The Taunt at the End of All Things

We come to it at last. The end of all things, the end of the season, the end of 2012 Suicide. We have no homoerotic hobbits lying on rocks amidst cascading molten lava, so instead we must make do with memories of the dulcet tones of Mr. Vin Scully, whose words are so apt for the moment.

"In a season that has been so improbable, the impossible has happened."

So much action in the Conference Championship weekend, and much carnage along with it. The Falcons dropped three and the Patriots dropped one, and four participants -- including two dogs and the last two remaining undefeateds -- find themselves stranded on an island of no picks, and must settle for 7th place.

And yet . . . and yet . . . there will be a winner --- or winners, as the case may be.

Upon analysis of the Suicide Pool spreadsheet, the following two possible scenarios have been determined in the Suicide Pool for the big prize:

Ravens Win -- A five participant split-pot would ensue, with Mumsy, G-Pa, Shiner, CB, and Monkey sharing the top prize.

49ers Win -- Festivus Monarchus would claim his crown, and the mantle of sole title-holder.


Upon analysis of the Second Life spreadsheet, the following two possible scenarios have been determined for the booze-bracket title (where four fell by virtue of Pats or lack of picks):

Ravens Win -- Shapeshifter is the one and only winner.

49ers Win -- Wishful Thinking is the one and only winner.

It seems eight lives will hang in the balance come Super Bowl Sunday, when the brothers Harbaugh face off. Either way, when the dust settles and the champions are crowned, it will be seven long months to our next Suicide adventure.

That is all.

Thursday Taunt - Divisional Round

In a weekend that saw three teams selected, the Patriots, Falcons, and Broncos, I have to admit the Broncos were not the team I expected to fall. Nor did the masses, as it seems most were saving the Manning's Mile High Club for later playoff use.

Which is why we only lost two, leaving fourteen.

Two participants, only two, selected Denver, and so we bid adieu to Her-Turn, always a stalwart, and the ever tough Back Nine Ben, a former champion.

The pool is thinning, but not fast enough -- house money these days says the pool will see it through to and past the Superbowl. With two undefeateds and twelve one-lossers, many of whom have two or more teams still available, it is likely we will have multiple winners at the end.

How then to divide up the spoils?

There is a twist this week for the Conference Championship games: each remaining participant must pick the winner of both games, and then the winner of the Super Bowl. The additional picks (besides your weekly pick) will act as tie-breakers, in the event we make it past the Big Game with multiple living participants.

Only two weeks left before the months-long drought to next season, satiated only by the brief Madness that comes upon us each year at the outset of spring, and two things we know with certainty: the cream will rise and the weak will falter. 

That is all.

Thursday Taunt - Wild Card Weekend

It was my understanding that the very nature of a 'Wild Card' is that something unpredictable happens. Sadly, in the Suicide pool over Wild Card weekend, such was not the case.

No one lost. Repeat: no one lost.

The Packers, Ravens, and Texans all came home winners, so while the noose tightens as the options for the remaining participants grow more and more limited, everyone survives for at least another week.

This most remarkable and unpredictable of all Suicide Pool seasons remains, for the time being, utterly and boringly predictable.

That is all.

Thursday Taunt XVII

Ladies and gentlemen, we have come through the fire. The NFL regular season of 2012 has ended, and the masses breathe a collective sigh of relief after seventeen grueling weeks of participation and competition.

An undefeated drops one in Week 17: the Mad Dog bit off more than he could chew. Two legends fall for the second time, and we bid adieu to Chuck Dis and Vlade . . .

. . . which leaves sixteen brave souls, two of whom are undefeated, vying for the coveted top spot.

The rules for the playoffs are the same as the rules for the regular season: each participant must pick one team per week. Teams available for selection include any team not yet selected at any time AS WELL AS any team selected between regular season weeks 1-9. Any team selected between weeks 10-17 cannot be used in the playoffs.

Out of the frying pan and back into the fire.

That is all.