"I am born again, and live a second life."
So sayeth the Swami, and a handful of others who find new lease on life with the 1st Annual Swami Second Life Pool.
Not to be confused with the brave souls who still diligently strive for success and glory in the Suicide Pool, and contrary to common question, never the twain shall meet. In separation infinitus.
The Swami rides the coattails of the Spawn this week, plopping my Second Life down on what lies at the top of the beanstalk, along with my little deductions --- and my yang, as it happens. The other members of the Swami ride Coughlin's brood in Week Five, as well.
Action on the G-Men, the 49ers, the Texans, the Vikings, and a host of other teams much likelier to lose. Week Five in 2011 was brutal on the Giants; perhaps the chaos will reign again in 2012, though it is unlikely.
Strap on your cap, buckle your belt, and grab your wooden club as we roll into Week Five, Fo Fum, where I smell the end of this meaningless pun.
That is all.
Dare you watch this weekend, knowing what carnage has come before?
The action flows four ways, on Broncos and Falcons, on Texans and Cardinals. The latter is most susceptible to failure, going against my Beloveds.
The Thursday horse has already come home, with many flying high with the Ravens, looking forward to Week Five.
For those left scrapping, here's hoping the stress does not sabotage your Sunday. For those soon-to-be or recently deceased, the Second Life Pool beckons, and beckons soon.
That is all.
Let us be clear on one thing before the rest: this season, the 2012 NFL season, is stupid. Ridiculous stupid. WTF stupid. "Who-the-hell-knows-what-is-happening-here" stupid.
A synonym for stupid is dumb, and we all know there's two kinds of dumb: the guy that gets naked, runs out into the snow, and barks at the moon, and the guy who does the same thing in my living room. The first one doesn't matter; the second you're forced to deal with.
There was devastation en masse again in Week Three. There were perhaps five relatively safe picks to be made, and two considered locks. Both locks lost. Three of the five lost. And there was glorious chaos as a result.
I don't have the final figures, but it is entirely possible that this week tops the previous record of 92 deaths in Week Five of last season, when the Seahawks went cross-country and torched the Giants. By virtue of the 49ers, Saints, and Steelers, the 2012 Suicide Pool is in shambles.
Which pleases me, as you know how much I enjoy devastation. It provides fodder for excellent commentary, and my word-smithery knows no bounds.
And yet . . . and yet . . . three weeks is too soon. Too soon for so many to perish.
And so like the Phoenix of old rising from the ashes, reborn, remade, made whole, so too will there be grace granted to the Suicide Pool participants of 2012. You will not be remade, no, but you will be offered a second lease on life. A second life, if you will.
Announcing the first ever Swami Suicide Second Life Pool, offered only and exclusively to those participants in the main event this year. It is offered to all participants, even those still alive in the main event. It will be a separate pool, however; there will be no cross-over.
Details are forthcoming, but I can drop the following tidbits: (1) we will begin in Week 5; (2) playoff rules will be the same as the main event; (3) you can enter up to 3 times, with $20 for 1, $40 for 2, and $50 for 3; (4) you will get two losses, BUT if your first loss comes with a deficit of MORE THAN 14 points, you are knocked out of the pool entirely, so choose well.
It seems the Swami has a heart after all. My benevolence, as well, knows no bounds.
That is all.
