Swami's NFL Pool 2018: February 2011

February 12, 2011

Swami NFL Suicide Pool Final Standings

Ladies and gentlemen, friends and degenerates, we have found our champion for the 2010 Suicide Pool, and this champion is glorious.

Lady Lew the Younger, take a bow.

Nay, curtsy, for the Suicide Pool crowns its first female champion, giving hope to the feminine masses. It is also worth noting at this time, when much of the male populace is amusing slapping their collective foreheads at the thought of being bested by the opposite sex, that our winner is not only female . . .

She is also fourteen years old.

That sound you heard was the collective group falling over. Yes, my friends, Lady Lew the Younger is a 14-year-old girl, and she outlasted, outmaneuvered, outfoxed all comers, and carries home the proverbial golden goblet. The rest of the Top Ten is as follows:

2 - Back Nine Ben
3 - Papa Lew
T4 - Ze German
T4 -Pretzel 01
T4 - The Doctor
T4 -Lewis Family Tree
T4 - Mama Lew
T4 -Fiendish Femme
T10 - Mr. Incredible
T10 - Mumsy

Well done, everyone, and thank you all for participating in our little pool this season; it was one of the more enjoyable rides we've had. We hope to see you all back next year, barring lockout, and may our 2011 romp be as joyous and fantabulous as our last. Be well, be safe, and study up. Onward to September!

That is all. Literally.

Introducing . . .

. . . Ze German, a frothy, filthy, unfiltered 'Skins-lover bringing you weekly rants from his tapestry-laden castle high upon the Zugspitze peak. There is wisdom and method to his madness, however, so pay attention -- just look out for the women and children.

. . . The Holy Light, and the best of us, a beacon of strength, dignity, and truth, and shining where there is darkness. As it was in Ezekiel, his word is his bond and his name is the law, and he shall strike down those who dare not listen when he doth speak.

. . . The Hooded Fiend, brilliant, diabolical, devious -- the smartest man you've never met, and will never have the chance. Locked away in the dungeons below a nondescript building, we only bring the Fiend out to post when the situation is most dire.

. . . El Doctor, the tall, dark, hunky, and handsome resident surgeon of Suicide. Women love his strong hands, men respect his keen mind, and Swami requires his wicked wit, but no one understands his almost unholy passion for autos and linen pants.

. . . Man of Wench, that staunch fan of all things Philly and a fine specimen of masculinity, bold enough to tie the knot with the feisty, infamous Wench. Whether at the grill or at the bar, with a healthy glass of vino in his hand he'll bill you by the hour for a taste of his good times.

. . . Master of Macabre, a delightfully sinful and sinister purveyor of doom and gloom, keeper of all things dark and deathly. It is unsure what horrifies more: his spectral air, his cadaverous crypt, his Machiavellian machinations, or his penchant for Princess and the Frog.

. . . Shapeshifter, he of the ever-changing ways, ever-shifting forms, and everlasting enthusiasm. Our newest commentator brings forth pomp, verbosity, and circumstance on scale to rival even the Swami himself. Shifty, yes, and subtle when necessary, his form is never out of fashion.