Wednesday Taunt VII

A quick one this week, lots to do in advance of weekend festivities.

The Reaper took a fine week off this week, relaxing on his couch as few participants were slain. A smattering of Bills, Chargers, and Steelers losses, but nothing to write home about. Perhaps the Hooded One is prepping for a Halloween weekend of participant horror --- beware your picks for the Sunday known as All Saints Day.

That is all.

The Root of the Week VII

The masses are moving on this fine Sunday morning ... and they are moving in many different mysterious ways. Various teams on the selection platter? Vikings, Falcons, Patriots, Rams, Cardinals, Colts, Beloveds, Panthers, Chargers, Packers, Steelers, Bills, etc.

Needless to say, there will be some carnage this week. The Reaper remains on standby, as he has all season long.

Only one clan member remains as the Swami brood pins its hopes on the darkside of the force. Darth Bennett will join many other rowdy friends on Monday night and pin his hopes on the Desert Birds of Arizona.

That is all.

Friday Taunt VI

Bless the Beloveds, they have returned. I will dedicate this first paragraph to renewed hope in the strong Tight End hands of Dan Campbell. Color me impressed. Color me hopeful that there may yet be time to salvage what was once thought to be salvageable, and for a time now the Beloveds are in the exciting position of being intriguing.

Much like this year's pool, in which intrigues abound. More losses at the hands of the birds; Hitchcock would be so proud. We roll into Lady Luck's week with 81 surviving souls and only seven undefeateds.

Week Six Statistics
189 participants
7 players at 6-0
74 with one loss

17 week six losers

108 deceased

Onward we merrily roll. With most of the pool having used the Packers and Patriots at this point, good luck to us all. The Beloveds are open for business.

That is all.

Friday Taunt V of the Root of the Week VI

We dangle precariously and each week, it seems, brings more of the same. More devastation, more chaos. Week Three was but a blip, an aberration. Forty-five more of our finest lay down this past weekend -- and this is a later Taunt than normal, apologies apologies, as I am traveling at the moment and coming to you live from the great state of Wisconsin.

For those of you in Los Angeles, this is actually being posted tomorrow. Time changes, and all that. But I digress.

We are hanging from the small branch, ready to break at any moment. Only eight of us remain unscathed, eight majestic souls -- including the above-referenced Darth Bennett. The Spawn has fallen from the unbeaten ranks, but lives to play another day.

Once more the masses move in different directions. Week the Sixth is, in the words of Ze German, who knows his brutality, a "brutal brutal week."

And so let us remember David of the 23rd Psalm, he who walked through a shadowed valley without fear, as we walk once more toward the weekend, and the reckoning it is likely to bring. Regardless the outcome, we are strong together. We will not fear.

That is all.

PS - Or is it. Given my travels, and knowing no one knows when the arrival will actually occur on the morrow, I will put forth in this space the Spawn and Darth picks for the Sixth Week ... which are the same pick, and the best pick available this brutal week. Let it be known now how the 12th Man and his birds of the sea will rise up to slay the mighty undefeated (really?) Bagheera's of Carolina.

So it is written, so it shall be done.

The Root of the Week V

The Swami is dead, long live the Swami . . . and yet for the second consecutive year the heirs of the Swami survive long past their patriarch --- and so it is that Darth Bennett and the Spawn take up the family mantle and seek to extend their run of undefeatedness into the Sixth Week.

The Root will henceforth feature only their picks as Swami himself has no picks to give, plus as usual the picks of the masses. It seems this week is a heavy trifecta and a hodgepodge of other smaller selections. The Packers, Falcons, and Chiefs are the heavy plays, with the Patriots, Giants, Ravens, and Bengals following behind.

As for the heirs, they like a pair of favorites as well. Darth Bennett will ride the Arrow as it seeks to slay the Bear, while the Spawn will hope the Dirty Birds devour the Politically Incorrect Native American Tribesmen.

Good luck in this Week Five, which has been an ugly week in previous seasons. Here's hoping the Reaper sleeps until the evening.

That is all.

Tuesday Taunt IV

He has come for me ... and so I must go. The Swami has fallen, long live the Swami. The birds were shot down mid-flight, taking the Swami and 26 others with them. After the devastation of the Week That Shall Not Be Named, there is no hiding place.

The Reaper hovers over the Pool, unrelenting, unshakable.

Week Four Statistics
189 participants
13 players at 4-0
128 with one loss

27 week three losers

48 deceased

I'm off to the Happiest Place on the morrow for birthday celebrations, and perhaps to salve the wounds of this short season, the shortest season of all in personal Swami history. Fittingly my end came about in Week Four, when the darkness took me.

To quoth the raven, "Nevermore."

That is all.

The Root of the Week IV

And just like that, we are back to bunches of different teams. It seems there is no consensus this week: Cardinals are popular, Colts are popular, Broncos are popular, and many have disregarded the Rules once more and selected the Chargers prior to Week Seven. These, among many others. This, my friends, is a dangerous proposition.

And so there are three choices before the Swami and his immortal clan, three options and none of them look appetizing. Behind Door #01? The Colts, likely Luckless. Behind Door #02? The Broncos at home at Mile High. Behind Door #03? The Cardinals, Infinity-0 when Carson Palmer plays. 

And yet you know how the Swami does not travel once-traveled by ways, the path he chooses is his own, and the true one. And so the Swami and his brood will take not One, not Two, not Three, but indeed all three doors as we root collectively for bird and horse in Week Four: Colts, Broncos, and Cardinals.

That is all.

