The Root of the Week XII

As we enter the twelfth round, which, while not our last, does feature twenty battered and bruised participants, it is natural that we ask ourselves the following question:

Who will be the best of the best?

El Hefe is the leader at this point, by virtue of a winning Thanksgiving Day pick. He awaits those who will join him in Week Thirteen.

As for the rest, the heavy plays are the Falcons and Bengals, while there is also action on the Steelers, Chargers, Panthers, and Ravens. These are your teams to root for and against; at this point, every loss matters a great deal. The stress must be killer.

I'll say this, you've worked very hard. All of you. You've grown, as athletes and individuals. You've learned a lot. We've all learned a lot. As Miss Wade would say; a teacher also learns from his students. Today, you have the chance to be the greatest Suicide Pool participants in the world. It's up to you. If you give everything you've got, everything, you'll be winners. That I promise you. You can be the best of the best. 

That is all.

Tuesday Taunt XI

We have narrowed the field to the best of the best, the Top Twenty. Shack Mojo, Anonymous, and the Lebanator fall by the wayside for putting their money on the collective city of New York, leaving 20 participants in the battle of their lives.

Who will be crowned Suicide Champion 2011? When the dust settles and the sun sets on this schizophrenic season, we will have our answer.

Weekly Statistics

148 participants

20 with one loss

3 week eleven losers

128 deceased

On this wonderful week of the Giving of Thanks, I shall thank you all for joining our merry little pool, whether you lasted two weeks or twelve--or both, as in the case of Bro of Bea. While we likely will not get as deep into the season as in past years, this ride has been a virulent one. Here's to one final climb to the top of the roller coaster, one last breath before the plunge, and one final delirious drop.

That is all.

The Root of the Week XI

The noose tightens.

We entered Week Eleven with twenty-three participants left; not all of them survived to Sunday. The Shack Mojo is no mo' and Anonymous shall remain exactly that, brought to their unhappy end by the second coming himself, Tim Tebow.

Tebow Time? Carnage time.

The remaining 21 are scattered across a series of picks, with the 49ers and the Patriots getting the most play. Playoff strategy is out the window, it seems. The Lions, the Falcons, the Ravens, the Giants, and the Packers all have play to varying degrees.

Football Sunday is starting to carry significant weight. Good luck to those who remain. We enter sudden death overtime and every bounce of the ball can mean deliverance, or destruction.

That is all.

Tuesday Taunt X

There were any number of ways to go with my post this week, this beautiful, glorious week of absolute destruction.

There was the obvious, listing percentages as I am apt to do. Perhaps I mention that 83% of the pool lost in Week 10, blowing the devastation of Week Five right out of the water. Perhaps I make some funny comment about Week 10 doubling down on Week Five, or something of the like. Perhaps.

There was the cheesy, perhaps alluding to Week 10 marking the spot. A photo of a treasure chest, perhaps, or Indy looking down on a tiled floor in the middle of an old library. Perhaps.

There was the boastful, perhaps letting slip the fact that one of the big winning picks this week was my Beloveds, maybe with a photograph of Manager Lou Brown saying, "Now this is what we call a win streak." This would have left me quite happy, but perhaps not been the best route given the streak stands at two after seven consecutive twelfth letters. Perhaps.

There was the sly, perhaps dropping a photo of a .44 magnum into the post and letting you figure it out, to the delight of the NRA and the horror of the Factor and the rest of the anti-gun lobby. Perhaps.

In the end, it was decided to go none of those routes, and to let the results speak for themselves for once. 

Weekly Statistics

148 participants

0 undefeated at 10-0

23 with one loss at 9-1

125 participants dead

44 week ten losers

It was brutal, carnage on a scale only the Swami knows and loves, and as the dust settles we find ourselves with no one left unscathed, and less than two dozen participants left. We enter the home stretch of the season unlikely to reach the playoffs, and with a sudden death mentality for all those who remain.

One loss and you're done.

That is all.

The Root of the Week X

It seems there is a significant lack of confidence and belief in the playoff chances of the Eagles, as almost everyone is on them. Either that, or none of you know the rules.

For those reading this still confused, I will refer you to said rules, which explain in detail why you will never again be able to use the Eagles, if you took them this week.

Other popular choices include my Beloveds (amazingly), the Chiefs (shockingly), the Jaguars (boldly), and the Ravens and Packers, for those who do not think we will make it past Week Seventeen.

By the by, and on the subject of rules, Steve Miller does.

That is all.

Tuesday Taunt IX

Uncle Reaper wants you, and he got 27 of you this weekend past. It was glorious carnage, with the Eagles, Patriots, and Chiefs knocking 35% of the field into the loss column, 27 for the second and final time.

Weekly Statistics

148 participants

14 undefeated at 9-0

39 with one loss at 8-1

31 week nine losers

95 dead

So much for that long-gestating playoff strategy you concocted months back. You did not even make it to Week Ten.

For those surviving, the thrill is likely short-lived; the Reaper and I are good friends, having met in Week Seven, and he tells me he's hanging around for the bloodbath that will undoubtedly accompany Week Ten.

That is all.

The Root of the Week IX

I believe it was the Butterfly who said, "They passed down all the roads long ago, and the Red Bull ran behind them and covered their footsteps."

I also believe that none of you will take from the above quote what I wish you to, instead wondering why the Swami is talking about energy drinks. You're wrong, of course, but then again, you've been wrong before.

Well, all but 18 of you.

And so we come to Week Nine, which is particularly important given it is followed by Week Ten, which triggers the playoff team selection clause in the rules. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you deserve the Red Bull.

Speaking of, the vast majority have placed their eggs in the basket of a very ornery beast. It is half-red, half-blue, and wholly unpredictable. I suppose it makes no difference that a Blue Bull is not a bull at all; it's an antelope, and therefore exists only as prey for larger animals. Additionally, several Texas ranches offer nilgai as the prey in sport hunting. Karl Rove shot one. Just sayin'.

Now that the majority feels better about their pick, who should the majority root against? The Boys, naturally, and as usual. The Pats, who got their groove back with a late flurry of picks. The Dirty Birds, who have yet to win a big game all year. Plus a smattering of others, too minor to mention.

Here's hoping you and yours don't end up Haggard by the sea.

That is all.

Tuesday Taunt VIII

Week Eight Statistics

18 undefeated at 8-0

62 with one loss at 7-1

11 week eight losers

68 participants dead

In the immortal words of Johnny Five, "Yo. Yooooo!"*

Our little Suicide Pool rolls a natural in Week Eight and drop kicks the week's titular number from competition. The losses came courtesy mostly of the talented Saints of New Orleans, who were stunned by the previously winless Rams. I will remind everyone of the Swami's thoughts on picking against winless teams post Week Seven: DON'T DO IT.

There was one who heeded that call, having cast aside his preferred pick of the Saints in favor of the Ravens, only after recalling the sound words of Swami. Friend O' Hard Hat, we salute you.

*Yo or yo-leven is dicing lingo for a 6-5 split (rolling eleven). Feel free to use it in a sentence this week.

That is all.