structure for 2012 is identical to the 2011 and 2010 formats. Starting in Week Ten (10) of the regular season, any team chosen by a participant is NOT eligible to be selected in the playoffs, where the standard Suicide Rules will apply (i.e. you select one team to win per weekend playoff round). Teams chosen in Weeks One thru Nine (1-9) will be available to be re-selected in the playoffs.

Kindly address questions to the Swami at SwamiSuicidePool@gmail.com.

And so I will leave you all for the time being, as we prepare for the first game of the season this very Wednesday night, when the New York Giants host the Dallas Cowboys and the 2012 campaign kicks off. You still have time to enter, of course; not a sole has picked the game, and it's unlikely anyone will. You have a few days left, to strategize, to theorize, to agonize, before the bell rings and the horses leave the gate.

Let the Swami ride again.

That is all.

Suicide Pool 2012.

Swami Suicide Pool Final 2011 Standings

For those of you who follow the blog during the season, this post is a little belated. Technical glitches and new blogger software erased the previous finals announcement posting, a fact of which I was not alerted until July. I'm not even sure when it was deleted. So before we get into the 2012 season, let us bestow one last bit of happy goodness (again) on the winner of the 2011 Suicide Pool.

It seems the 'enter five times and hope one of them sticks' strategy worked very well, indeed, and thus it is we crown the very aptly named Luckstick as our winner. He had some serious competition, though, leading into the last round --- which for the 2011 season was the Divisional Playoff Round. The final standings for the Top Eight:

2 - Nine Times
3 - Friend O' Hard Hat
4 - Chuck Dis 01
T5 - The Doctor
T5 - Mad Dog 03
T7 - Vegas Hall Pass
T7 - J-Ro 03

Well done, everyone, and thank you all for participating in the pool. And as this update comes as the horses are nearing the gate for 2012, you might want to consider studying up. Suicide 2012 is coming.

That is all.

Tuesday Taunt XVII

We've got our Big Three*. It seems everyone these days wants to put one together, so why not the Suicide Pool.

The Dis is dead, done in by the men of Mile High in all their Tebowing glory, leaving a trio of participants alive as the regular season comes to a close.

Which answers the question we posed some time ago: would we make the playoffs for the fourth straight year? Clearly, the playoff strategy must be considered, even in years of such devastation, so for those who lost while maintaining said strategy, perhaps there is a measure of vindication to be found.

And so we come to Wild Card Weekend, with a slate of four games from which our participants may choose: Bengals at Texans, Lions at Saints, Falcons at Giants, and Steelers at Broncos. Still big dollars on the line; there is no room for error.

Good luck, Big Three, and may the best man win.

That is all.

*With apologies to the First Roman Triumvirate, the original Big Three is shown in the photograph above. And yes, it's a sand sculpture.

The Root of the Week XVII

The Final Four ride the Saints, Broncos, and Eagles. A motley crew, to be sure, not unlike the participants themselves.

A very Happy New Year to all of you, and for those who were ousted, may the 2012 Suicide season bring you far more joy and happiness than this past year of utter and ungodly carnage.

That is all.