Thursday Taunt III

Three weeks, three weeks, fourteen more onward. All from the valley of Death rode the hundred six seven. Forward, our participant parade. Arise, Swami said; into the Third Week rode the hundred six seven.

Forward, our participant parade. Was there a man dismayed? Not though we all knew most of us had blundered. Ours not to look behind, ours not to excuses find, ours to resolve our mind; into the Third Week rode the hundred six seven.

Touchdown to the right of them, safety to the left of them, the Reaper right in front of them, to tear us asunder. Battered with scythe and shell, boldly we ride and well, into another week, into prognoses bleak, rode the hundred six seven.

When will our glory fade? Not soon, after such a charge we made. Despite the doubts that lingered under. Honor the charge we made, honor our participant parade, noble hundred six seven.

And so it is and shall be told in the annals of Swami lore, the tale of the one hundred sixty seven brave souls who responded to the devastation of the Week That Shall Not Be Named and return from the edge, from the brink, from the chasm to stand firmly, resolutely, and together, arms linked, for at least another week. Onward we roll as one into Week Four.

So it is written, so it was done.

That is all.

The Root of the Week III

There was much reflection this past week by the participants of the Pool. Much time spent alone in the darkness, thinking, pondering, praying. Devastation and chaos have that impact on people, and the Week That Shall Not Be Named was more destructive and more chaotic than any other. Like, ever.

There are some who have given way to dark urges, threatening retirement henceforth should their chosen team* lose this week. One even mentioned a bell tower. Dark and reaper-like ramblings, indeed.

*It should be noted at this time, before we speak to the photo above, that nearly everyone is riding the Seahawks or Patriots this week. The entire Swami clan, in fact, is on the Patriots: myself, the Factor, the Spawn, and Darth. 

It is widely known my particular affinity for chaos. I do relish it, and admit so freely. However, it should additionally be noted that I only relish it after a certain week. Week Two is not a week I am hoping for heavy loss . . . I like participants to get a nice five-week rhythm or so--and a little confidence--before their hopes and dreams are crushed.

The Swami Hex is also widely known, bestowed upon those who bet against the Beloveds. I have turned the Hex on and nary a hexed individual has made a deep run. 

Well, my friends, I am here on this night (morning, actually) to offer a bit of hope to my fine participants friends. I am flipping the script on my Swami powers, turning them on for the cause of goodness and rightness, and so the Swami Hex until further notice shall be considered the Swami Boon. Those who ride the Seahawks and the Patriots will assuredly reach the promised land of the Fourth Week. I am riding a wedding high on this fine Saturday night, feeling linked to the heavens and the powers therein as only one in my official position might be able, and so.

And so Hope, it seems, is closer than it appears. Good luck to all of you on the morrow.

That is all.

There Is No Taunt On This Sad, Sad Week II

"They stood resolved, and ready at the bell,
and candles light the places where they fell."

I know not where this day finds you. I know not from where you read this, not your circumstance nor your situation, nor whether your mood runs to merriment or melancholy, or some measure between.

I know not, and there is, truth be told, little knowledge to be had on this cold, cruel evening in the middle of the week. It is three days since the devastation of Sunday, just two since the cruel Reaper continued his rampage on Monday night. We are all still feeling it, all still carrying the burdens of what was, is, and will forever be . . .

. . . the single worst week in the history of the Swami Suicide Pool.

I do not think it will be possible to ever top such a week. I think we could take 200 brave souls, have them make picks independently for one thousand weeks straight, and still never come close to touching the sheer and utter carnage rained down upon us this week. Week Two of 2015 shall henceforth be known, like Voldemort, as the "Week That Shall Not Be Named."

Before the actual statistics and before I add some additional commentary, it is pertinent to discuss October of 2011, Week V. It is a flashback not many will want to flashback. Here is what was said then:

"It was carnage, utter and absolute; the single bloodiest weekend in the history of Suicide. 83 participants rode the Giants to their untimely demise, 92 took losses in total, and 37 perished for the second and final time. 102 remain alive, 78 with one loss. For those keeping track at home, a full two-thirds (66%) lost in Week Five. After five weeks in, only 16% remain undefeated. No one with multiple entries remains unscathed. The theme of the season is destruction, devastation, chaos."

This past weekend makes Week V of 2011 look like a few fine young people taking a pleasure cruise. Week II of 2015 is a few fine young people out for a pleasure cruise at night through eel-infested waters -- and everyone knows the shrieking eels are loudest right before they strike.

That sound you heard on Sunday? Well, they struck. Observe:

# - Two weeks into this short, deadly season, only 14 participants remain undefeated -- only fourteen!!?! 

# - The losses piled up in record numbers: 76 were denied heaven's pearly gates via the Saints; 37 thought they had avoided the bloodshed and rode their Colts into the ground on Monday; 26 liked the trendy Ravens pick, but quoted Poe, 'Nevermore.'; 25 wanted protection and took the Beloveds in honor of Swami, including the Swami himself, only to fall, sadly, along with all the rest; and the Rams, Eagles, and Titans all added multiple participants to their backing parties ... only to disappoint them with ridiculous losses.

For those counting at home, that is 174 losses suffered in total by the participants this week. 174??? WTF??? The single bloodiest, most devastating week in history. Our own personal Antietam. The number you are looking for is 88% ... 88% lost their lives. I have no words. 'Tis rare, yes, but I have no words to describe the scene. 

Some small measure can be found in this one last thought --- save for a few random undefeated survivors, the whole rest of the pool is in the same boat. So many bit the dust, the playing field is very nearly level.

And so onward we merrily roll in Suicide 2015.

That is all.